I feel myself sliding....
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
I feel myself sliding....
Hey all,
You know I was so proud of myself, the way I was handling things. No big emotional outbursts (just tiny ones), realizing those things that were damaged were just that only things, which can be replaced.
I've talked to the counselor and him and have tried to be reassuring to him. The counselor was even going to give him a phone pass so he could by pass the payphones and call me without a hassle.
Well, he hasn't called. I know he is still feeling bad and I know they are trying to teach him things to possibly work a program. But is it selfish of me to want him to call. I know I might say things that perhaps he isn't ready hear but I would think on a whole I would be reassuring considering his mental state of mind. Does this make any sense at all?
You know its visiting days today and tomorrow and I thought about going to see him and asking him if he needs anything but as of the last time I spoke to him, he didn't even fill out a visitors list so I can't even go visit because I don't know if it would be a wasted trip or perhaps he doesn't want to see me and I guess that is what really hurts.
I guess I am just being silly. But I can feel myself slipping.....sliding back to the ways I would have been before....perhaps needing a bit more control. Who has the skillet, the frying pan, or just use your hand but I think I need a few wacks in the head.
Aaaahhhhh.....I just feel like screaming!! Thanks for letting me.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
You know I was so proud of myself, the way I was handling things. No big emotional outbursts (just tiny ones), realizing those things that were damaged were just that only things, which can be replaced.
I've talked to the counselor and him and have tried to be reassuring to him. The counselor was even going to give him a phone pass so he could by pass the payphones and call me without a hassle.
Well, he hasn't called. I know he is still feeling bad and I know they are trying to teach him things to possibly work a program. But is it selfish of me to want him to call. I know I might say things that perhaps he isn't ready hear but I would think on a whole I would be reassuring considering his mental state of mind. Does this make any sense at all?
You know its visiting days today and tomorrow and I thought about going to see him and asking him if he needs anything but as of the last time I spoke to him, he didn't even fill out a visitors list so I can't even go visit because I don't know if it would be a wasted trip or perhaps he doesn't want to see me and I guess that is what really hurts.
I guess I am just being silly. But I can feel myself slipping.....sliding back to the ways I would have been before....perhaps needing a bit more control. Who has the skillet, the frying pan, or just use your hand but I think I need a few wacks in the head.
Aaaahhhhh.....I just feel like screaming!! Thanks for letting me.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{Barbiedeb}}}
You have had such a busy time just trying to cope with the damage and chaos, so it is no wonder that your emotions took a while to kick in.
No skillet whacks for you today, not even a bunny slipper nudge. You have done all the "do" things and your strength has been remarkable. Just because it hurts and you are feeling the pain, doesn't mean your recovery has slipped, it means that you are human and in a painful situation.
Now, about the visit. I know that I always feel better when I can see my son and know he is in good hands. And you know the "do's" and don'ts" about all this, so why don't you call him and see if he is up to a visit? If he is not, then maybe it's beacuse he needs to focus on just him and what he is doing. Do what feels right for you, and then let it go.
I'm sending huge hugs and prayers, just to comfort you after what must have been an exhausting week. And lots of love too.
You have had such a busy time just trying to cope with the damage and chaos, so it is no wonder that your emotions took a while to kick in.
No skillet whacks for you today, not even a bunny slipper nudge. You have done all the "do" things and your strength has been remarkable. Just because it hurts and you are feeling the pain, doesn't mean your recovery has slipped, it means that you are human and in a painful situation.
Now, about the visit. I know that I always feel better when I can see my son and know he is in good hands. And you know the "do's" and don'ts" about all this, so why don't you call him and see if he is up to a visit? If he is not, then maybe it's beacuse he needs to focus on just him and what he is doing. Do what feels right for you, and then let it go.
I'm sending huge hugs and prayers, just to comfort you after what must have been an exhausting week. And lots of love too.
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Live - Thanks for the whack. Not sure what the plans are today but definitely need to stay busy.....perhaps shopping.....hmmmm.
Ann - I think I know all of what you said but I think I needed to hear it from someone else. I guess deep down I am trying not to interfere with "his recovery" but I suppose his recovery makes it feel like a see saw.
