Preparing for the future
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: AZ
Posts: 57
Preparing for the future
Hello everyone,
As most of you know my son is in treatment. He is going to be coming home June 18th after 90 days. Before he went into treatment he was living with a roommate in CA and working and going to college. He is going to go back to collage in the fall and we have been paying his rent while he's gone so he will have his apartment to go back too. The apartment is close to the collage and his roommate is great so we felt that was the best thing to do.
Before treatment we were also giving him a set amount of money every month since he could only work part time. So now I am trying to do the right thing when he gets back. We live in AZ and he is going to stay here for a week when he returns. Than he and I are going to meet my sister and her son, from Texas, in New York for a weeks vacation. Both my son and I are really looking forward to having that time together.
He will than go back to CA and look for a job. Before I ask my question I would like to make it really clear that he is doing wonderful in treatment. Better than I could have ever imagined.
My husband and I would like to help him financially a bit more while he is looking for a job. Is it ok to help him with that?
There will be no strings attached. We just want him to get off on a good start without any additional pressure. I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you,
DMOM
As most of you know my son is in treatment. He is going to be coming home June 18th after 90 days. Before he went into treatment he was living with a roommate in CA and working and going to college. He is going to go back to collage in the fall and we have been paying his rent while he's gone so he will have his apartment to go back too. The apartment is close to the collage and his roommate is great so we felt that was the best thing to do.
Before treatment we were also giving him a set amount of money every month since he could only work part time. So now I am trying to do the right thing when he gets back. We live in AZ and he is going to stay here for a week when he returns. Than he and I are going to meet my sister and her son, from Texas, in New York for a weeks vacation. Both my son and I are really looking forward to having that time together.
He will than go back to CA and look for a job. Before I ask my question I would like to make it really clear that he is doing wonderful in treatment. Better than I could have ever imagined.
My husband and I would like to help him financially a bit more while he is looking for a job. Is it ok to help him with that?
There will be no strings attached. We just want him to get off on a good start without any additional pressure. I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you,
DMOM
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
****{D MOM}}}
You must be proud of your son, I think its great that he is doing so well.
Let me first say that I don't have any children, so I don't know how I would react to your particular situation. I can only give my opinion.
I don't think its wrong to want to help him financially for a bit while looking for a job but when ever money is available to addict (that I have seen anyway) that is another temptation to go out there and use. I would think the school invironment itself is a big temptation.
Anyway, instead of money and I am sure there are ways a person could get around this, what about gift cards to different stores, phone cards, etc. or paying the bills directly that he uses the money for. Personally, I just wouldn't feel comfortable sending a bunch of money to a newly recovered addict.
Remember, this is only my opinion. You need to do what ever feels right for you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. And again, great news about your son!!
Many hugs,
Debbie
You must be proud of your son, I think its great that he is doing so well.
Let me first say that I don't have any children, so I don't know how I would react to your particular situation. I can only give my opinion.
I don't think its wrong to want to help him financially for a bit while looking for a job but when ever money is available to addict (that I have seen anyway) that is another temptation to go out there and use. I would think the school invironment itself is a big temptation.
Anyway, instead of money and I am sure there are ways a person could get around this, what about gift cards to different stores, phone cards, etc. or paying the bills directly that he uses the money for. Personally, I just wouldn't feel comfortable sending a bunch of money to a newly recovered addict.
Remember, this is only my opinion. You need to do what ever feels right for you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. And again, great news about your son!!
Many hugs,
Debbie
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
HI D Mom,
I'm glad your son is doing well in his treatment.
When I was in college I had an apartment and my parents sent me a set amount of money every month, so of course I don't think there's anything wrong with it!
I do know you're concerned about the money being a trigger, but he will have many triggers in life. As long as he's doing well and staying clean I don't see where helping out is a problem. Of course you might have to reevaluate the situation should things change in any way.
Do what you feel in your heart is right.
Hugs,
JG
I'm glad your son is doing well in his treatment.
When I was in college I had an apartment and my parents sent me a set amount of money every month, so of course I don't think there's anything wrong with it!
I do know you're concerned about the money being a trigger, but he will have many triggers in life. As long as he's doing well and staying clean I don't see where helping out is a problem. Of course you might have to reevaluate the situation should things change in any way.Do what you feel in your heart is right.
Hugs,
JG
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
DMOM
I can see how excited and happy you are and its such a great
feeling,
I couldnt help thinking about "in my day" the 60's. To think that
my Dad would buy me a car or set me up financialy wouldnt even
of been in my thoughts ! we Moms want to do do do ! In my husband and my army days(he was in i only felt like i was) we ate peas once for 3 days before we called home, pride whatever it was, they came through with food and brought a gas card to Maryland to fill our tank. no money just what we needed.
it didnt hurt us and i was on the road to learning about budgets !
Unfortunetly, life is just fell of pressure.
I have helped my daughter and son's at times and not always felt right about it. they never asked but i would think why have the added pressure of worrying about money. Knowing my daughter would probably head for the nearest liquor store needless to say
I would not give her money now, I did just get her a nice shirt but no cash.
whatever you decide with your husband will be right for both of you.
Hugs
liddy
I can see how excited and happy you are and its such a great
feeling,
I couldnt help thinking about "in my day" the 60's. To think that
my Dad would buy me a car or set me up financialy wouldnt even
of been in my thoughts ! we Moms want to do do do ! In my husband and my army days(he was in i only felt like i was) we ate peas once for 3 days before we called home, pride whatever it was, they came through with food and brought a gas card to Maryland to fill our tank. no money just what we needed.
it didnt hurt us and i was on the road to learning about budgets !
Unfortunetly, life is just fell of pressure.
I have helped my daughter and son's at times and not always felt right about it. they never asked but i would think why have the added pressure of worrying about money. Knowing my daughter would probably head for the nearest liquor store needless to say
I would not give her money now, I did just get her a nice shirt but no cash.
whatever you decide with your husband will be right for both of you.
Hugs
liddy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: AZ
Posts: 57
Thank you all so much for your replies.
Liddy, I know what you mean about not getting money from your parents. When I turned 18 my parents showed me the door. No money for college, rent anything! I guess I wanted to be a better parent. lol
Debbie, I appreciate the advice. I could just send his landlord a rent check every month.
JG, That was good advice about maybe having to reevaluate the situation as we go along.
I guess you all noticed that I am very proud of my son. I just pray that he remembers everything he is learning once he's back at home and in school.
As for me I have learned so much from all of you. It's as if this happening to my son was the best thing for me.
DMOM
Liddy, I know what you mean about not getting money from your parents. When I turned 18 my parents showed me the door. No money for college, rent anything! I guess I wanted to be a better parent. lol
Debbie, I appreciate the advice. I could just send his landlord a rent check every month.
JG, That was good advice about maybe having to reevaluate the situation as we go along.
I guess you all noticed that I am very proud of my son. I just pray that he remembers everything he is learning once he's back at home and in school.
As for me I have learned so much from all of you. It's as if this happening to my son was the best thing for me.
DMOM
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