I need your prayers and advice please
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
I need your prayers and advice please
I sit here in Florida this morning. Two days ago I was posting about my empty nest. Convincing myself Vicky would be OK, she's 18 now. I was so terribly mistaken.
Night before last, in celebration of Vicky's 18th birthday, she went to a party with a girlfriend, it was a house in the neighborhood where vicky knew almost everyone. She said she drank two beers, in a cup. She said she was fine one second and then the next, she doesn't remember a thing. She was drugged. From what we can peice togeather about what happened. Someone slipped her something in her drink, her friends thought she was drunk so they loaded her in the car and took her home, they watched her open the door and go in. That was around mid-night. My son did not see or hear her. There is a three hour blank. Then at three AM Vicky is at the front door screaming for her brother.
She had been beaten to the point that her front tooth was snapped off at the gum line. We think she was raped. The hospital took all her clothes and did a rape kit. They gave her the morning after pill and all kinds of antibiotics.
She was so uncoherent. She told the cops that it was 4 boys. She left the hospital last night and now she can't remember anything. She says the last thing she remembers is taking a sip of beer.
I don't know what to do. I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
She doesn't want to go back to Tennessee with me. She wants to stay here in Florida. Her brother says he doesn't want her to stay here with him. He feels responsible and he doesn't want that responsibility.
After all of this, I'm going to either have to tell her she has no home to live in, or worry every second of every day. Her heart is breaking. She doesn't want to move to Tennessee.
I can make her only by taking her florida home away from her. She is now out of work for a while, she was a hostess at a restraunt. As long as her face looks like it does, she can't go back.
I want my baby safe. But I don't want to make her life any more miserable than it already is. I can't just let go this time. I have to make a decision if I'm going to let her stay in Florida, or force her into Tennessee.
I feel so totally helpless right now. I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn, you guys are the only people in the world I trust right now.
B
Night before last, in celebration of Vicky's 18th birthday, she went to a party with a girlfriend, it was a house in the neighborhood where vicky knew almost everyone. She said she drank two beers, in a cup. She said she was fine one second and then the next, she doesn't remember a thing. She was drugged. From what we can peice togeather about what happened. Someone slipped her something in her drink, her friends thought she was drunk so they loaded her in the car and took her home, they watched her open the door and go in. That was around mid-night. My son did not see or hear her. There is a three hour blank. Then at three AM Vicky is at the front door screaming for her brother.
She had been beaten to the point that her front tooth was snapped off at the gum line. We think she was raped. The hospital took all her clothes and did a rape kit. They gave her the morning after pill and all kinds of antibiotics.
She was so uncoherent. She told the cops that it was 4 boys. She left the hospital last night and now she can't remember anything. She says the last thing she remembers is taking a sip of beer.
I don't know what to do. I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
She doesn't want to go back to Tennessee with me. She wants to stay here in Florida. Her brother says he doesn't want her to stay here with him. He feels responsible and he doesn't want that responsibility.
After all of this, I'm going to either have to tell her she has no home to live in, or worry every second of every day. Her heart is breaking. She doesn't want to move to Tennessee.
I can make her only by taking her florida home away from her. She is now out of work for a while, she was a hostess at a restraunt. As long as her face looks like it does, she can't go back.
I want my baby safe. But I don't want to make her life any more miserable than it already is. I can't just let go this time. I have to make a decision if I'm going to let her stay in Florida, or force her into Tennessee.
I feel so totally helpless right now. I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn, you guys are the only people in the world I trust right now.
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 14
Fear
I know its hard, I've been there, feel your fear & then make your decision based on whats best for both you & your daughter. "Feel the fear & do it anyways" And yes you will have to live with that decision.
Go in Peace, John
Go in Peace, John
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am so sorry.
The problem is you cannot force her to come back with you, even if you take away her house, if she wants to stay she will. At that age they can go live with someone else, it is a hard age to control.
There could be more to this story, and it may take time to unfold.
Can you stay with her for awhile, and make your decision in a week or two?
Don't really have any answers.
The problem is you cannot force her to come back with you, even if you take away her house, if she wants to stay she will. At that age they can go live with someone else, it is a hard age to control.
There could be more to this story, and it may take time to unfold.
Can you stay with her for awhile, and make your decision in a week or two?
Don't really have any answers.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Frankly)) My heart and prayers go out for you and your daughter. How awful this must be for both of you and I pray that she can work through all the emotions that come in a situation like that.
When I don't know what to do, Frankly, I pray on it and ask to be led, and then wait until the right answer comes to me.
Right now she is probably still in shock and not thinking clearly. And you are probably exhausted emotionally and physically. These are not good decision making times.
Wait, if necessary go with her to a safe place where you can both rest for a while before making any life decisions.
The answer will come, Frankly, it always does.
Just know that we're walking with you and that we love you and care.
Hugs
When I don't know what to do, Frankly, I pray on it and ask to be led, and then wait until the right answer comes to me.
