Competition Between Martyrs
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Competition Between Martyrs
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, BUT MY son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, BUT MY son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
That just hit me as being so profound. I can be very competitive by nature and I have found that more then one or two people have said to me...Ok you win, rather then compete back with me.
My son did this
Well Oh yah...my brother did this.
Not a good place to keep the focus. No one wins that way.
So what do I do about it? Read and learn from posts like that written above.
Thank you Nite for opening my eyes a little bit more.
My son did this
Well Oh yah...my brother did this.
Not a good place to keep the focus. No one wins that way.
So what do I do about it? Read and learn from posts like that written above.
Thank you Nite for opening my eyes a little bit more.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
Thanks, Passion.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
If you have two broken legs and I have one broken leg - does it mean that my broken leg doesn't hurt?
Not really.
That's how it was explained to me.
Pain is pain - no matter how much it still hurts.
Rita
Not really.
That's how it was explained to me.
Pain is pain - no matter how much it still hurts.
Rita
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I have a big bump on my head. (don't ask LOL) and it HURTS. I can complain all day, and carry on, and tell everyone I know... or I can put ice on it, take some ibuprofen and get on with my day. The bump will still be there, but it won't rule my world.
As I have grown in my recovery, I've found that sharing a BIT of my story can show someone else that I can empathize with their pain, as I have had some too. Then, the recovery needs to kick in. That's the experience part, now it's up to me to share the strength and hope as well.
Thanks for this great thread, Nyte!
~Cats
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
Thanks for this great thread, Nyte!
~Cats
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
OMG I can't stand that one-upmanship crap. Whenever someone starts that with me I just shut up and quit talking. About anything, I mean.
I rarely talk to anyone about my problems.....well except you guys when I was really low!!!
I rarely talk to anyone about my problems.....well except you guys when I was really low!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
