chero

I know some will say the answer to this question doesn't matter and I agree except that I really want to know just because.

I heard someone say this morning that when an Alcoholic says he/she doesn't remember the things they do when they are drunk that is a lie. They said it's selective memory.

Is that true?? Part of me thinks it could be but I don't know for sure.

BigSis

What?

Blackouts are a physical reaction to too much booze.


Your friend is an uninformed earthling.



Memory is a tricky thing, but the more science studies it, the more they have to learn. But I've never heard anyone say that all us alcholics were faking a blackout...

PS - I was a blackout drinker ... I almost always drank to that point. I did not drink daily, but weekly and multiple times during the week at the end.

And back then, I only WISHED I was faking it... you know how terrible it is to wake up the next day and have to hear what you did through someone elses eyes? Plus the folks I was with tended to embellish - just to make me feel bad. Nice friends.

So I got to where I would pretend I remembered - just to avoid hearing it.

I faked it alright... I faked remembering!

Emimily

i was a blackout drinker... i'd black out, then not remember anything i did/said after that point. i had to make loads of apology calls the next day, based on what people told me i did. sometimes i'd have spotty memories of what happened, here and there. and, after a little while, sometimes things would come back. for the most part though, i had no recollection of anything that happened. just my experience.

thanks.

chero

Okay, that's what I thought. My reason for wanting to know isn't a very good one, I guess. My AH never remembered abusing me because he was sooo drunk and then he wouldn't believe the things he did to me. But after the first time he hit me and I told him, he didn't believe me. But then the next time he was drunk he was talking about it and making fun of me and taunting me and it made me think he remembered.

I don't know...I just wondered if it was true or not that it was selective memory.

foregoodreasons

Chero,

I'm reading a book called Drunks, Drugs and Debits right now and there is a section in there where the author talks specifically about the 'selective' memory. It is more than just about blacking out ... it's also about protecting themselves so they feel free to continue to do what they are doing.

I remember a part in the book where he talks about the A waking up the next morning thinking he had a blast the night before and he was the life of the party. When in reality he was so drunk and obnoxious that he almost got into a couple of fights and had to be removed from the establishment.

If I remember I'll go home tonight and see if I can't find his full explanation of this 'selectiveness'. It's quite interesting and was certainly something I did not know. I always assumed As were cognizant of their actions (except when blacking out) and that it was the shame from that behavior that caused them to drink more.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

This thread just makes me grateful that I don't have to wake up in the morning wondering what the heck did I say?? What relief.

cookconfay

Whew! Me too, I blacked out some too, or at least that I can remember or was told about and didn't remember. I know I didn't black out everytime, mostly cuz when I started getting to drunk I would go for some other substance to take me the other direction!!! Glad to be alive, glad to be sober since 8/97!!!

Pick-a-name

Thanks for this thread. Took me awhile to realize AH was having blackouts. Of course, he would not admit to me that he didn't remember; said I was just trying to make him feel bad "inventing things and exaggerating"...that he would never say or do those things. Usually I did not give him a "playback". When the kids said something; I has "coaching them" per him....right (they were mid to late teens). He still is embarassed and angry at me for embarrasing him by suggesting he would act (like he did). He did all of his real drinking at home every evening. I just said that we could no longer tolerate the behavior and that he could not live with us until he addressed this problem. The kids and I would not be afraid in our own home.

I really do not know what he thinks about this now, but it is still a problem. Hopefully, one of these days he will get that help and understand.

Thanks. It is a sad situation, from "both sides" I can see.

Glad for your imput and glad you that experienced this are no longer plagued by this.

best

Back in the day....

Black outs didn't allow me to remember but I would also use that excuse to my benefit if needed to help me in my quacking.
Why did you.....?

What? I never would do that. I must of had one to many and I don't remember.

I would need say it is both.

Astro

I didn't blackout too often, but I definitely had issues with remembering everything I'd said or done every night. Sometimes I'd lie, but other times I honestly couldn't remember. Lately I've been having more and more of it come back to me, ala "more will be revealed".

minnie

If someone told me I had beaten someone up when I had drunk too much to remember, I would never drink again. None of this "you must be wrong" malarky. But then, I don't need to stay "on fantasy" to carry on drinking. FGR makes a great point about psychological defense mechanisms. I had a huge leap in my recovery when I could see my own, as well as those of others.

parentrecovers

my daughter is a black out drinker. when she had her car accident - it was videotaped by the cops. it was a horrible accident - store front crash, lightposts on top of car, etc - about 2 1/2 crash course before she was stopped by an enbankment. her lawyer made her watch it (more as a tough love thing than anything). when the tape was over, she broke down and said, "well, at least now i know what happened."

she did not remember a minute of it..

blessings, k