chero

I hate everything today. I hate my job! I hate my hair! I hate my life! I hate my husband! I hate my ... okay, I stopped at husband.

Do I hate him? Do I love him? UGH! WHO CARES!? No, I hate him! I do! I hate him! I should hate him.

I'm so sick of dealing with my own life and my own stuff and me.
This life is not my fault! It can't be my fault.

UGH! I hate this day......

embraced2000

mama said there'd be days like this......

it's one of those days. make a plan. just push through it.

when i would have days like this, i told myself outloud....well, girl, it's gonna be one of those days....and i would just let myself feel it all. but first i would make a promise to not make any decisions or make any actions that day.

some days, i would just curl up on the couch and watch tv all day and feel real sorry for myself till i got sick of feeling sorry for myself.

other days, i would get physically busy....like cleaning out junk drawers....but i found out that for me, when i did something physical, i would build up a head of steam and would want to go hunt him down and cause a ruckus of some sort.

calls to my fellow al-anonians helped tremendously, too. working in the garden was very therapeutic.

just don't cut or dye your hair today, ok?

justjo

Chero sound like a really bad day. I had a terribly ****** day myself but I came home and made some Ravioli, gave my kids a hug and kiss.

Dont hate him, just accept, accept him for who he is. If it helps write down all the things you hate about him and then write down all the things you love about you. Then say - I win!! hahha

Rella927

(((Chero))))

Honey I'm sorry for your bad day! And the advice above is some good advice-I love what embrace said "Momma said there would be days like this" so true! I'm kind of having week like that!

My method was and is always trying to stay busy! It really works for me.....I believe you do need to create a plan for these days of ours. Whatever will work for you to make you feel better even if it is just taking a gallon of ice cream and sitting on the bed and watching TV all day!

I still love my xab-however this does not mean that I like him or what he has done to me. I do know the part I played in our mess and I accept it, forgive and give it to God. I have always been instilled with from my parents that "hate" is a very strong word-I have removed that from my vocabulary a long time ago because all it means is that I'm angry for something that this person did and that in my eyes that keeps me stuck in my own life-my life is too short and too important to stay stuck anymore!

My momma always said "You can love me but you do not have to LIKE me" I live by that-

((((Hugs)))) Honey do what you need for yourself today to get through! Know we are all thinking of you!

CE Girl

Why? Who, what and where is more important that YOU!!

I hate my hair too.

But, I'm thinking I got to complete the "internal" makeover before I begin the external If I try to do it now, I could end up with "purple" hair,,,he,he,he

Sounds like your minds a racing,,,did something trigger it?

Maybe you need to take a mental "siesta" till one thing at a time comes at ya? I know, when I got a MILLION things going on up there, it gets all jumbled and before you know it, I'm chasing my tail. I'm forced to let it "settle" so it can become more "manageable". Running helps me do that. When was the last time you put that tennis skirt on girl?!?! Yup, I understand the pressures of work and life and your probably saying CE Girl, when do you think I have time to play tennis?!?!?!? MAKE the time!! Noone, and nothing stops me from running!!! I don't care if I gotta strap them sneakers on at 3 am!! Its GOOD for my head,,and I need to have a CLEAR head,,

Forgive me Sista, if I'm coming on a tad strong, but I HATE to see you this "twisted"

Peace

parentrecovers

hugs. some days are just harder than others. blessings, k

SaTiT

Okay...now you're getting somewhere..

it's part of the process chero...don't trip..
you don't have to be perfect.
you can make mistakes
hate all you want...it's been inside of you anyways.
it's just working it's way out..

i don't know..I went through that stage for a couple of
weeks..i didn't judge myself.
just didn't do anything stupid and just let it take it's
course.In other words...I stopped fighting.

okay look at it like this..if a glass was full already,
how can god fill you glass ?

or if you still hold on to the old how can you have new..

it part of the process of releasing negative energy.

there's nothing with you..where all humans
if I'm like that sometimes or was like that a lot
then it's okay...cuz i'm okay.

it just how we were raised...I was never allow to
expresses my emotions..
fear, anger, hate is not a sin...they're human emotions..
so lets not live in denial anymore. i'm JC and I'm not god
I'm a human being.

Just think of it as emptying out the glass process.

that's why when I lived along...i got well.
i allow myself to process those negative emotions
without people around me..telling me i was a bab person
or had head up my butt..

chero

thanks for the advice. i do journal but not pretty things coming out today.

my sister's wedding festivities start tomorrow and AH and I are both in the wedding-which is saturday. i hate the thought of it.

i feel like giving up today. i know it'll pass but i don't really care.

i do like the idea of getting all the anger out, Satit, so God can fill the 'glass'. unfortunately, i just want to lay down and call it quits today and hope it empties out by itself.

i just feel like giving up. no wonder alcoholics relapse. it must be harder for them. i have a new sense of appreciation for those who have recovered.

hopeangel

i'm there with you today. only i use the word "don't like" instead of hate. why am i sugarcoating huh? okay, i guess i hate the disease!!! take it easy on yourself though hon. you do not h@@@ yourself. love yourself, k!!!

it just sounds like you need a little breather. relaxation. DO NOT GIVE UP THOUGH!

oh gosh, the whole wedding thing does sound bad does your family and friends that are going to be there know what is going on with ah? i hope so chero. i would hate to see you have to put on an act and you need the support.

do you think ah will still be in the wedding? thats the hardest part to break. the whole family things together

LaTeeDa

Something that was very hard for me to learn (and still is at times) is that it's okay to feel whatever you feel. And--here's the hard part--you don't have to DO anything about it! That's right, you can just feel what you feel until you don't feel it anymore. What a completely foreign concept that was to me. I had lived my life always needing to react to my feelings. Always needing to DO something to make myself feel better. Or, more accurately, avoid the uncomfortable stuff. It's the uncomfortable stuff that keeps coming back over and over again if you fail to process it. The more you avoid it, the more it builds, and that's how I got to be such a mess. Feelings aren't always meant to result in action. Sometimes they just are what they are.

Here's hoping they pass soon for you, Chero.

L

chero

This is a foreign concept to me. How do you feel what you feel and not react??

I'm sitting here trying to think of an example and I'm stumped. Hmm....

LaTeeDa

For me, processing the feelings is different from reacting to them. Okay, using your OP as an example: You hate him today. Fine, so go ahead and hate him. If I was feeling that way, I would probably journal about it. (I have a journal full of CAPS and UNDERLINES and plenty of !!!!!!!!!!!!!, LOL. I used to fondly call it my "book of anger") Anyway, that would be an example of how I would process the feelings.

Reacting to the feelings would be different. It would be something that, at best, would be avoidance and, at worst, destructive. I could think of any number of things that fall into this category, from keying his car to beating myself up for feeling hate toward someone I once loved, and many other things in between. The point being that reactions are usually unproductive, while processing is actually helpful.

In other words, when I'm processing, I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling in all it's intensity. I'm not denying or avoiding it or putting it off for another time. That allows the emotions to "run their course," so to speak and gets me through them. If I don't do it, they stay there. And they keep coming back again and again, more intense each time.

Does that make any sense?

L

chero

Okay, L, that makes so much sense.

Dealing with emotions is new to me. Usually I just hide out until it passes and never deal in a good way.

That makes so much sense!!