AllMyFault

Do relationships 'go' toxic, or are they that way from the start, but you just don't realize it? Is there any way to treat a toxic relationship, or is it always better for both parties to just cut ties and go thier separate ways.

SaTiT

it just depends on the person I guess.
It's starts off as toxic as heck for me becuase
of the courtship or ramancing stage, but things
mellow out then everything was okay (both partner
working a program). Through years of living with
her and loving her more as i go. I became very, very
attach to her. Two recoverying alki living together
is actaully a very healthy, non dyfunctional relationship.

it's when one of us relasped..that's when the fun begins.
It made me sicker than sick. Just consider myself a
recoverying alki was okay for me..for years, and years.
I guess life just wanted me to get a deeper understanding
of how it is to be on the flip side..I made my amends
and all doing step #8 and #9 as a recoverying alki,
but those steps has more meanings to me, now.

It's posisable, becuase my gf is sober now
and working her program and me working mine.

I'm different then her..my father is an active alki
and she was brought up in a different envirnment.

I'm special and god love's me best,
Becuase god and i can handle anything...
I get to do the AA, Al-anon, and the ACOA.lol

cmc

Hi,
I can't treat my relationships. The only thing I can control is my end of things- I can set boundaries, let go, communicate clearly and take care of my own stuff.
I'm guessing some relationships start out fine and turn toxic and some start off bad and improve. There can be as many combinations as there are people and situations.
I've been married over 33 years and the one constant is that things are always changing and I need to adjust myself accordingly. For me it's not cut and dried- sometimes my side of things needs more work than his, and vice versa at other times.

prodigal

I think once a relationship reaches the "toxic" stage, I'd be giving serious thought to removing myself rather than attempting to salvage it. However, if both parties are willing to work hard on their issues, I would think something toxic could become healthy. From my own experience, I have found that there was evidence of toxicity in several relationships from the beginning, I just chose to ignore it. Once the relationship got really bad, I had a few ah-ha moments about past behaviors that should have warned me of the bad things to come.

So, AllMyFault, I guess it boils down to making a personal decision. If I felt I was being poisoned by all the toxic junk in a relationship, I would make plans to leave. And until the minute I walked out the door for good, I'd be detaching.

FormerDoormat

I agree with Prodie. Once a relationship reaches the toxic stage, it's time to move on.

mallowcup

Yup, I'd move on. When people do not come together to make a healthy union, I'd end it. You can take two stable safe chemicals together and when the two mix, it can become a lethal poison. If the two of you bring out the worst in each other, end it.