Newcomer...

It will be one week tomorrow since I had my boyfriend committed to a Dept of Correction treatment facility. It was the hardest day of my life. And the days that have followed aren't much behind it. Aside from the obvious, I miss him incredibly, I hate staying alone in my apartment, and my work (in the human service field...) has proven to be completely and totally insensitive to the employee's needs.

In the past 6 days, though, I've discovered that I take comfort in things I never thought I would.
Our puppy has been the most comforting of all. She went through everything I did - and she spent every night away from home with me. And she has missed him with me. She's there with me when I'm scared, alone at night. She looks for him in the places she'd normally find him (his side of the bed, his spot on the couch...). She actually pulled one of his shirts out of the pile of laundry I was sorting to wash and laid down on it. Just when I start to become completely self-absorbed in my own misery - she does something to wake me up. No matter what I'm feeling, I've either got to take her out, feed her, or throw the toy she just threw on my lap for the 5th time. I've always had pets and always taken comfort in them, but this is different.

The sound of the upstairs neighbors going about their routine. It may sound strange, I know. But late at night, when I feel the most alone, it makes me feel better to hear people walking around and going about their nightly business They tend to vacuum at like 11:30 at night - which used to make me crazy, but now actually makes me feel a little better....

The full ashtray on the table... Again, crazy I know. He smokes - I don't. A constant pet peeve of mine is that every time I clean the coffee table, he smokes a cigarette and ashes spill onto the table. Right now, my coffee table is covered in ashes and the ashtray is full. Normally, I'd clean it off and 2 hours later it would look exactly the same. But I can't clean it off right now...

I'm sure i'll think of a few more later on... It's amazing the little things that can help to make you feel a little better....

CE Girl

((((((Newcomer)))))))

Being a "newbie" in recovery is the same whether your an A or a codie. The first days ares the toughest. You whole world, as messed up as it was, it turned topsy turvie. Everything feels strange and your like a child learning to walk. Keep bumping into the furniture,,,,

One thing I learned, when dealing with grief, is everyone goes at there own pace. Some people "purge" right away, others "linger" over the task. Leaving every thing the same till they "knew" it was time. When my husband died, I went to a support group. One of the ladies that was in my group carried her deceased BF in a tennis urn. I'm telling ya, the urn went EVERYWHERE with her. When she went rollerblading, she'd leave it on the seawall. Hell, one night I walked into the meeting, and it was in the middle of the conference table?!?!?!? She thought we'd like to meet him?

I cleaned out my husbands stuff almost immediatly after his death. Then bought new furniture and threw that DAM water bed out the bedroom window,,,

We all grieve differently.

Your doing good. What a lucky puppy to have Mom's undivided attention

Stay strong

Peace

splendra

(((((Newcomer)))))))

Take good care of yourself....