I'll try to call him later and see what he wants and if what he wants isn't what I want, I will go spend money.....lol
Thanks again!!
Hugs to you both!!
With love,
Debbie
Ann - I think I know all of what you said but I think I needed to hear it from someone else. I guess deep down I am trying not to interfere with "his recovery" but I suppose his recovery makes it feel like a see saw.
I'll try to call him later and see what he wants and if what he wants isn't what I want, I will go spend money.....lol
Thanks again!!
Hugs to you both!!
With love,
Debbie
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
My rule of thumb on these things is whether or not they ask. He has not asked for anything...your caretaking is showing. 
He hasn't put anyone down on a visiter list.
My guess is that he is overwelmed with guilt...very sad. But I wouldn't be too quick to give him absolution. I am not saying punish....but what will it accomplish to let him off the hook? His guilt may be just what he needs to feel and remember. The only way for this to end is for him to totally "get" the consequences.
That is also why I don't think you should fix that fence for him. Shielding them from consequences can be life threatening.
Hugs,
JT
He hasn't put anyone down on a visiter list. My guess is that he is overwelmed with guilt...very sad. But I wouldn't be too quick to give him absolution. I am not saying punish....but what will it accomplish to let him off the hook? His guilt may be just what he needs to feel and remember. The only way for this to end is for him to totally "get" the consequences.
That is also why I don't think you should fix that fence for him. Shielding them from consequences can be life threatening.
Hugs,
JT
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Live - I just came back from shopping. How therapeutic is that? Not sure if I will keep everything I bought but it felt good at the time.......lol
JT - I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. No matter how much he screws up it doesn't stop me from the "need/want" of wanting to talk to him and wondering what the heck is going on........how screwed up am I??
I did call and he said his phone pass is good for the weekend and if I wanted to come visit to come tomorrow, he was leaving it up to me. Asked if I did come, would I bring smokes. So bottom line there was nothing wrong and I made something out of it.
I didn't fix the fence and the guy has not not talked to me nor has he been "stalking" me so I think I will leave that to him when he gets out. I think the reason I wanted to get the fence fixed so much was to get the guy to leave me alone, and for me to not be reminded it happened. I see it every day when I look out my front window. But the more I think about it the more I agree it should be up to him to get the fence fixed even it means looking at for a little while longer.
When I talked to him the other day I told him again that I wanted to sell the boat to cover the fence and buy a new/used car and he seemed to agree although his highly medicated state I wonder if he will remember.
Anyway, I am going to go try on all my new clothes and jewels and see if I am taking anything back or keeping it all!!
Many hugs
Love,
Debbie
JT - I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself. No matter how much he screws up it doesn't stop me from the "need/want" of wanting to talk to him and wondering what the heck is going on........how screwed up am I??
I did call and he said his phone pass is good for the weekend and if I wanted to come visit to come tomorrow, he was leaving it up to me. Asked if I did come, would I bring smokes. So bottom line there was nothing wrong and I made something out of it.
I didn't fix the fence and the guy has not not talked to me nor has he been "stalking" me so I think I will leave that to him when he gets out. I think the reason I wanted to get the fence fixed so much was to get the guy to leave me alone, and for me to not be reminded it happened. I see it every day when I look out my front window. But the more I think about it the more I agree it should be up to him to get the fence fixed even it means looking at for a little while longer.
When I talked to him the other day I told him again that I wanted to sell the boat to cover the fence and buy a new/used car and he seemed to agree although his highly medicated state I wonder if he will remember.
Anyway, I am going to go try on all my new clothes and jewels and see if I am taking anything back or keeping it all!!
Many hugs
Love,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hey Debbie.
Um... can'tcha just call the place and find out if you're on a visitors list? If you're not the quandry is over. If you are, oh dear. I think I said this to someone yesterday. Who cares if you're being selfish? If you want (for you) to go see him (for you) go! Of course, the flip side of that is ____________. (Fill in the blank.)
Hugs!
Smoke
Um... can'tcha just call the place and find out if you're on a visitors list? If you're not the quandry is over. If you are, oh dear. I think I said this to someone yesterday. Who cares if you're being selfish? If you want (for you) to go see him (for you) go! Of course, the flip side of that is ____________. (Fill in the blank.)
