Aysha

I wasnt understandign what that really meant until today. When my new therapist broke it down for me.
I always took as weakness and that I was incapable of changing or unable to stop using no matter what.
Not so...Now I know its those times when I am sitting at a red light and home is right..and the drugs are left..And I am saying and thinking to go home..But I turn left instead without even relizing it or thinking about it. Like a reflex. And no matter how much I think to go right...Left is what my body does.
If that makes sense.
It does to me now.
So maybe I can work steps. Now that I have someone explaining in detail what exactly they mean instaed of just saying..here..these are steps and thats it.

I need explaining sometimes.
Especially when it comes to my own way of thinking.
I think this is what I should have done a long time ago.
More 1 on 1 type thing.
Well anyway..I get it now.
But now I am all paranoid he is going to snitch on me about court.
Goodness..Never happy..LOL

Alive

it's funny because i had a moment like that yesterday...i realized i am in a stage where i prize my health more than the old days of a quick relapse into destruction...i believe it was feeling powerless, and surrendering...i am on level zero, so i begin powerless and i surrendered to the fact that there is no life without balance...and yesterday i had a moment, should i, shouldn't i, and i really realized i won't..because i am more important than any destructive behavior..i don't know how to put this but i am falling in love with me at last...

stay strong...we're here, i know tough days for you are coming...but we will be here...

and whatever happens in any day you already did what you needed, you stayed sober..so no matter what...you will be sober..you can lift your head and be proud anywhere...even in front of a judge...

take care

Aysha

Awww..Thx Karim..That last part shot strait through me.
Your right...and No amount of anxiety pills could do what you just did with those words right there..Thank you.!!

Ready 2 Rock

I always found my car parked at a party store and wondered how that happened. Unfortunately, I always went inside and bought a bottle instead of leaving.

Taking5

Actually, this is also where meetings, big book studies and other readings come into play. Also don't forget the "meeting before/after the meeting" either.