theotherone

Geez...this is hard. I try to be strong and just when I think I'm doing o.k., I get weak. Will this ever end (that was an "I'm weak at the moment" comment). I figured out what is needed for me to move forward. I gave my AH a layout of our current finances and what we could do to improve the immediate...a refinance would pay off old debt, and allow for some much needed home improvement, still leaving equity in the home. The other alternative would be to sell, pay off all debt and move forward seperately. The first alternative would give us better financial footing if we would proceed with the seperating. It's been a week and no communication whatsoever. I wanted to talk yesterday but he was in a hurry to help his elderly mother with her lawncare. (drinking from 2:00 to 9:30PM). He has tried to slow his drinking in my presence and make it look like he can control it. Short of pissing him off (with a simple question)...I'm now ready to ask for an answer and prepared for him to choose the latter that will only hurt us both in the long run. Why is it so hard for them to see how difficult they make life???? Why am I expecting so much from someone who has a track record of giving nothing???? Why am I expecting someone who blames me for all the debt to take responsibility for our finanances????

aztchr

Then this seems to answer your own questions. I've been told not to let someone else make the decisions for my life.
When you are ready to give yourself what you need, you will.

Janitw

Hey don't beat yourself up hunny....he's just doing what alcoholics do...

My XFIL told me that my XAH told him that my ex didnt feel like he was getting ahead with me??? Imagine that?? We had no credit card debt never been late on our mortgage no loans out other than the kids cars which they paid for...what the he!! We had NO money problems.... Hunny you never know what will come out of their mouths... Hang in there..

Janitw

MsPINKAcres

((Theotherone))

Recovery has taught me sometimes the disease makes it where I am unable to think about what is best for "we or us" - I begin to make my decisions about what is best for me. At first it sounded a little selfish, but now I know in doing what is best for me, I get out of the way to allow my AH to have the dignity to walk his own path.

Prayerfully, it will be a path to recovery, but if not, it will be his path, not mine.

It's ok to do what is best for you - You deserve it.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

Spiritual Seeker

Stop expecting anything and just take care of business. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. learn all you can about alcoholism.

FormerDoormat

Refinancing just moves debt around, it doesn't eliminate it. Additionally, if you're thinking about leaving your husband, now is not the time to begin a remodeling project or use existing assets to fund it. Selling the home and paying off your current debts is a better choice for your financial health. Leaving your husband is a better choice for your emotional health.

theotherone

I would tend to agree with you FD...but in order to not take a hit on the house if we paid off debt and did the roof, driveway and bathroom, we could get what we deserve from the house and walk away with more cash...or even stay and work on us.

FormerDoormat

I guess the bottom line is what do you really want? Do you want to stay and work on your relationship or do you want to move on? Is your husband making any attempts at recovery? If he's not making a concerted effort to become sober, the only thing you can expect from him is more of the same bad behavior.