Hugs!
Smoke
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hey Smokie
If only I would have made it that easy on myself.....lol Don't you know by now I need to make everything into a big production. I never see the easy way, I always seem to over analyze and make mountains out of molehills although I have been getting better. I guess in a way, I was thinking of me and my needs with his there also. Not sure if this makes sense but I know what I mean
Thanks for spelling it out for me.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
No poor timing......just posting at the same time.......
If only I would have made it that easy on myself.....lol Don't you know by now I need to make everything into a big production. I never see the easy way, I always seem to over analyze and make mountains out of molehills although I have been getting better. I guess in a way, I was thinking of me and my needs with his there also. Not sure if this makes sense but I know what I mean
Thanks for spelling it out for me.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
No poor timing......just posting at the same time.......
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Deb,
How well I can identify with that over analyzing thing. Good glory, I can think and analyze and think some more until I analzye it to death and I'm still no farther ahead in the game than I was when I started.
Know what I think? I think you are smart to post here. It shows you are thinking things through and trying to get the proper perspective on what is going on in that head of your's.
And Deb, honey....who better to come to than all your fellow EXPERTS here?.....lol. Ok, maybe I should say all your recovering experts here? Ok, alright....all your recoverying friends here. Speaking for myself, I know I'm no expert UNLESS you want to talk chocolate...
But we do love ya and care about you when you are going through your 'heavy on the analysis' times. I think we all have them....
Hang in there and keep us posted. We all learn from each other.
Love,
Hangin' In
How well I can identify with that over analyzing thing. Good glory, I can think and analyze and think some more until I analzye it to death and I'm still no farther ahead in the game than I was when I started.
Know what I think? I think you are smart to post here. It shows you are thinking things through and trying to get the proper perspective on what is going on in that head of your's.
And Deb, honey....who better to come to than all your fellow EXPERTS here?.....lol. Ok, maybe I should say all your recovering experts here? Ok, alright....all your recoverying friends here. Speaking for myself, I know I'm no expert UNLESS you want to talk chocolate...
But we do love ya and care about you when you are going through your 'heavy on the analysis' times. I think we all have them....
Hang in there and keep us posted. We all learn from each other.
Love,
Hangin' In
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hangin' In - I am so glad you think I am thinking things through because I feel like I am being a big whiner......lol
Its funny about the analyzing thing. I get so irritated with a few at work that always over analyze things, I think you could have had it done already if you hadn't analyzed it for 15 minutes. I guess I need to follow my own advice.
It really does help me to share though. I think whacks of the skillet and loving advice are just what I need right now.
Now as for the chocolate, we don't need to talk chocolate, let's just eat it!! lol I love it all but I have a preference to dark
I will keep you all posted whether its a little bit of whining, a little bit of analyzing or just because........
Thanks.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Its funny about the analyzing thing. I get so irritated with a few at work that always over analyze things, I think you could have had it done already if you hadn't analyzed it for 15 minutes. I guess I need to follow my own advice.
It really does help me to share though. I think whacks of the skillet and loving advice are just what I need right now.
Now as for the chocolate, we don't need to talk chocolate, let's just eat it!! lol I love it all but I have a preference to dark
I will keep you all posted whether its a little bit of whining, a little bit of analyzing or just because........
Thanks.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hello
The hardest thing to do is NOTHING! To simply sit back, focus on ourselves and do NOTHING! Wow do I know that one:-). Instead of worrying so much about him, perhaps you could try and focus just on you and being good to yourself. The buttom line is this, the more you worry , the more you think about him the more you simply hurt yourself. It is not doing you any good at all. Remember that God does not want us to feel bad, he wants us to live our lives to the fullest and have serenity. When you start focusing on you and not him you be amazed what happens................I dare you to try:-) Much love!!
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hey Prettywoman
Well, I pretty much did that today, spent some money, watched tv and basically did the things I wanted to do today and I feel good
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I do appreciate it.
Many hugs
Love,
Debbie
Well, I pretty much did that today, spent some money, watched tv and basically did the things I wanted to do today and I feel good
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I do appreciate it.
Many hugs
Love,
Debbie
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