Hit a Wall Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 157
Hit a Wall Today
Wow, today I hit a wall. My ABF is close to 120 days sober, has not been to a meeting in three weeks, and has been pissy as ever.
He constantly criticizes and picks at everything I do. I clean the house, pay most of the bills, etc. Today, I had enough and I had to ask myself "what the hell am I doing," and I told him that.
He told me he felt "alone" and I wasn't supporting him enough. I have financially, emotionally, etc. supported him for a close to a year. He sees me getting healthier, standing my ground, etc.
I told him I felt like our relationship had no future, he said he can't make promises, and I told him neither can I. I want more out of life than this rollercoaster.
Have you guys ever felt like this? Does it get better? Do you move on? Sometimes I just hate the guy.
He constantly criticizes and picks at everything I do. I clean the house, pay most of the bills, etc. Today, I had enough and I had to ask myself "what the hell am I doing," and I told him that.
He told me he felt "alone" and I wasn't supporting him enough. I have financially, emotionally, etc. supported him for a close to a year. He sees me getting healthier, standing my ground, etc.
I told him I felt like our relationship had no future, he said he can't make promises, and I told him neither can I. I want more out of life than this rollercoaster.
Have you guys ever felt like this? Does it get better? Do you move on? Sometimes I just hate the guy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Every single time AH stopped going to meetings he was back to drinking within a couple of days. I wasn't able to stop the ride and get off until I stopped hating him. And let me tell you, I got to the point that I was so sick and tired of his b.s. that I was going to off him just to get him to shut up!
Now he just stays drunk most of the time he's home. However, having seen him sober, I don't care for him in that condition either. He's polite, but exudes about much warmth as a toilet seat. I suppose his behavior is due to not working a program, so the rare instances when he's sober, I attribute his isolating himself and treating me indifferently to pulling a dry drunk.
When we get completely sick and tired of being sick and tired, we change our circumstances. I'm at peace with my decision to change mine, but I had to get to a place where I found I was quite happy living my own life and leaving him to his bottle.
Does it get better? I don't think it does if they continue drinking, given the nature of the disease being progressive.
Do you move on? That's entirely up to the individual. I personally have laid a solid foundation for moving on, including going home to Maryland for 2.5 weeks in August. I'll be looking at employment opportunities and reconnecting with my family and friends.
Now he just stays drunk most of the time he's home. However, having seen him sober, I don't care for him in that condition either. He's polite, but exudes about much warmth as a toilet seat. I suppose his behavior is due to not working a program, so the rare instances when he's sober, I attribute his isolating himself and treating me indifferently to pulling a dry drunk.
When we get completely sick and tired of being sick and tired, we change our circumstances. I'm at peace with my decision to change mine, but I had to get to a place where I found I was quite happy living my own life and leaving him to his bottle.
Does it get better? I don't think it does if they continue drinking, given the nature of the disease being progressive.
Do you move on? That's entirely up to the individual. I personally have laid a solid foundation for moving on, including going home to Maryland for 2.5 weeks in August. I'll be looking at employment opportunities and reconnecting with my family and friends.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Does it get better? The real question is better for whom? You or him?
It sounds like he is one step away from drinking again. But that can't be your problem. It's his.
You should be concerned with YOU. For you things can get better no matter if you stay or go.
Instead of asking should you move on, ask yourself why you don't. What keeps you there?
I always stayed because I thought, this time would be THE time he finally stopped drinking. I mean, wouldn't be my luck I'd leave and he'd quit drinking.
But what I realized, after stepping away for awhile, is that what I was really waiting on was me to decide that I'd had enough and my life was mine to change and mine to do with what I wanted. Stay, go or return nothing can change that for me now.
It sounds like he is one step away from drinking again. But that can't be your problem. It's his.
You should be concerned with YOU. For you things can get better no matter if you stay or go.
Instead of asking should you move on, ask yourself why you don't. What keeps you there?
I always stayed because I thought, this time would be THE time he finally stopped drinking. I mean, wouldn't be my luck I'd leave and he'd quit drinking.
But what I realized, after stepping away for awhile, is that what I was really waiting on was me to decide that I'd had enough and my life was mine to change and mine to do with what I wanted. Stay, go or return nothing can change that for me now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 157
I just wished he would move out sometimes...I am so tired of this nonsense. Or his "truth", when he puts me down, he says he is only speaking the truth. I said your truth as you see it...it doesn't make it gospel. I am going to go to a meeting and do lots of praying. Hopefully I will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Learning about projection really helped me to not take criticism to heart so much. I spent far too long being told I was X, Y and Z, yet I didn't recognise those traits in me at all. Then I started to realise that all the things he accused me of being and doing were in fact things that HE was doing - what a lightbulb moment!!
I didn't leave because of his drinking, although it was a drinking session that forced my hand. I left because of his behaviour. I just ran out of chances to give. I finally let go of the dream.
I didn't leave because of his drinking, although it was a drinking session that forced my hand. I left because of his behaviour. I just ran out of chances to give. I finally let go of the dream.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
And let me guess, if you have the nerve to get offended over his insults, he says "the truth hurts". That's an old favorite of the abuser.
Originally Posted by venusinlibra 
I just wished he would move out sometimes...I am so tired of this nonsense. Or his "truth", when he puts me down, he says he is only speaking the truth. I said your truth as you see it...it doesn't make it gospel. I am going to go to a meeting and do lots of praying. Hopefully I will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by WantsOut
And let me guess, if you have the nerve to get offended over his insults, he says "the truth hurts". That's an old favorite of the abuser.
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