son's recovery...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Warren, RI
Posts: 1
son's recovery...
Hi, I'm Dreams, and my son is a heroin addict. I've been reading here for a while now, and finally registered.
My son's been an addict since he was in high school. He's now 27, and has been in jail many times. He got out of jail a little while ago. He went on a run, but, sobered up. He's doing really well now. He's got a job and he just got promoted to full time. Here's the problem.
My son is an addict, but, he's also very much codependent. (Like me.) His boss is having financial problems. He gave the electric company a bad check, cuz they were going to shut off the power if he didn't pay over $1,000 in back bills.
Son asked me to buy stuff from the restaurant to help out. That's not too much of a problem, but, it's a pizza place, and I'm trying to loose weight! LOL! Now, here's the real doozey. Son gave his boss a "loan." All the money he's saved to get his liscense back. Right now, I'm driving him to and from work. It's quite a trip! I didn't mind helping him out, believe me. (told ya I was a codie too!) But, now, he doesn't even have the money to pay his fines!
Son says his boss "promised" to pay him back. Yea, and he promised the electric company to pay his bills too!
I'm not saying anything. But, I'm mad! I'm keeping quiet, cuz, he's got to learn, and cuz it's not my business what son does with his money. It's his life and his recovery. But, it *does* impact me, and that's why I'm mad....
Anyway, it's good to be here. I look forward to getting to know you all. Some of you, I feel like I already *do* know! LOL!
Peace
My son's been an addict since he was in high school. He's now 27, and has been in jail many times. He got out of jail a little while ago. He went on a run, but, sobered up. He's doing really well now. He's got a job and he just got promoted to full time. Here's the problem.
My son is an addict, but, he's also very much codependent. (Like me.) His boss is having financial problems. He gave the electric company a bad check, cuz they were going to shut off the power if he didn't pay over $1,000 in back bills.
Son asked me to buy stuff from the restaurant to help out. That's not too much of a problem, but, it's a pizza place, and I'm trying to loose weight! LOL! Now, here's the real doozey. Son gave his boss a "loan." All the money he's saved to get his liscense back. Right now, I'm driving him to and from work. It's quite a trip! I didn't mind helping him out, believe me. (told ya I was a codie too!) But, now, he doesn't even have the money to pay his fines!
Son says his boss "promised" to pay him back. Yea, and he promised the electric company to pay his bills too!
I'm not saying anything. But, I'm mad! I'm keeping quiet, cuz, he's got to learn, and cuz it's not my business what son does with his money. It's his life and his recovery. But, it *does* impact me, and that's why I'm mad....
Anyway, it's good to be here. I look forward to getting to know you all. Some of you, I feel like I already *do* know! LOL!
Peace
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Dreams, welcome. I've heard the saying that look within any addict and you find a codependent, and I tend to believe it. I'm really glad your son is doing well...maybe the two of you could try a Naranon or Alanon meeting together?
I know that you are impacted by his choices, but that too is your choice. You may want to think about adjusting your boundaries given this change...Maybe it's time to tell him he has to make other transportation arrangements. I know you want to be supportive, but I know for me, if I feel resentful I can't truly feel supportive.
I'm glad you posted and hope you keep sharing. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
I know that you are impacted by his choices, but that too is your choice. You may want to think about adjusting your boundaries given this change...Maybe it's time to tell him he has to make other transportation arrangements. I know you want to be supportive, but I know for me, if I feel resentful I can't truly feel supportive.
I'm glad you posted and hope you keep sharing. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Hi Dreams......Welcome, Being on this site has made me less of a codie. I've learned a lot from the moms on here. I've been trying to fix my daughter for a long time. I have learned to let her go and let her live her life the way she chooses. She has noticed the changes in me and she is getting better. She is doing okay for now. I did notice that her relapses are shorter and she gets back on track.
It sounds like you are doing pretty well with the letting go. I have my boundries that I can live with. Everyone does what works for them. A lot of good support here.
Blessings to you and your son...........Lois
It sounds like you are doing pretty well with the letting go. I have my boundries that I can live with. Everyone does what works for them. A lot of good support here.
Blessings to you and your son...........Lois
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hi Dreams, glad you finally posted because you've been livin' this life for at least a decade. Most of that time your son has been lost to drugs or jail. Hopefully Now that he is sober, for how ever long it lasts, you can enjoy his company. It sounds like you're doing a fine job of staying out of his "stuff"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
Just wanted to say hello was glad to read that your son has stopped using. Don't really have any advice about him giving his boss money, but I'm with you I'd be mad too. But at least he's not using an to me just about any thing is better than that. My 21 yr old daughter started using crack when she was 17 or 18 then over a yr ago she started using heroin. She to was in jail but went right back to using when she got out. Right now she is pregnant an I don't think she has used for a couple of months. But she still does really stupid things, she talks like she has a brain, but sure as hell don't act like it.
Anyway reading that your son after all those years is doing good gives me hope. Thanks for posting.
Anyway reading that your son after all those years is doing good gives me hope. Thanks for posting.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Dreams. It sounds like your son has a good heart and yes, it also sounds like there's a bit of codie in him too.
Since he's recently sober maybe he's just groping his way along, trying to do the right thing and not quite experienced enough to know what the right thing is.
He's got lessons to learn in sobriety, but what a wonderful way to learn to live better and accept life on life's terms.
Glad you joined us.
Hugs
Since he's recently sober maybe he's just groping his way along, trying to do the right thing and not quite experienced enough to know what the right thing is.
He's got lessons to learn in sobriety, but what a wonderful way to learn to live better and accept life on life's terms.
Glad you joined us.
Hugs
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