Right now she is probably still in shock and not thinking clearly. And you are probably exhausted emotionally and physically. These are not good decision making times.
Wait, if necessary go with her to a safe place where you can both rest for a while before making any life decisions.
The answer will come, Frankly, it always does.
Just know that we're walking with you and that we love you and care.
Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
I'm staying here dollydo, I've got to find someone to fix her teeth. They may not be able to save the one front tooth, I'm sure that is going to take some time. The cops have traced the whole timeline up to midnight, when she walked through the front door, but until or unless she starts remembering something, we are all at a loss. The only other clue we have, is someone burned out in our front yard. It wasn't there when she was dropped off. Of course this is all based on her friends that were at the party. Her two girlfriends. This has really rattled them too. They appear to be telling the truth, but who knows. It could be something entirely different.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Ann))
She's looking to me to know what to do. She was crying for her mommie and I wasn't there. Her Dad was there, holding a cell phone for me to listen. Blaming me for what happened. He's a real peice of work. He brought his girlfriend over to my house so she could see what a horrible mother allows to happen to her daughter. Some stranger just looking at her. Because of that, Vicky refused to go to the hospital. After hours on the phone, I finelly got her to go.
She's looking to me to know what to do. She was crying for her mommie and I wasn't there. Her Dad was there, holding a cell phone for me to listen. Blaming me for what happened. He's a real peice of work. He brought his girlfriend over to my house so she could see what a horrible mother allows to happen to her daughter. Some stranger just looking at her. Because of that, Vicky refused to go to the hospital. After hours on the phone, I finelly got her to go.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Originally Posted by frankly 
She said she was fine one second and then the next, she doesn't remember a thing. She was drugged. From what we can peice togeather about what happened. Someone slipped her something in her drink, her friends thought she was drunk so they loaded her in the car and took her home, they watched her open the door and go in. That was around mid-night. My son did not see or hear her. There is a three hour blank. Then at three AM Vicky is at the front door screaming for her brother.
She had been beaten to the point that her front tooth was snapped off at the gum line. We think she was raped. The hospital took all her clothes and did a rape kit. They gave her the morning after pill and all kinds of antibiotics.
She was so uncoherent. She told the cops that it was 4 boys. She left the hospital last night and now she can't remember anything. She says the last thing she remembers is taking a sip of beer.
I don't know what to do. I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
After all of this, I'm going to either have to tell her she has no home to live in, or worry every second of every day. Her heart is breaking. She doesn't want to move to Tennessee.
I can make her only by taking her florida home away from her. She is now out of work for a while, she was a hostess at a restraunt. As long as her face looks like it does, she can't go back.
I want my baby safe. But I don't want to make her life any more miserable than it already is. I can't just let go this time. I have to make a decision if I'm going to let her stay in Florida, or force her into Tennessee.
I feel so totally helpless right now. I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn, you guys are the only people in the world I trust right now.
B
She had been beaten to the point that her front tooth was snapped off at the gum line. We think she was raped. The hospital took all her clothes and did a rape kit. They gave her the morning after pill and all kinds of antibiotics.
She was so uncoherent. She told the cops that it was 4 boys. She left the hospital last night and now she can't remember anything. She says the last thing she remembers is taking a sip of beer.
I don't know what to do. I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
After all of this, I'm going to either have to tell her she has no home to live in, or worry every second of every day. Her heart is breaking. She doesn't want to move to Tennessee.
I can make her only by taking her florida home away from her. She is now out of work for a while, she was a hostess at a restraunt. As long as her face looks like it does, she can't go back.
I want my baby safe. But I don't want to make her life any more miserable than it already is. I can't just let go this time. I have to make a decision if I'm going to let her stay in Florida, or force her into Tennessee.
I feel so totally helpless right now. I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn, you guys are the only people in the world I trust right now.
B
I'm so sorry for what she is going through. And you as well. Why do you have to decide between florida and tennessee? Where does she want to go?
let her know that this was not her fault!!!..even if she was drunk or whatever-getting raped is not her fault...being careless -yes-but no one has a right to drug her and do this.!!! Get her to a counselor ASAP!
Sorry , I don't know what else to say, (((hugs)))
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((raerae))
She wants to stay here in Florida at my old house with her brother. She just moved back down here. She was turning 18 and she made that decision. I wanted her to stay in Tennessee with me. I wanted to still look out for her. But I let her go. I let her decide where to live. I really had no choice.
I still really have no choice, except now that this has happened, if I refuse to let her live in my house in Florida, she will have no where to go except back with me to Tennessee. Where I can keep her safe. I know that's probably wrong of me, but that's all I can really think about right now, how to keep her safe.
She wants to stay here in Florida at my old house with her brother. She just moved back down here. She was turning 18 and she made that decision. I wanted her to stay in Tennessee with me. I wanted to still look out for her. But I let her go. I let her decide where to live. I really had no choice.
