2muchlove

Been a while since I have been here....

My AH snuck into my house last night, to teach me a lesson that if I don't keep my doors locked or my windows closed and locked up tight that someone could just sneak up on me. needless to say he scared the crap out of me.

What I need to be hit up side the head for though is the fact that I have slowly let him back into my life. He has been clean of his DOC Meth for 3 weeks now, and he has even been pretty clean from his other DOC, pot, not completely clean but better then normal.

SO the person that I am: I have been suffering silently again, because I have seen the side of him I love so very much come back out. I have seen the sweet man I fell in love with.

The man that calls me to remind me how much he loves me, the man that quietly whispers only things him and I would know in my ear.

So STUPID me I start to believe he will change and that THIS TIME will be / is differant because I stuck to my boundries, and I kicked his ass out, and detatched with love, ect....

But here last night he sneeks into my house to teach me a lesson about saftey and he is stoned off his ass, and even though I am trying really hard not to be suprised, becasue I know that this exactly is what addicts do, I am surprised.
I am sad and I am getting very angry. VERY ANGRY.

I DO NOT want to lose my cool with him on fathers day. I want my kids to be able to enjoy their Dad.

I have prayed and prayed to my HP.

I want to write him a note and have him read it when he leaves here, and when he isn't high or stoned or whatever......

I don't know...

Thanks for letting me cry and vent..


Love,
Jen

frankly

((2muchlove))

Hugs and Prayers. I understand letting him have today, the kids deserve this day. But tomorrow, I think I would string his butt up and beat some sense into him. Teach him a lesson in assault. Just kidding, but that was my first thought.

B

Live

That is very terrifying! It is horrid to live in fear in your own home.

Maybe you need a restraining order!

Mavis

Don't loose your cool today Jen, not today, not tomorrow... You are strong and this is another flag for you. Your HP is telling you something (this is a good thing) Your AH is not ready yet and neither are you. 3 weeks is premature and you still have alot of discovery to do. (you knew that) You seen who you fell in love with and you wanted him back at the snap of your finger's and live life the way it should have been.... (I know I'm there right now..) But that's just not the way it goes I guess. ( you knew that too )

SO I'm sending you my super strength, some good strong cup of coffee and lot's of hugs. Enjoy the day, because it's your day too! There will be more day's of him clean... just not now... he's not today..

havehope

Jen
I think it is perfectly normal for us to be sad and angry. I'm sorry you are going through this. We sometimes do let our expectations take over of what we would like to have happen with our addicts. Then we get let down. I am still hopeful and prayerful for my addict, but I expect very little from her these days. Then I am not as disappointed.
You have set your boundries and stuck to them. Give yourself a break, you are human and have feelings. Take care of yourself and your children. Sending hugs your way.
Terri

2muchlove

frankly, I had to LOL, because that is exactly what I want to do! Teach him a lesson in assult. lol no for today I will give my children a good fathersday, but tommorrow.... well... ya never know.

I am scared, it scared me that he could get in as quietly and as sneaky as he did. I came wa lking out of my bedroom and he was hiding in my living room. Scared me to death...

I don't know about a restraining order, but it is something to consider.

thanks

CatsPajamas

After I had a little recovery time, I left the house for the entire day on Father's Day. He and his children could spend the day together - or not - and I was no longer the fixer and referree between them. I let the kids learn all about their dad and what kind of man/father he was without my help... and they made their own discoveries and determinations.

Today, many years later, their relationship is different than how I had scripted it..but it is what it is.

Hugs

Cats

PS I think it was fairly sh*tty of your AH to scare you like that. I'd come up and kick him in the shins for you if you want me to.

Live

In my past I had things like that happen all too often.

It usually escalates.

I did not feel safe ever in my own home. I put out motion detector lights, pop cans in the yard covered with leaves...anything I could think of to alert me to an unknown presence on my property. None of that worked. I would not sit in a certain chair because I knew it was a perfect target from the road.

I should have phoned the police. But even that wouldn't have stopped him.

Please be wary!

2muchlove

I am taking heed. Thank you! I am taking today as today, and tommorrow, I will take what I need to be safe. again thank you!

Cats: Yes come and kick him in the shins.! And maybe today I go to church with-out the kids and maybe I take sometime fdor myself and my kids can base their own opinion on their father..

Thank you!

splendra

Maybe Get a good watch dog at least it would bark if he comes up. If you have a dog that knows him already they still might let you know by wagging their tail or something...

hope213

an addict know ever creep in the floor.i have heard this from too many people. i know it scared the heck out of you. today may be fathers day but i agree,it is your day too.everyday is our day when we learn to take care of ourselves first.stay safe.sending hugs & prayers, hope