update....
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
update....
Well someone that is a friend of my H called today saying that he had given him money to do some work over a month and a half ago and that he never showed to do the work. I told him about what has been happening with us as far as me throwing him out of the house and him sleeping in his truck for almost a week...
His friend has given him a key to his house and said he is going to take it back the next time he sees him.
I told him this morning he needs to take his health and sanity to rehab and move on.
I told him I know he is sick and that everybody but, him seems to know it.
He got high at someones house that he does work for the other day they called me wanting to know if they should call an ambulance cause he looks really weird and can't talk when he gets high. They then called back a few minutes later saying he left.
He is so sick. I feel a lot of compassion for him I don't think he really has a bottom. It is scary. I feel afraid that he may commit suicide....
I want ya'll to know that I am okay I am thinking on what my next step needs to be with him. I have feeling he might give me a reason to take stronger actions soon....
His friend has given him a key to his house and said he is going to take it back the next time he sees him.
I told him this morning he needs to take his health and sanity to rehab and move on.
I told him I know he is sick and that everybody but, him seems to know it.
He got high at someones house that he does work for the other day they called me wanting to know if they should call an ambulance cause he looks really weird and can't talk when he gets high. They then called back a few minutes later saying he left.
He is so sick. I feel a lot of compassion for him I don't think he really has a bottom. It is scary. I feel afraid that he may commit suicide....
I want ya'll to know that I am okay I am thinking on what my next step needs to be with him. I have feeling he might give me a reason to take stronger actions soon....
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
He gets so mad when I tell someone that he uses dope. I'm pretty sure I cover for him a lot he is so secretive with me that I am sure it lures me to try and gain his confidence by not divulging to others what he is up to.
But when people call that have given him money to do work and say he doesn't do it I am inclined to say something to them about his drug use or when they call me and say he is in their front yard unable to speak looking very strange I feel it is fair for me to tell them what is going on...of course he still denies it. God I hate dope and all that goes with it.
But when people call that have given him money to do work and say he doesn't do it I am inclined to say something to them about his drug use or when they call me and say he is in their front yard unable to speak looking very strange I feel it is fair for me to tell them what is going on...of course he still denies it. God I hate dope and all that goes with it.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I have been reading a book online called "Malignant Self Love" by: Sam Vaknin
He is a narcissist writing about narcissism. I find it to be a very interesting read.
I have studied my psych text books and have been reading online about personality disorders my H has all of the classic symptoms of the personality disorder Narcissism. Although he has not been officially been diagnosed with this disorder even that is a symptom as they do not see that they have a problem and it is very unlikely they will seek help and if they do seek help they do everything to throw the therapist off track and even anger them to the point of not wanting to work with them.
I have thought it is the dope making him behave this way but I am beginning to doubt it. There is no effective drug therapy or any other therapy for that matter for this type of disorder. They are very resistant to treatment. I believe if my H did not have a personality disorder he would not be doing drugs at all. I think doing drugs is his only way of escaping the hell inside his mind.
I think it is possible that many of the people on drugs do have personality disorders especially the ones who are highly resistant to treatment, logic or just plain old compassion for what they are doing to others. A Narcissist has no empathy for others. Their true self is a starving neglected infant that they can not bare to look at. The inner landscape of their mind is filled with self hatred gloom and doom. I can see this in my H. I see how insecure he is and how there is nothing I can do to help him there are no words, touch, medicine, spiritual quest, or change that can make this go away for them. So they create a false self and look for people who can reflect this back to them.
They are incapable of feeling or giving love the only thing that passes for love to them is finding someone who can effectively reflect back to them their false self the self they create to be admired & adored. They are very intelligent usually and very good at finding their sources of "Narcissistic Supply" ie:person able to give them the reflection. In their mind we are objects it does not matter to them that in reaching for other sources of Narcissistic Supply that they hurt someone else. They are aware that they may be in trouble with that person but to them nothing is more important than getting this supply.
When they are left by their partners they just find someone else their is no greif or reflective period....
I think it does bother me that he will do this to someone else. I do not feel jealousy I feel compassion that he will cause another human being this pain and probably be able to convince them that all the other women that they have hurt were deficient, crazy, hateful and vengeful. They will see this beautiful talented guy just like I did and the ones before me....
He is a narcissist writing about narcissism. I find it to be a very interesting read.
I have studied my psych text books and have been reading online about personality disorders my H has all of the classic symptoms of the personality disorder Narcissism. Although he has not been officially been diagnosed with this disorder even that is a symptom as they do not see that they have a problem and it is very unlikely they will seek help and if they do seek help they do everything to throw the therapist off track and even anger them to the point of not wanting to work with them.
I have thought it is the dope making him behave this way but I am beginning to doubt it. There is no effective drug therapy or any other therapy for that matter for this type of disorder. They are very resistant to treatment. I believe if my H did not have a personality disorder he would not be doing drugs at all. I think doing drugs is his only way of escaping the hell inside his mind.
