ljmason

I've been posting in another forum at this site, and I think I need to be back here, too. I've thrown my Alcoholic abuser out, gotten an Order of Protection against him, and while I know that it's for the best, it still hurts to let go. It's so hard to love and care for someone who you know is going down the wrong path, yet still let them take that path without interfering anymore. In my effort (yes, my) to "beat" his disease, all I did was beat myself, and for what? To wind up losing a part of myself?
I thought about having him committed, but what's the point? Jail was enforced sobriety and he managed to stay sober for a total of 11 months last year, which includes the 5 months of jail time, but I have finally come to the conclusion that the only person that can help him is himself. No more being manipulated- I'm moving a thousand miles away, first to a battered women's shelter, then on to my own life apart from him.
I love him very much, but the song is so true- Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough.

Live

Yes, it is hurtful and sad.
I think with myself, the fact that I had paid such a high price for the relationship, had invested so much, that I grieve and mourn more.

Your honesty is so admirable.

It is such a quagmire when it is our very own wishes and dreams that enslave us.
It was so disarming to me that not only was I fighting him but also myself...to be free.

I have learned that somehow trauma is more bonding.

Best wishes!

RocksAnn

You put that so well.
I, myself am wondering what to do with my husband of 5 years this August. I want to help him but, he doesn't want help. He is not physically abusive to me or anything but, only to himself. It hurts to see him do that to himself. I quit cocaine, alcohol, lost 57 pounds through Weight Watcher's and in the process of getting rid of 12 racked up credit cards because he didn't work for most of our marriage. I'm trying to better myself and I want him to get better as well but, he refuses and thinks I've lost my mind!

Congrats on getting rid of him and moving on with your life.

JustFedUp

Hey RocksAnn. I know the feeling. My husband always tries to turn the tables on me and make me believe I'm over reacting and have lost my mind (well he might be half right, I do feel I've lost my mind at times. LOL). I get the major guilt trips like "oh, it must feel so nice to be Miss Superior and so in control". And because I refuse (at least I try) to not engage in any discussions with him when he's drinking (because it's futile) "your the one who runs and hides, go hide in the bedroom and some more".

I guess I do hide. I just can't stand to see it.

RocksAnn

That's why I came here...to find out if there were others like me. I knew there were somewhere.

My Co-workers all think I'm stupid for keeping him but, I married him because I love him. Now, he is angry with me for getting sober. Calls me Miss Perfect. Me perfect?! I don't think so!

I'm slipping this weekend because all it did was RAIN! I layed in front of the TV watching food commercials and beer commercials....aaaarrgh! I ate more than I should of and thought about drinking with him (it would make him so happy). I choose to make "me" happy and NOT drink. I have to look out for myself. No one will do it for me. Once I start forget it. I will be back to being a drunk. No thank you.

Hangin' In

RocksAnn,

You sound like one smart lady to me. I can hear the pain in your voice but your words express that you know you do not want to jeopardize your sobriety while watching him go farther and farther down the tubes.

Keep that 'sane' thinking there, gal. I'm sorry you are hurting so. But if it helps, just know I admire you for looking this thing square in the face and thinking of what is best for you.

Hugs,

Hangin' In

lyn_blossom78

LJ:

Sounds like you did a very brave thing! Takes a lot of guts to start a new life elsewhere. Just take really good care of yourself--you deserve happiness.

Lyn