dollydo

The age old question revisited:



SHOULD I STAY OR LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP?

INSTRUCTIONS: Answer the following questions logically and unemotionally.

1. Why am I still in this relationship?

2. If the Addict is in recovery, are they making visible and sufficient progress, or do their actions contradict their words?

3. Does the Addict take more away from the table than he/she brings? If so, do I have compelling reasons to remain with someone who brings so much trouble to my life and my children's life?

4. If I do have compelling reasons to remain, are these reasons truly compelling and relevant, or am I still in denial and refusing to accept "What is"?

5. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I stay in this relationship?

5A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children?s life be like in ten years if I keep them in this relationship?

6. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I leave this relationship?

6A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children?s life be like in ten years if I remove them from this relationship?

7. Whether my decision is to stay or leave, in the future when I am on my deathbed and reviewing my life, will I wish that I had made a different decision?

Now, do the right thing!

CE Girl

1. Not sure that I still am? I'm not "in" but I'm not all the way "out" yet either
2. He says he is, I don't know what his actions say, I don't "see' him or "talk" to him. Ok, ok, ok,,,lol
I talk to him via email. He's not in recovery, though he says he is. His words contratict his words,,lol
3. Yup, he's a "taker" And I have NO reason to have him in my life
4. Still refusing to accept "what is" although, I think I'm close
5. I won't be in the relationship
5A. N/A
6 NORMAL,,I like to think I only have to learn a lesson ONCE
6A N/A
7. This ones EASY. I live my life with no regret. I will have known I did everything I could, think of him fondly and go visits my spirits finally'

At,,,,,

PEACE

Thanks for this (((((DollyDo)))))

leenymclaugh

I've done both -- left my first AH and am still with my 2nd H, who is a self admitted A and goes in and out of recovery more often than I straighten out my cupboards):

1. Why am I still in this relationship?
Answer: I love him and I have learned through Al-Anon that I can, in fact, be happy whether he drinks or not (keeping in mind he IS NOT abusive)

2. If the Addict is in recovery, are they making visible and sufficient progress, or do their actions contradict their words?
Answer: When he's in recovery, he makes very nice progress.

3. Does the Addict take more away from the table than he/she brings? If so, do I have compelling reasons to remain with someone who brings so much trouble to my life and my children's life?

Answer: He brings just as much trouble to my life as I bring to his -- meaning, I suffer from the FAMILY disease of alcoholism and he suffers from the disease itself. Now that I'm aware of this (and have been for the past year) I don't have so much trouble, nor do my kids (also, to note: I have said and will always say that I HAVE DONE MUCH MORE DAMAGE TO MY KIDS THAN HE HAS --he was always able to stay in his happy little alcoholic world while I was running around like a chicken w/it's head cut off).

4. If I do have compelling reasons to remain, are these reasons truly compelling and relevant, or am I still in denial and refusing to accept "What is"?
Answer: The compelling reason I have today, to stay with my husband is that I love him and he is a good, albeit sick, man. He's currently in recovery; for how long? who knows.

5. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I stay in this relationship?

Answer: Recovery or no recovery, tomorrow isn't promised -- let alone 10 years. I stay in TODAY, in the MOMENT and live life to its fullest.

5A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children?s life be like in ten years if I keep them in this relationship?

Answer: Recovery or no recovery, tomorrow isn't promised -- let alone 10 years. I stay in TODAY, in the MOMENT and live life to its fullest.

6. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I leave this relationship?

Answer: Recovery or no recovery, tomorrow isn't promised -- let alone 10 years. I stay in TODAY, in the MOMENT and live life to its fullest.

6A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children?s life be like in ten years if I remove them from this relationship?

Answer: Recovery or no recovery, tomorrow isn't promised -- let alone 10 years. I stay in TODAY, in the MOMENT and live life to its fullest.

7. Whether my decision is to stay or leave, in the future when I am on my deathbed and reviewing my life, will I wish that I had made a different decision?

Answer: I've learned to have no regrets because at one time it was exactly what I wanted -- which, for today, is to enjoy the life that my HP has given me and to enjoy all the miracles around me.

Now, do the right thing!
Answer: Is there a right thing? Who's the decider of what is right? What's right for one may not be right for another.

dollydo

Leeny,

That's the point, do the right thing for you.

aztchr

My problem is knowing what's right and accepting the choice I made.

denny57

At this point I've boiled it down to one question with 2 answers:

Q: Am I living the life I want?

A1: Yes - great keeping doing it!
A2: No - do something about it that doesn't involve asking someone else to change.

Keep it simple works for me now.