I think it is possible that many of the people on drugs do have personality disorders especially the ones who are highly resistant to treatment, logic or just plain old compassion for what they are doing to others. A Narcissist has no empathy for others. Their true self is a starving neglected infant that they can not bare to look at. The inner landscape of their mind is filled with self hatred gloom and doom. I can see this in my H. I see how insecure he is and how there is nothing I can do to help him there are no words, touch, medicine, spiritual quest, or change that can make this go away for them. So they create a false self and look for people who can reflect this back to them.
They are incapable of feeling or giving love the only thing that passes for love to them is finding someone who can effectively reflect back to them their false self the self they create to be admired & adored. They are very intelligent usually and very good at finding their sources of "Narcissistic Supply" ie:person able to give them the reflection. In their mind we are objects it does not matter to them that in reaching for other sources of Narcissistic Supply that they hurt someone else. They are aware that they may be in trouble with that person but to them nothing is more important than getting this supply.
When they are left by their partners they just find someone else their is no greif or reflective period....
I think it does bother me that he will do this to someone else. I do not feel jealousy I feel compassion that he will cause another human being this pain and probably be able to convince them that all the other women that they have hurt were deficient, crazy, hateful and vengeful. They will see this beautiful talented guy just like I did and the ones before me....
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((Anvilhead))))
Of course you are right to a certain degree with his drug problem in place all bets are off as to what his problem maybe or who they really are even.
But, suicide is possible for anyone with any kind of mental distress or feelings of hopelessness even a narcissist who feels cut off from their source. They do not love their life they love their false self amd for this false self it could be seen as the ultimate act of revenge....several people in his family have committed suicide...
Of course you are right to a certain degree with his drug problem in place all bets are off as to what his problem maybe or who they really are even.
But, suicide is possible for anyone with any kind of mental distress or feelings of hopelessness even a narcissist who feels cut off from their source. They do not love their life they love their false self amd for this false self it could be seen as the ultimate act of revenge....several people in his family have committed suicide...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Splendra, please keep yourself safe. And good for you for being honest about his addiction and not taking on the consequences for his bad actions.
Just know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Just know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I know to keep myself safe I am not alone with him at any time plus I have 2 doberman pinchers (my girls won't let anything happen to me) that follow me around all day.
I have a lot of faith in God. I know I have to stand back from my H and let God work this out. I know he needs to go he knows it too. I am doing the very best I know how to do. In many ways I feel like I am as screwed up as he is otherwise I would not need a suport group because I am involved with him. I know that my issues need a good zapping and that it probably won't get done untill he is no longer living in my space....it is my house I don't feel like I should have to be the one who leaves.
I know my life is way beyound unmanageble and only God can get me out of this mess so i think i will let Him....i got my inventory right here with me and am adding to it I am going to send it to my sponcer and she will most likely send me some feed back tonight. Oh gosh my sponcer doesn't even know what I have been going thru...boy will she be surprized....her mom passed recently and I haven't wanted to worry her she has sooooo many sponcees and with the death and all....aw heck....
....and.... Y'all I really appericate you being here for me (((((Ann,liveweyerd,lovestoomuch,parentrecovers, Meggie,cece,rayofsunshine,Jewelz,ladybuggandeveryo neelse))))) I prolly would have lost it by now if not for your loving and caring words to me...
I have a lot of faith in God. I know I have to stand back from my H and let God work this out. I know he needs to go he knows it too. I am doing the very best I know how to do. In many ways I feel like I am as screwed up as he is otherwise I would not need a suport group because I am involved with him. I know that my issues need a good zapping and that it probably won't get done untill he is no longer living in my space....it is my house I don't feel like I should have to be the one who leaves.
I know my life is way beyound unmanageble and only God can get me out of this mess so i think i will let Him....i got my inventory right here with me and am adding to it I am going to send it to my sponcer and she will most likely send me some feed back tonight. Oh gosh my sponcer doesn't even know what I have been going thru...boy will she be surprized....her mom passed recently and I haven't wanted to worry her she has sooooo many sponcees and with the death and all....aw heck....
....and.... Y'all I really appericate you being here for me (((((Ann,liveweyerd,lovestoomuch,parentrecovers, Meggie,cece,rayofsunshine,Jewelz,ladybuggandeveryo neelse))))) I prolly would have lost it by now if not for your loving and caring words to me...
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am relatively sure my dogs would only attack him if they sensed a threat but I know they pick up on the vibes very quickly they have gotten between him and I several times even when I did not feel any thing myself they have responded as though I was being threatened by him...
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((Splendra)))))))
Sorry I'm late. Gosh dang computers running so slow lately. I just stay off of it, when that happens. I just wanted to add my love and support, sweetie.
Sorry your going through a rough patch.
Praying for you and your ah.
Sorry I'm late. Gosh dang computers running so slow lately. I just stay off of it, when that happens. I just wanted to add my love and support, sweetie.
Sorry your going through a rough patch.
Praying for you and your ah.
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