I still really have no choice, except now that this has happened, if I refuse to let her live in my house in Florida, she will have no where to go except back with me to Tennessee. Where I can keep her safe. I know that's probably wrong of me, but that's all I can really think about right now, how to keep her safe.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((frankly&daughter))))))
This is just awful....take it slow be gentle. Rape is a hate crime...I hope your daughter will have counseling which could help her remember. I am so sorry this happened to your daughter nobody deserves this....
I would not doubt that there have been other women in her area that have been attacked in this manner. Please insist that the police check to see if there are other cases with similar MOs.
Prayers going out.
This is just awful....take it slow be gentle. Rape is a hate crime...I hope your daughter will have counseling which could help her remember. I am so sorry this happened to your daughter nobody deserves this....
I would not doubt that there have been other women in her area that have been attacked in this manner. Please insist that the police check to see if there are other cases with similar MOs.
Prayers going out.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Oh Frankly... prayers and prayers and prayers going out to her and to you.
My daughter had a rape happen... not this violent, but isn't all rape violent? Anyway, I had so much trouble getting my head around it... and then I allowed her to make some of her own decisions.
Most of those decisions (to stay in the town she was in 300 miles from me, to not get counseling) turned out to be ok, for her, though I still wonder if I could have insisted on counseling. I do think there is that element of shame and blame that even today women tend to feel about rape.
But she was also 18 and full of the idea of "I can do it myself".
What they tell me in program is that we can't plan outcomes. It may be that if your daughter is dead set on staying there, she will find a way - without your house. Just something to consider.
I really liked what Dolly said - about more information coming out over time. That is also what happened in our case. It wasn't vital information, just stuff that helped me put things in perspective and understand where my daughter was coming from when she made her decisions.
My prayers are continuing for your daughter and for you. For strength and comfort.
(((Frankly))))
My daughter had a rape happen... not this violent, but isn't all rape violent? Anyway, I had so much trouble getting my head around it... and then I allowed her to make some of her own decisions.
Most of those decisions (to stay in the town she was in 300 miles from me, to not get counseling) turned out to be ok, for her, though I still wonder if I could have insisted on counseling. I do think there is that element of shame and blame that even today women tend to feel about rape.
But she was also 18 and full of the idea of "I can do it myself".
What they tell me in program is that we can't plan outcomes. It may be that if your daughter is dead set on staying there, she will find a way - without your house. Just something to consider.
I really liked what Dolly said - about more information coming out over time. That is also what happened in our case. It wasn't vital information, just stuff that helped me put things in perspective and understand where my daughter was coming from when she made her decisions.
My prayers are continuing for your daughter and for you. For strength and comfort.
(((Frankly))))
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Well frankly, I don't know what to say, but if she is not 18 yet, she should go where you tell her if she is still being supported by you -if she is still a dependent. Even if she is 18-I know if this was me at this age, my m&d would have me home with them to be safe and get support....
Please make sure she gets some counseling for what happened. Keep her safe-you are her parent. But...this is only my opinion, that's all, take or leave it...
Please make sure she gets some counseling for what happened. Keep her safe-you are her parent. But...this is only my opinion, that's all, take or leave it...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I know how you must be hurting to see your child in that shape. I also have been there. All you can do is reassure her and do what is best for her. There is probably more to the story that will unfold in time. My daughter is just now, while in intensive daily therapy 3 years later, remembering some of the horrible details of her gang rape. Your daughter will need some type of therapy, however, after my daughters assault she went to the rape crisis center for weeks and all it did was make her hate herself more. NOTHING she did or didn't do allows anyone to beat her and hurt her. I have you both in my prayers. Lots of time, patience, and love.
God bless,
susan
God bless,
susan
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((splendra))
Who ever did this is a monster. If you could only see her face. OMG how could anyone be that evil. I know it's out there. I thought I had seen just about everything. This is my baby they did this to.
Who ever did this is a monster. If you could only see her face. OMG how could anyone be that evil. I know it's out there. I thought I had seen just about everything. This is my baby they did this to.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Big Sis))
Wrapping my head around this. You know, until I wrote these words down, I didn't shed the first tear. Now, they are a river. It's always someone else's child. I can't count the times I felt for that someone else's child.
Wrapping my head around this. You know, until I wrote these words down, I didn't shed the first tear. Now, they are a river. It's always someone else's child. I can't count the times I felt for that someone else's child.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Originally Posted by frankly
I
I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
I want my baby safe. B
I raced down here, made a 12 hour trip in 9. I've been strong for her, but I'm just flat out loosing it now. The last 48 hours are hitting me like a ton of bricks, I can't sleep, I just want to find someone and make them pay.
I want my baby safe. B
Hey I don't blame you for wanting her to be safe right now , either, and if the best way to do that is to make her come with you, then do that.
Like I said before, just my opinion.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((caileesnana))
My prayers for you and your daughter. I felt relief that someone else knew the feelings that I and my daughter are having, and horror that someone else feels them. Thank You.
B
My prayers for you and your daughter. I felt relief that someone else knew the feelings that I and my daughter are having, and horror that someone else feels them. Thank You.
B
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