thiskidknows

I am trying to speak and deal with my drink and drugs problem it just i don't know where to start, I know this sounds silly but I've never been able to communicate with someone face to face, I joined an online AA meeting but even there i don't feel I fit in, everyone knows each other, and seems to know what's happening and yet I don't and i feel bad because I'm not sober, because I'm a drunk, because i don't have control. i self medicate, I take drugs and I drink.

AA won't help as ur not allowed to talk about drink or drugs that's wot I was told when I entered the online chat room..u mustn't talk about ur problems, ur struggles and u must never mix AA or NA because others have they own problems..so i tried to get support and was pushed away. So now I don't know how AA can help, I don't know where I can go, and I don't know what to do, i feel more confused then ever. Im sorry. Apart from here, everywhere I go I seem to hit a brick wall. i'm fed up with it, I'm tierd of having to fight everyone, everywhere. I'm too tierd. I can't do this anymore. I've given up, i've shut down I guess I no longer care. Its not meant to be...some people can be saved some people are left in the gutter to rot and I'm one of those.

best

The same 12 steps are used in both AA and NA.
If AA is all you can find, in your own thoughts you can replace the word alcohol with drug of choice and you will find that the same rules apply. Yes NA will give you a more focused support and they do accept alcohol as a drug that can be talked about but if NA isn't available...AA will need do. It can be done if you want to do it.

Aysha

There are also other alternatives as well.
If you would like you can check out the secular connection forum just below this one.
I believe everyone needs to find what is comfortable with them and what they see works.
Explore all your options.
Not to step on anyones toes..But there are programs that dont follow the 12 steps.
But if 12 step is what helps you than find other 12 step programs that will better suit you.

sonas

Hi LC,

I was hooked on dope for a few years as well as the alcohol. I gradually got away from the dope. I began by cutting down. It was difficult to stop altogether and in the end circumstances helped because I moved to a new area and didn't hang with the same crowd.

Alcohol has proven more of a challenge.
But again I'm finding that by not meeting with or socialising with drinkers I am removing one of my incentives to drink. That might sound a bit extreme, but you do what you have to do.
May get back in touch with people again in a couple of years or whenever if and when I'm strong enough to say no.
But I'll meet new people in AA and hopefully make new friends soon.

The decision to quit has to be fairly life-changing, that's something I've learned. It's not just about not doing this or that. It's about opening your mind up to new possibilities and getting up off your ass and saying "I'm ready" and then just thinking of yourself as a different person than "the old you".

I can relate to how you're feeling now though.

Have you looked up your local yellow pages for the AA helpline?
For me that was my first starting point, and they were always more than helpful and willing to listen.
I haven't tried the online meetings that you mention and they sound like a good alternative to the real thing for people who are already AA members. Not for the beginner though I'd say..

And bear in mind that alcohol is a depressant, so don't be surprised that you're feeling so down, "a failure" etc. Because that is how the alcohol wants you feel!!!!

SaTiT

There's plenty of drugs mention in the AA big book..
actaully it discribe an alki to the key..a hardcord alki
like me takes drugs becuase it's part of the progression.

i don't know who told you you can't talk about drugs
in an AA meeting..actaully I'm of those poeple that gose
into AA and talk about drugs in an AA meeting just to
rub is the faces of members that say I can't talk about this
or that or mention drugs...in AA...becuase some people
don't read the book ...yeah it's even mention the first
154 pages.

everything pretains to alcohol to me becuase I was getting
drunk or high 24/7..so everything reminded me or triggers
thought of me wanting to get drunk or high or any combination
of it.
I had a problem with it when I was a newbie..
so I read the book instead of taking people's word for it.
because other oldtimers will show up to the meetings
and tell those other members to work their program..straight up.
that's the flavor of AA I was taught. And AA is about goodwill
it's the foundation of the program.
"let the hand of AA be there for any alki seeking help"
i always thought it was something to live by..not just talked
about or thought about...
since it's a program of living and actions.
The reason i hung out in AA was because it had to shown to me.
You couldn't preach it to me or talk it to me..
The oldtimers showed it to me. Thier actions spoke louder
than words.

I was sick and tire of people telling me.
"do as I say but not do as i do"...my alki father dose that to me.
it had to be different..it had to be different.
if nothing changes..nothing changes.


The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
drinking. I wasn't sober when I first went to AA.
i struggle with it. The oldtimers told me to keep coming
back no matter what...they didn't preach it to me.
i went back no matter what..drunk or high.

the longer I hung out in AA..the more I here people talking
about drugs or about anything that'll keep them sober
just for today.

NA was small in my area when i got clean and sober.
The reason my grandsponsor told me to go to NA so
I was young and thought i could hang out with people
of my age and do fellowshiping and make friends to expand
on my recovery...it's bascially the same program..
My sponsor is the founder of NA in my area..
well you know about my grandsponsor he gose to AA.

i could had freaken OD waiting until tusday night for an NA meeting to attend.

Well i went to any length to get clean and sober, even if it
ment I had to go to AA and hear people say I can't.

Dee74

sorry you had a bad AA experience LC... it's not your fault tho. Unfortunately meetings are only as good as those who are in them. Sometimes I guess you get one that's not a good fit.
Maybe check out some of the other things people have suggested here ?

and c'mon: we both know there's much more to you...you don't deserve to rot in a gutter !

D