day 18,3rd weekend,still strong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
day 18,3rd weekend,still strong
well, i made it through a party weekend.
i stayed sober. And, i still had a good time downing waters & 7up.
since the alcohol drug isn't working for me anymore, it is easier not
drinking. I don't think that can be said until the alcohol purges out,
which i think it has.
i had a good time though. i laughed and started conversations, stuff
i used to think the alcohol enabled me to do. found out i can take
off the training wheels and converse, just like the adults. wheee!!!
my family parties are warm, in that everyone isn't drinking. drinks are
everywhere, and maybe 3/4ths of the people are drinking. but 1/4 aren't,
and noone makes comments whether i am or not.
actually, since i was aware of how embarrassing i had gotten in the last few years,
i had already started not drinking at parties. i'd just wait to go home and then drink.
like the solitary junkie i had become.
creepy as that is, there is the benefit that now that i'm not drinking, i have
gone into situations where i didn't drink. so each and every situation isn't brand new.
another wierd thing was how i felt this monday morning. the last times i drank (too much) alcohol at family parties, i'd wake up on monday feeling anxious, depressed and self-loathing. and i swore it was the alcohol abuse. but when i woke up this morning, i was anxious, depressed and full of self-loathing. wierd!!
that's not my normal state, so it was wierd.
i wonder if my mind has programmed itself to create those feelings, and it didn't even need the alcohol!! the big benefits to dealing with monday morning and not drinking were (a) my self-loathing wasn't as deep & (b) i was over all those feelings after my 1st coffee.
at lunch today i read 3 more chapters of 'Beyond the Influence'.
I learned
(a) the most common tests to see if a person is alcoholic usually focus on late-stage alcohol signals. it's late in the game then, and tough to quit.
(b) i'm a middle-stage alcoholic. if the data they have is accurate, i would have stayed (or will stay forever??) for another 5-10 years.
(c) and my favorite
People don't drink alcohol because they're grumpy and irritable.
People who drink everyday become physiologically modified, which causes irritability.
The alcoholic then tries to calm the irritability through drug-intake.
But that just perpetuates the cycle.
Another depressing fact for me:
I'm proud to say that i've made it 18 days without a drink.
I'm embarrassed to say that that's the longest single stretch i've gone in 20 years.
wow! that's depressing to write that.
that's depressing to read that.
20 years, and i never made it a whole month without a drug.
little bit too much self-revelation here.
I need something to calm my nerves.
guess i'll head upstairs and.. have some tea.
night folks.
i stayed sober. And, i still had a good time downing waters & 7up.
since the alcohol drug isn't working for me anymore, it is easier not
drinking. I don't think that can be said until the alcohol purges out,
which i think it has.
i had a good time though. i laughed and started conversations, stuff
i used to think the alcohol enabled me to do. found out i can take
off the training wheels and converse, just like the adults. wheee!!!
my family parties are warm, in that everyone isn't drinking. drinks are
everywhere, and maybe 3/4ths of the people are drinking. but 1/4 aren't,
and noone makes comments whether i am or not.
actually, since i was aware of how embarrassing i had gotten in the last few years,
i had already started not drinking at parties. i'd just wait to go home and then drink.
like the solitary junkie i had become.
creepy as that is, there is the benefit that now that i'm not drinking, i have
gone into situations where i didn't drink. so each and every situation isn't brand new.
another wierd thing was how i felt this monday morning. the last times i drank (too much) alcohol at family parties, i'd wake up on monday feeling anxious, depressed and self-loathing. and i swore it was the alcohol abuse. but when i woke up this morning, i was anxious, depressed and full of self-loathing. wierd!!
that's not my normal state, so it was wierd.
i wonder if my mind has programmed itself to create those feelings, and it didn't even need the alcohol!! the big benefits to dealing with monday morning and not drinking were (a) my self-loathing wasn't as deep & (b) i was over all those feelings after my 1st coffee.
at lunch today i read 3 more chapters of 'Beyond the Influence'.
I learned
(a) the most common tests to see if a person is alcoholic usually focus on late-stage alcohol signals. it's late in the game then, and tough to quit.
(b) i'm a middle-stage alcoholic. if the data they have is accurate, i would have stayed (or will stay forever??) for another 5-10 years.
(c) and my favorite
People don't drink alcohol because they're grumpy and irritable.
People who drink everyday become physiologically modified, which causes irritability.
The alcoholic then tries to calm the irritability through drug-intake.
But that just perpetuates the cycle.
Another depressing fact for me:
I'm proud to say that i've made it 18 days without a drink.
I'm embarrassed to say that that's the longest single stretch i've gone in 20 years.
wow! that's depressing to write that.
that's depressing to read that.
20 years, and i never made it a whole month without a drug.
little bit too much self-revelation here.
I need something to calm my nerves.
guess i'll head upstairs and.. have some tea.
night folks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 689
I am very proud of you. Good for you for staying away from that alcohol. It must have been hard.
Not even a week after I got out of drug and alcohol rehab my husband took me to a baseball game where there was alot of drinking going on. I still can't believe he did that. We have to be careful of our surroundings. This disease is extremely powerful.
Congrats on your clean time.
Love,
Liz
Not even a week after I got out of drug and alcohol rehab my husband took me to a baseball game where there was alot of drinking going on. I still can't believe he did that. We have to be careful of our surroundings. This disease is extremely powerful.
Congrats on your clean time.
Love,
Liz
keep it simple
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dublin, Irl
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by AcceptingChange 
another wierd thing was how i felt this monday morning. the last times i drank (too much) alcohol at family parties, i'd wake up on monday feeling anxious, depressed and self-loathing. and i swore it was the alcohol abuse. but when i woke up this morning, i was anxious, depressed and full of self-loathing. wierd!!
that's not my normal state, so it was wierd.
i wonder if my mind has programmed itself to create those feelings, and it didn't even need the alcohol!!
that's not my normal state, so it was wierd.
i wonder if my mind has programmed itself to create those feelings, and it didn't even need the alcohol!!
Just suggesting this in case it's something you hadn't considered.
Congratulations on 18 days. You say it's your longest stretch, so that makes it a special victory. Well done and best of luck.
midnight
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hey...18 days is great!..Especially faced with a situation where it is right in front of you in a social situation.
I say Great job.
I too have just gone the longest time clean in a 20 year addiction.
So yea..That is pretty sad to think in that much time a little 60 days for me for the first time. Unfortunately I relapsed after that but now am back at 31. But that was then and this is now.
Be proud of yourself. You did well.
I say Great job.
I too have just gone the longest time clean in a 20 year addiction.
So yea..That is pretty sad to think in that much time a little 60 days for me for the first time. Unfortunately I relapsed after that but now am back at 31. But that was then and this is now.
Be proud of yourself. You did well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central California
Posts: 246
I could have written your post
Hi AcceptingChange, your drinking career sounds just like mine. I'm now on my 16th day of sobriety and this is the longest I've been sober in 20+ years too. Congrats to you! Keep doing whatever you're doing...it's working! 
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