Talked to exah last night....still quacking....I'm not listening....
A work in progress....
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Talked to exah last night....still quacking....I'm not listening....
Hey guys,
I spoke with my exah last night for the first time in almost two months. I have been leaving his mail, etc, in a box at our old store (that oldest son runs), and I had written a note asking him if he could help pay for the ten-year-old's summer basketball camp and monthly tae-kwon-do tuition, and perhaps kick in a little child support since he is making pretty good money doing landscaping these days. I left it there almost three weeks ago but he just got it yesterday; it was courteous and to the point. Just a request that he do the right thing for his son until the legal stuff gets settled.
I knew he had picked it up, because oldest son told me. (He has been leaving me completely alone since the contempt charges he got for violating the RO, so I'm thinking maybe he will do the right thing.....).
Anyhow, he calls, and I answer. Started out fine, talking about the financial stuff. Soon, he's going down the same old road again, whining about me and the kids living in the house while he is living with his mom (he's 53 for crying out loud!!), how he worked his whole life building this place, how he had a home when we met (hello, after 25 years does it matter who had what....geezzz!!). How it has torn him up not to see the little one, and how when he used to pass out on the couch it wasn't because of drugs it was because he couldn't sleep because he was hurting so much (and of course that was MY fault), how he didn't tell anyone anything about me when I kicked him out........
.........On and on he goes....I was mostly just listening.....until I just finally said that I didn't think we needed to be talking about all that, and offered to let him see our son, and told him to do whatever he felt was right about the money and said goodbye.
This is the kind of thing that used to absolutely tear me up. Either I would get really angry and start spewing my own junk back at him or I would get really sad and start crying. Yesterday, I really didn't feel much of anything. I wasn't surprised, or angry, or feeling guilty or tearful....
I just felt really thankful that I am no longer enmeshed (is that a word?) in that relationship, mixed in with just a touch of amazement that I feel so differently about the whole thing now, and maybe just a little bit of 'why in the world did it take me so long to figure this out???'.....
I just wanted to share this with everyone here, because if it were not for all the support and advice and understanding that I found at SR, I don't think I would be where I am in this process of rediscovering who I am and realizing how lovely life can be without all the chaos!
So anyway, enough about that! I am going to pick up my kids and go eat and see the new Die Hard movie that Bruce Willis is in....hope everyone has a wonderful evening!!
I spoke with my exah last night for the first time in almost two months. I have been leaving his mail, etc, in a box at our old store (that oldest son runs), and I had written a note asking him if he could help pay for the ten-year-old's summer basketball camp and monthly tae-kwon-do tuition, and perhaps kick in a little child support since he is making pretty good money doing landscaping these days. I left it there almost three weeks ago but he just got it yesterday; it was courteous and to the point. Just a request that he do the right thing for his son until the legal stuff gets settled.
I knew he had picked it up, because oldest son told me. (He has been leaving me completely alone since the contempt charges he got for violating the RO, so I'm thinking maybe he will do the right thing.....).
Anyhow, he calls, and I answer. Started out fine, talking about the financial stuff. Soon, he's going down the same old road again, whining about me and the kids living in the house while he is living with his mom (he's 53 for crying out loud!!), how he worked his whole life building this place, how he had a home when we met (hello, after 25 years does it matter who had what....geezzz!!). How it has torn him up not to see the little one, and how when he used to pass out on the couch it wasn't because of drugs it was because he couldn't sleep because he was hurting so much (and of course that was MY fault), how he didn't tell anyone anything about me when I kicked him out........
.........On and on he goes....I was mostly just listening.....until I just finally said that I didn't think we needed to be talking about all that, and offered to let him see our son, and told him to do whatever he felt was right about the money and said goodbye.
This is the kind of thing that used to absolutely tear me up. Either I would get really angry and start spewing my own junk back at him or I would get really sad and start crying. Yesterday, I really didn't feel much of anything. I wasn't surprised, or angry, or feeling guilty or tearful....
I just felt really thankful that I am no longer enmeshed (is that a word?) in that relationship, mixed in with just a touch of amazement that I feel so differently about the whole thing now, and maybe just a little bit of 'why in the world did it take me so long to figure this out???'.....
I just wanted to share this with everyone here, because if it were not for all the support and advice and understanding that I found at SR, I don't think I would be where I am in this process of rediscovering who I am and realizing how lovely life can be without all the chaos!
So anyway, enough about that! I am going to pick up my kids and go eat and see the new Die Hard movie that Bruce Willis is in....hope everyone has a wonderful evening!!
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Jen....Good for you!!! I love watch how recovery grows here...A lot sur ehappened in less than a year, didn't it? Thanks for sharing your strength and hope!
Hope you all enjoyed the movie and ate lots of popcorn
Hope you all enjoyed the movie and ate lots of popcorn
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Just another little insight...exah was saying yesterday how much he misses our little boy and how hard it is on him to be seperated from his son..........I told him that 'little bit' would be over at my mother-in-law's house visiting today if he wanted to see his son. (Now mind you, this is the house that exah is living in.)
So I take my son over there about 2:30, and pick him up at 8:00 for the movie......
Do you think his 'devoted daddy' found time for him today? Nada! Left before he got there and never came back......what a jacka$$!!!! (Sorry, I guess that isn't so recovery, is it??)
So anyway, the movie was good if you like to watch things blowing up and people getting shot.......and.....
Bruce Willis is STILL hot after all these years! LOL!!!
So I take my son over there about 2:30, and pick him up at 8:00 for the movie......
Do you think his 'devoted daddy' found time for him today? Nada! Left before he got there and never came back......what a jacka$$!!!! (Sorry, I guess that isn't so recovery, is it??)
So anyway, the movie was good if you like to watch things blowing up and people getting shot.......and.....
Bruce Willis is STILL hot after all these years! LOL!!!
Or However You Spell It....
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by duet_4-8 
Do you think his 'devoted daddy' found time for him today? Nada! Left before he got there and never came back......what a jacka$$!!!! (Sorry, I guess that isn't so recovery, is it??)
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