Time for an update?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Time for an update?
Well it's been 4 month's since I packed up and left AH with our 5 year old Son. How have I been? What's been going on? With me?............... Well, I'm back in school, upgrading Highschool. My average is 75%.. (yessssss) I have made a few friends and loving it. I only go 2 times a week in the evening, and my Mother looks after my little guy..
My Mom is amazing with the transition of myself and Grandson living in her home..accually keeping her distance from me and her business out of ming (Fewf)
And AH and I are talking, everyday.. I am there for his recovery, but I am not there for him and I. When he talks about the "future" between us, I let him go. I have learned a few things being seperated... I learned that "him and I" are not fixable right now. I am not ready to build a relationship with him again. There are many day's I look at him and shake my head and think "what did I do?" I think this has to do with his recovery. He still has many flaw's and I truly do not believe he has been clean for 4 month's. I know his lies better than him.
I have learn't that know one else know's what is best for myself and my Son but (((ME)))
I have finnally felt pain again... you know the aching pain you get in your chest that burns up and feels like your being stabbed.... and then I burst out and cry. I "let" my self cry again, and it feels sooooo good when I let it out. I never cried when i was with AH. I was too busy being the "Big Guy" fixing thing's all the time and watched him do all the crying.
I have learn't that my recovery is a going to be a long road, and I have no idea what will be in store for AH and I, but that's o.k for me. I let go of "needing to know what will happen"
I have learn't that my Son is o.k with the transititon. I was so scared of leaving and worring about my Son and how he would react. He is doing amazing. I love him so much.
That's my update.... for today..
Have a wonderful week everyone... I'm thinking about all of you.
My Mom is amazing with the transition of myself and Grandson living in her home..accually keeping her distance from me and her business out of ming (Fewf)
And AH and I are talking, everyday.. I am there for his recovery, but I am not there for him and I. When he talks about the "future" between us, I let him go. I have learned a few things being seperated... I learned that "him and I" are not fixable right now. I am not ready to build a relationship with him again. There are many day's I look at him and shake my head and think "what did I do?" I think this has to do with his recovery. He still has many flaw's and I truly do not believe he has been clean for 4 month's. I know his lies better than him.
I have learn't that know one else know's what is best for myself and my Son but (((ME)))
I have finnally felt pain again... you know the aching pain you get in your chest that burns up and feels like your being stabbed.... and then I burst out and cry. I "let" my self cry again, and it feels sooooo good when I let it out. I never cried when i was with AH. I was too busy being the "Big Guy" fixing thing's all the time and watched him do all the crying.
I have learn't that my recovery is a going to be a long road, and I have no idea what will be in store for AH and I, but that's o.k for me. I let go of "needing to know what will happen"
I have learn't that my Son is o.k with the transititon. I was so scared of leaving and worring about my Son and how he would react. He is doing amazing. I love him so much.
That's my update.... for today..
Have a wonderful week everyone... I'm thinking about all of you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Mavis, girl, you are shining so brightly.
You sound at peace. I know there are moments of pain still...I know that there are probably more ups and downs than you'd like at times...but you've come SO FAR. Yu inspired me today. Your decision to stay in 'today' is awesome.
I remember that I worried ssooo much about how my moving out would effect our son (who was 5..almost 6 at the time I left). My son was the main reason I didn't leave sooner. And yet, here we are...a little over 2 years later, and my son is absolutely THRIVING. A mom and a dad don't make a home...LOVE makes a home and my son is surrounded by it. Isn't it amazing how adaptable they are? In some ways, I think he's adapted far better than I have.
Give your sweet little boy a hug for me, okay? And give yourself a big old pat on the back. You deserve it. Your strength is shining and your little boy is one lucky little guy.
You sound at peace. I know there are moments of pain still...I know that there are probably more ups and downs than you'd like at times...but you've come SO FAR. Yu inspired me today. Your decision to stay in 'today' is awesome.
I remember that I worried ssooo much about how my moving out would effect our son (who was 5..almost 6 at the time I left). My son was the main reason I didn't leave sooner. And yet, here we are...a little over 2 years later, and my son is absolutely THRIVING. A mom and a dad don't make a home...LOVE makes a home and my son is surrounded by it. Isn't it amazing how adaptable they are? In some ways, I think he's adapted far better than I have.
Give your sweet little boy a hug for me, okay? And give yourself a big old pat on the back. You deserve it. Your strength is shining and your little boy is one lucky little guy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
(((mavis)))) you sound so good in your recovery.you sound happy.you sound like you are living in today, one day at a time. you sound as if you are getting stronger everyday.you are ok, you are better than ok.prayers, hope
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