BeautiGirl

I have been on this blog for a couple of years. However my main in the past was my Addict Husband. Today, I am happy to say, am divorced and no longer have that in my life anymore. However...life has thrown me another A only it is alcohol this time, not a substance.

My BF..who helped me through my divorce and helped me move out and start again on my own has drawn me into a different kind of codependence. I have seen her spiral out. Everytime we have cocktails she gets soooo drunk, she loses her balance, slurs and becomes major manipulative. Last Aug she was charged with a DUI (in which I begged her not to get in her car and let me drive..but she insisted she was ok)...she has community service to complete, has to go to AA meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps. This is all part of her punishment. HOWEVER..she is doing this along still drinking. She is not getting it. She admits to other people that she might be a Addict but is ashamed to admit it to me. She tells people that she doesn't want me to know. I have told her time and time again, I love her no matter what. Her self esteem is low, she is controlling (she acts like my boyfriend). She doesn't want me to have other friends except her..she manipulates me and is extremely passive aggressive. She gets angry with me over stuff that happens weeks or months prior. She drives me nuts..I have told her all of this. I also tell her it is the alcohol that is making it worse.

She has a huge heart...and is the most giving person, but is turning into a control freak needing to know my every move of every minute of the day. Yet, she can do whatever she wants. I feel trapped.

Any advise?

BeautiGirl

prodigal

I can understand your wanting to stand by her and remain loyal since she is a dear friend. Underneath her addiction is a decent person. However, you say she is manipulative and you feel trapped. People can only manipulate us if we allow it. Your probably feeling guilty about cutting ties with her, but she's driving you nuts. There is no reason for you to be dealing with a manipulative control freak. Your not doing yourself any good. And, more importantly, you are not doing her any good.

"She's not getting it." You cannot make her, or help her, to "get it." As much as it hurts, I'd suggest you detach from her for the time being and leave her to sink or swim. I'd strongly suggest you get to an Al-anon meeting and give it a try. We all want to stand by our friends and help them when they're in need. However, you're dealing with an addict here who is doing whatever she can to keep you in the role of enabler. That is not a healthy place for you to be. I think it's time for you to take care of you and practice tough love with her.

Pick-a-name

Hi, glad you are here again. Hope you stick around; there is lots of good informationa and can help you make the hard choices in your life.

As for advice about your friend....I can't make that decision for you but I will say; I see enough red flags waving to start a parade. JMHO

parentrecovers

have you tried alanon meetings? they really help me. blessings, k