Aducksdelight

I need some help, please. I've been clean and sober for three days and have made two meetings. I am working on myself and on Step One again. I don't have a sponsor yet because I recently switched from going to NA to AA and I just met everyone tonight. I feel that though I know I am making progress by staying clean and reading the book and working on the steps, this is somehow a test that I am going to fail and going to end up back out there. The last time I relapsed, it almost killed me. I have no doubts that if I go out again, it will kill me. So I am not dealing with cravings or anything like that. Just that feeling that I don't have it inside of me to do what's necessary to survive and that I may be doing everything wrong and not even know it.

Is there a right or wrong way to get clean and sober? If I attend meetings, work on steps, stay clean and avoid triggers, do I even stand a chance?

Forgive me if I sound apathetic. I am dealing with a huge amount of depression right now and it makes recovery, especially early recovery, very difficult.

barb dwyer

hey duck -

(note my signature - LOL)

first - breathe.
breathing is a good thing.
(and good for you!)

you're doing the right thing.

the most important thing is an AA cliche' but literal -

go to meetings.
don't drink/use in between.

at your next meeting
(hopefully, you're gonna do the 90 meetings/90 days thing)
maybe go in a little early, and ask about who to speak to about getting a sponsor.

in our group -
we give all newcomers (sometimes even visitors from other cities/states)
a call list.
the list is passed around the room, and all same- gender people sign it for emergencies, or just to hang out with other sober folk.
the list has meeting times, locations on it as well.

if you got on of those, use it.
we're not kidding when we sign the list.
we know how it is.

you're still breathing, right?

*hug*

everything's going to be fine.

ImSkiZZeR

Hey buddy...
Trust me.. I know exactly how you feel. I am in early recover as well and I have found this site to be a very valuable place to check in.
Just stick to your guns and don't give up on what you started. That's what I am doing. Even though there are moments of intense pain and suffering, you can get through this. You will get through this... no matter what. Make sure you reach out as much as you can. I find that people are starting to call me now. Which is nice and it keeps me accountable to myself and this goal of a better life.

Grateful Heart

Hi Duck, you've recieved some excellent advice from Skizzer and Barb. The only thing I might add would be to pray and ask your HP for help and guidance. I know for a fact that my HP is the one keeping me sober right now. I'm 18 days sober; the longest I've been without a drink in over 20 years. I still don't have a sponser either, but I'm leaving that in God's hands too. The main thing for me is just to keep going to meetings and not drink between meetings.

parentrecovers

one day at a time, duck. don't get too far ahead of yourself. blessings, k

Anna

Hi Duck,

I felt overwhelmed when I first stopped drinking too. It seemed like there was so much stuff in my life to deal with (things I had been ignoring) and I wanted to 'fix' the issues from my past. I had to learn to have a lot of patience. I don't think there is a right way or wrong way to get sober. I am not an AA person, but I do know that getting sober involved a lot more than stopping drinking. I had to take a really good look at myself, where I was in my life and where I wanted to be. I had to accept my limitations and learn to not be afraid to reach for things I wanted.

You will get through this, so try to relax and focus on each day.

Rowan

I understand depression - especially in early recovery. Keep trudging forward, no matter how hard it gets. You absolutely DO stand a chance at recovery! Believe in yourself - or if you can't - believe that WE believe in you.
Yes - keep going to meetings - Yes - get a sponsor Yes - avoid triggers (people, places and things) - the intense dark feelings eventually lift - if they don't - please see your doctor.
DON'T GIVE UP. You CAN do this! We are behind you all the way.

Rowan xoxoxx

CarolD

Hugs
You are still de toxing at Day 3.
Give yourself time to heal.

Keep in focus and Yes! you too can recover

Alive

hey i know what depression is..the littlest problem becomes a huge thing..try to remember you are an amazing creature....everytime you forget that, remember i wouldn't lie to you..i believe in you, and you will make it....look at the sky, the plants, you're part of this wonderful world....and there's a place just for you in these "5 continents"

stay strong

Jersey Nonny

Hey, duck...welcome to early recovery! I've heard in AA meetings that SOBER stands for Son Of a Bit_ _ Everything's Real! As Carol pointed out, you're still going through withdrawal, so don't expect to feel "peachy keen" for a little while longer.

It's good to know that, according to Barb's post, the AA meetings are pretty similar whether you're in Montana, California, or New Jersey. That's pretty comforting...to know, no matter where we may go, we aren't unique...just fellow alcoholics looking for a better way.

BTW...I'm in a nursing home with 27+ years of sobriety, and I still miss the comraderie and the feeling of love in the rooms...the next time you make a meeting, PLEASE think of me sitting beside you.

Aducksdelight

Thank you all so much for your help and support! Yur posts literally brought tears to my eyes. I can't thank you all enough. With your help and my own strength plus my HP, I will get through this! four days now and couting!

Jenny

Jules62

Good for you Jenny.I completely understand wondering if you're strong enough to stay sober.If I think of it in terms of 'the rest of my life' it's just overwhelming.So I just focus on today.Today I'm not drinking.Today-no matter what I feel-I can get through it without a drink.It will pass.

Somehow-it helps, rather than focusing on the years to come.I'm early in sobriety too-its a bit of a rollercoaster-but I believe you can get through this.We're here for you!

Rose xox

Rowan

Way to go on 4 days, Jenny. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Hugs.

Surlyredhead

((((Jenny))))

You are not alone..we are here and understand. You are going through a rough time (we all did) the advice above is good...take a deep breath and slow down....most important thing at this point..don't use. Please post often....We are here for you...

Cathy