kodris

I'm feelin down at the moment i live in London and work in Monaco in high level security, but I used to chat with my GF on a regular basis kinda helps you get through the being away and working everyday for a month thing.

Now after I discovered her addiction and brought it in to the open we hav'nt, and probably wont speak for a long time, so I just feel pretty alone at the moment, I know I must seem like a big girl but considering what I do for a living I kinda gotta keep this to myself (for now anyway) its just getting to me today thats all, you know I feel like i've lost my best friend as well as my GF and I know about co-dependency but surely missing some one under these circumstance's is not the same thing!
JESUS!! Listen to me I'm rambling on like an idiot well anyway, any body else out there just wanna talk? Anyone havin a bad day or maybe a good one to cheer this moaner up!!

Ciaran

Cynay

I dont think of you like a "big girl" you have lost your best friend and its ok to feel like you do..... Missing someone is not Co-dependant..... enabling them when you know they are in the throws of addiction is co-dependant.

What you have done is not easy and I for one am proud of you. Sometimes doing the right thing just does not feel very good.

Hang tight... this will pass

kodris

Thanks for that,
but being honest about it the rows we've had or should I say sceaming matchs over the week I was home are the reason were not talking if it was down to me I'd probably give in and speak to her LOVE IS HARD, I am proud I've taken a stance though its just difficult to stay possitive, and my whole spiritual belief system is based in positivity.

I was gonna ask her to marry me the end of the summer while on holidays and its just been dwelling on my mind today,

BUt thanks just talking is really helpfull sort of a release.

dollydo

Welcome,

Sounds like you are going through the grieving process. Grieving what was, and what could have been.

Been there, did that.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Dolly

Cynay

Perhaps this is a lesson then ... Life is not always positive.... It is how we moun a loss and work though it that gives us the experience to deal with larger life issues...

I understand the hurt/pain, but you have to realize what a large loss that is ... now you will need to mourn .. the death of a relationship, especially one so close that you would as her to be your wife, is hard... Im glad you took a stance too and set a boundry because I promise you if you had not and had allowed this to go one and ignored those red flags.... It would hurt alot more 10 years and 2 kids down the road when you lost her completely to the drugs.

Love is hard, deaf, dumb, blind and in general not good for our health with its an unhealthy love.... Just work on yourself hon.... she has alot of work to do on herself and you cant help her with that one.

kodris

Cheers guys it is really hard I'm still hoping this is te kick in the ass little miss perfect needs to wake up and realise what she is throwing away untill I thought about it and spoke with her mom i didnt realise or take the time to realise that she has always had everything handed to he reither by me or her family, Im glad to say that has changed as me and her mom are in contact and well if this is what it takes for her to hit rock bottom fine I'm just not watchin it I love her too much to be a spectator in that game (feelin righteous again thanks guys this site is really wonderfull) xxxx

Cynay

Im glad your feeling stronger ... but dont worry if you do the emotional roller coaster for awhile. It is hard to watch someone you love killing themselves...

Have you thought about going to an Al-anon meeting... It sure helped me get thing figured out and offered me the support of people who "really got" what I was going though...Maybe go with her Mom?

Hopefully this is her bottom.... but regardless... try not to think about what she is doing or not doing... focus on what your doing to pamper yourself through this ...

kodris

As far as meetings go im all up for that, its just getting the time, while our home was in london and well mine still is, her mother lives in Ireland and I work in monaco/france so you see its difficult, but I do intend visiting her mom the next time Im back in Ireland visiting my family so maybe then, and pampering me well gotta be honest pampering Alicia was my way of pampering me apparently i've got night in shining armour syndrome (co-dependency MAYBE) anyway I'll find my way i always have I just wanna stay possitive as the shame thing is gonna kill Alicia the most, this addict is smoking heroin and portrays little miss hipp and well to do (my boyfriend is an international bodyguard) God that used to annoy me but now it just seems trivial she is actually gonna get a big wake up as without us her lifestyle is gone and that is a make or break as far as Ican see. Anyway IM hoping and praying, and well I'll just keep posting as I cant do much else but thank you for listening its good to talk

Ciaran

marle

Kodris, Welcome to SR. One thing I would like to say is don't get your expectations up about this being her bottom. My daughter is my addict. She is 21. Beautiful girl, homecoming court, cheerleader, top ten in her class, church youth group leader and an addict at the age of 19. I thought that taking everything away from her would give her incentive to give up the drugs. Instead she took up with a 37 year old crack addict who supplies all her drugs. The sad truth is that addicts are often willing to lose everything good in their lives to get their drugs. Things that are so important to a normal person becomes insignificant to an addict. I hope that your GF will want to get help, but addiction is progressive and gets worse and there is no telling what her bottom will be. Take care of you. If someone had asked me if they should stand by my daughter, my advice would be to run like h#ll. Addicts are almost impossible to live with. Marle

hope213

kodris, i am sorry you are feeling this way. i hope she will hit her bottom soon.there is nothing you can do to help her.just keep coming bck & read all the stickys at the top of the page.we are here for you.i am saying a prayer for you & her both.