TexasGirl

Well, so, the stbX did go to rehab. He just decided to drink the very day he got out. Okay, so you check in to a $25,000 facility that you are lucky to have insurance to cover 85% of, and after 34 days of "growth," you check out and drink that very same day??? I was just shocked beyond words. Actually, I had words, and they were actually nice. I cried a little, and I told him I was very sorry that he had this thing that would be with him the rest of his life. It will always be a sad thing to see someone, whether you still have emotional ties to them or not, going down.

He then proceeded to tell me that on day 5 out of rehab, he got another DWI. I just about hit the floor. Can you believe it gets worse? When I was moving out in August, he was going through the court process for #3 (it's still not settled). Today he told me that he'd kept one from me that he got in November. So yes, now he has five, three of which are undergoing trial simultaneously.

I simply cannot fathom the depths of addiction.

His poor mom. I hurt for her, and I hurt for him.

The only consolation is that I don't hurt for me. And that, I believe, is a good thing. We've got to get this divorce wrapped up.

CE Girl

((((((TG)))))))

Timely post for me TG,,,if you read my thread,,,

THANK you for the power of example,,

Peace

denny57

You're both still young, TG Wait until the body starts to fall apart. Yes, it's sad and yes, it's good that you don't hurt for you. It takes a lot of courage to change.

FormerDoormat

It sure is, TexasGirl, and it can drain the life out of you if you allow it. I'm glad to see that you're moving on with your life. Perhaps it would be best to cut off all contact with him once your divorce is final. The less you know about what's happening in his life, the better.

dollydo

I agree with FD, no contact, with all those DUI's he may be prison bound and you don't need to go through that experience with him.

Time to walk away, for good.

fluffyflea

TexasGirl,

He's making his choices and he's reaping what he is sowing. Be grateful you aren't there anymore.


Earthworm

WhatAboutME

I have asked myself "How much worse could this get?" sooooooooooo many times. It can always get worse I have learned. My AH has drank the very day that he was d/c from the past 2 rehabs (He completed both 15 days programs within the past 90 days.) He has also drank the very day he was d/c from the hospital (3x) and detox (8x) in the same time period. He is just not ready to stop drinking. Yet, I hope. For HIS sake.

It sucks. (((TG)))

minnie

(((TG)))

Just underlines the "rightness" of the decision you made for yourself.

Imagine what it would be like if you were still there?! Ugh.

Hope he "sees the light" sooner rather than later. But then I think that about everyone in slave to their dysfunction. Including myself some days!

embraced2000

((((TG)))))

the first shock of drinking right out of rehab was the worst for me with my xah. i stuck around for about 35-50 more attempts. (that number includes rehabs, detoxes, psych wards, daily out patient programs, and half-way homes)

it does and can get much, much worse. some make it, but from what i understand, very, very few.

none of it makes sense, just remember that. can't make sense out of nonsense.

everytime mine went for treatment, my heart would soar with hope and love. everytime, i was crushed. my expectations needed adjusted big time.

it's just such a shock, isn't it? my heart quit getting broke when i stopped being shocked.

i'm sorry, tg, really sorry that he can't kick this thing. maybe in time.

cagefree

Sorry (((TG)))

Glad you're not hurting for you - a sure sign that recovery from being a codie works and the payoff is You.

ritabee

I can relate to this. My XABF detoxed at home for 10 days, went to rehab for 19 days, came out and got his 30 day AA chip. Then went home and got drunk.

While he was sober I saw a whole different person. He was loving and caring (to me, but most importantly to himself). He seemed so optimistic about the future and his thoughts and reasoning were clear. I dared to become optimistic too.

Then a week later he got yet another DUI. He's now spending weekends (Fri night to Mon morning) in jail. He's lost his license for 3 years. He's back drinking almost daily except Sat & Sun. He drinks Friday before he goes in and Monday after he gets out and all days in between. He's not ready to quit and I fear he never will be.

I'm just mad at myself for daring to be hopeful. I hate that I've met the loving, caring man because I feel like he's died (again). Beer has killed him. And what's so frustrating is that for the first time in his life he finally liked HIMSELF. But I guess not enough!

Ayers1995

It is very sad TG. I'm so thankful that in your situation you were able to realize that things weren't going to get better. You had the foresight to not start a family and be so very thankful for that. It's hard when your kids want to go through the drive thru liquor store b/c that's where daddy gets their gum.

I am sorry for him and his family... I am glad for you getting out and realizing the situation. Stay strong.

Astro

I'm so sorry to hear this, TG, but after going to an AA meeting almost every day for over two years nothing surprises me. There's a bar two doors down from my meetings. It's not uncommon for alcoholics to pick up a 30 day chip and then walk over there to celebrate with a few.

I'm sure it's dumbfounding, but like WhatAboutME mentioned, he's just not ready to quit drinking.

aztchr

So, Astro, they can basically lie about the days sober and get rewarded?

TG, stay strong! Keep taking care of yourself!!

brdlvr

I just posted my update after a year of being off this site and I understand how you (or me) cannot understand how they think and why they do what they do. I am still trying to get the fact that I will never understand the way they think - never. It makes no sense at all. None. It is sad to me the choices they make. but it is what it is.

Astro

Maybe some of them can. It's a program of rigorous honesty. Unfortunately, some of us will never know what that really means.

elizabeth1979

This brings back memories.
The first time my ex was in rehab, I didnt know him.
He told me he drank the day of his release. When I asked him why, he said, bc he didnt care and bc he wanted to.

The second time he was in rehab, I didnt know him, he went a day or two.
The third time, he lasted a year he tells me.
The fourth time, I dont know how long it was for sure, but my his actions, Im guessing a week..maybe 2.

My ex didnt think it was that big of a deal he told me bc he was young and lots of
people drink and are alcoholics and 'nothing happens to them till later'.

I am consoled to know your pain isnt for your continued enmeshment with him.
I know you did the right thing for you. Careful of that pain you feel for his mother.
Keep reveling in you.