hopeangel

well, after a month of holding strong to my boundaries he says he is done drinking. over the last month i've been able to stay strong to my boundaries and not go running to him even in moments of weakness, mainly because he has been consistantly giving me reasons to stay detached from him with his not changing behavior.
i have not at all held back in telling him how i feel. i have held no punches. it has been harsh and cold at times, but it is what has been needed to be done.
so, i left all day yesterday and just said i was leaving. i stayed away all day and came home to him crying. he said he was tired of living like this and what does he need to do? of course, as always, i said you need to quit drinking. he said that's it?
well, he had told me before that he was only going to drink one day a week and that was the compromise -he would not quit. of course, i was not falling for that one. i told him it was all or nothing!
so friday night he left for band practice came home drunk, peed the box springs in the other room - the mattress was already taken out because of this problem. he missed work on saturday. he was drinking and driving. last night came home drunk. i told him so much for the once a week and proceeded to tell him he was nothing but a liar. he peed on the floor last night and spilled beer everywhere. he had already informed my last night, as he was drinking, that it was his last night drinking. of course, i did not respond to that one.
so, this morning i told him he was going to have to leave the house. i don't care whos name is on the deed. he is disrepecting the house, my investment and property, and trashing it and he has no right. he told me again he was done drinking. i did not respond to that one either.
he is still upstairs in bed not wanting to face the day.
needless to say, i am going to remain tough. he is going to have to prove himself to me. i am going to continue preparing to leave.

ARealLady

Thanks, thanks, thanks for posting this, hopeangel. What you describe in your life and the violation of your home and your space by your A serve to remind me of my own boundaries in dealing with my ABF.

And "drinking one day a week"? I heard "controlled drinking" from ABF on Friday evening. Every excuse to keep drinking.

Stay strong, hope....you are not alone.

ARL

hopeangel

your welcome hon! i am so glad you are setting boundaries before marriage and i am so glad you found this site. things would have been very different for me if i had known all that i know now before i got married.
if you go back and read some of my past post i'm sure they will be eye opening for you as well as many others here's posts who have married into alcoholism.
make smart informed decisions before you choose to get married.

BigGirlPanties

watch the actions, not the words.

Saying quitting is not quiting. Going to AA is quitting.

Actions speak louder than words. Hope it works out.

chero

Way to go, Hope, with the boundaries!

BGP, you are right...it's not what you say, it's what you do. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

parentrecovers

getting sober is the easy part - staying sober takes a lot of action.

i'm glad he's done.

blessings, k

an'ka

In my opinion, anybody who is still trying to reserve one "special" night for drinking or trying to drink as much as possible for the "last time" is not ready for recovery.

He peed the mattress, the boxsprings, the floor--oh, my goodness!! How and why do you deal with this madness?

minnie

And that is how it should be. In fact, that is how the rest of the world works. If I say to my boss I am going to do something and I don't, he's going to pull me up for it, yes? And if I keep promising, but not delivering, then I will eventually be out of a job. And rightly so.

I have worked in a sale-type environment before and remember a lesson I was taught right at the beginning - under-promise and over-deliver. So many people, not just problem drinkers, seem to have got this arse about face.

hopeangel

he is back to drinking - right now he is outside passed out in the bed of his truck. this is the first time he has slept outside "in the elements" -the first time i have left him outside. he will be alright won't he?

dobiediva

well that didn't last long did it. Its a gorgeous night out there tonight. He'll be fine. Reminds me of camping weather.

hopeangel

thanks dobie - made me laugh and smile - and yes, it is above freezing so i think he will be alright - it is a nice night -although i'm really hoping for rain mosquitos might get him though!

hey, i think your supposed to be able to see the space shuttle tonight in the sky arn't you???????

sb0804

Hope, I am with you and I know how you feel. Letting my wife sleep on the lawn one night was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Probably because I have always been there to assist.

Your post has helped me stick to my boundaries tonight and Minnie great post on having to prove themselves.

dobiediva

That was Tuesday night. I didn't get to see it (I didn't find out til about 5 minutes after it happened) but I heard it was really cool. Supposedly the space station looked like a bright light that people described as looking like a shooting star that didn't go out or move as fast. Then a flash, then a little light following and then moving away. (It was the space shuttle detaching from the space station). I always miss the cool stuff! But where I live we see LOTS of shooting stars. I love when the meteor showers come. We sit on the deck and watch. Nice big open sky here.

So did hubs survive his night "in the wild" or did he stagger in sometime overnight?

hopeangel

i bet it was really neet.

i couldn't tell you what time he came in cause i went to bed. i think it was sometime this morning though cause the house was still in order (except for the beer he spilled all over the carpet and wall last night! it got on his precious bass amp too though, so maybe that will show him. needless to say he is going to be paying to get the carpet cleaned. - he was a little late leaving for work this morning.

would it be too cruel to take a six pack of beer and just dump it all over his band equiptment? someone give me permission! please....

parentrecovers

can't give you permission to do that, hopeangel. but i do send encouragement that you get to some alanon meetings...

blessings, k

CE Girl

I would NEVER give tell you to do that!!!!! I didn't need permission to dump a 15th of vodka on my A,,,he,he,he,,,But I did enjoy watching him sputter it out his mouth and blink his eyes cause it was stinging the crap outta them,,,

Not one of my "finer" moments,,,

((((((Hope))))) and good for you for letting him suffer the "consequences"

Peace

dobiediva

If I could get the smileys to work I'd be laughing my butt off at that one! I think urine would work better tho'! Whoops! Did I say that out loud?!

Pick-a-name

...maybe what he's doing out there...

dobiediva

LOL

minnie

((((hope))))

Heck, I've had to sleep in the car on the drive before now because of a mix up over keys. I wasn't even drunk! Yes, it was summer, but believe me, in England the nights aren't often warm. I didn't complain, tho, because it was entirely within my capabilities to remember to take a key with me, but I didn't. I was living at home at the time, and my parents just laughed when they knocked on the window to wake me up the next morning when they came home from their trip. I haven't left the house since without doing the "keys, wallet, fags, phone" ritual. Actually, I have, because I don't smoke anymore, but you get my point. My responsibility. No-one elses.

No need for revenge. Just follow through on your plans. Thjat's your responsibility, right?