Emotional Dialogs ~ Will it ever stop...
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle, wa
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Emotional Dialogs ~ Will it ever stop...
On the way home from work tonight I found myself thinking of the exAbf. I was realizing that so many of the problems we had were revealing that the alcohol was just a symptom of many onther deeper issues.
I began to feel soo sad for him. Because I know he has a good heart but the things that have happened to him he cannot cope with and uses alcohol to supress those issues. And the alcohol in its self causes so many mistakes to be so easily made by him.
I do not want to repaint the situation, nor do I want him back. But I hate to see any hurt. And just beginning to see that the alcohol was just a sympton of things I knew of but didnt want to acknowledge myself when he told me. I couldnt help him, I didnt have the tools.
But, I was/is codie and got lost in the mess. My hearts breaks because he is lost in this world and I cannot nor will I do anything anymore about it.
I have to in all my brokenness turn him over to god. And pray for the best.
....man I wish this would all just stop and I could on, not care so much anylonger. I keep moving farther away from our past but I still find myself loving him. I would not ever want him back in my life but I also wish he could find the strenght to find his inner healing. A wasted life is sad anyway you look at it.
I began to feel soo sad for him. Because I know he has a good heart but the things that have happened to him he cannot cope with and uses alcohol to supress those issues. And the alcohol in its self causes so many mistakes to be so easily made by him.
I do not want to repaint the situation, nor do I want him back. But I hate to see any hurt. And just beginning to see that the alcohol was just a sympton of things I knew of but didnt want to acknowledge myself when he told me. I couldnt help him, I didnt have the tools.
But, I was/is codie and got lost in the mess. My hearts breaks because he is lost in this world and I cannot nor will I do anything anymore about it.
I have to in all my brokenness turn him over to god. And pray for the best.
....man I wish this would all just stop and I could on, not care so much anylonger. I keep moving farther away from our past but I still find myself loving him. I would not ever want him back in my life but I also wish he could find the strenght to find his inner healing. A wasted life is sad anyway you look at it.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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i truthfully don't know if it will ever stop, but i hope so!
it was when i started to feel sad for my ex, instead of angry, that i found that i could forgive her. sure, lots of things happened that i'll never forget, and those things will effect me in every relationship i'm ever in, but i came to a point of understanding, i guess you could say. i don't use her alcoholism as an excuse, but i feel such a sense of sadness that she has to deal with this hand she was dealt... and i'm not sure she knows how.
you're right, we don't have the tools to help. it's so, so sad, and i wish there was something we could do. if only love was all you need.
it was when i started to feel sad for my ex, instead of angry, that i found that i could forgive her. sure, lots of things happened that i'll never forget, and those things will effect me in every relationship i'm ever in, but i came to a point of understanding, i guess you could say. i don't use her alcoholism as an excuse, but i feel such a sense of sadness that she has to deal with this hand she was dealt... and i'm not sure she knows how.
you're right, we don't have the tools to help. it's so, so sad, and i wish there was something we could do. if only love was all you need.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
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I Love reading posts of people who have blazed the path of what is in front of me,,,
It sounds to me, another "level" in the journey is to be sad and detached.
I'll settle for that if it means not being so angry anymore. Although, I DO notice the "baby steps" now and am not as much in a rage anymore. I guess thats progress.
Maybe its just another Level sthrnraizd? not that you'll ever forget what your expereince was, but maybe it's a step that needs to be taken to further your healing?
Peace
It sounds to me, another "level" in the journey is to be sad and detached.
I'll settle for that if it means not being so angry anymore. Although, I DO notice the "baby steps" now and am not as much in a rage anymore. I guess thats progress.
Maybe its just another Level sthrnraizd? not that you'll ever forget what your expereince was, but maybe it's a step that needs to be taken to further your healing?
Peace
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Originally Posted by sthrnraizd 
A wasted life is sad anyway you look at it.
((()))
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle, wa
Posts: 118
I was sharing last night with a friend that if he hadn't broke up with me I would right now still be worrying, caring for him, and his needs, his problems, and dealing with the fallout from his addictions. Spending all my time living to fix him....or trying to get him fixed.....soooo much has changed now.....it's no longer him its about me. My life has truly come to life now that he is not apart of it. That is sad....it sucks we can get so messed up. But, I'm so thankful we can get unstuck as well. :-)
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
i found that sharing with people in al-anon about it instead of my gf
helps me..I also found that putting it down on paper help me very much.
it might sound corny but it was on paper and not in my head
all of the time..so anytime I wanted to feel those feelings or see those
thoughts, I could always read them. i wrote exactly how I felt about
everything..after reading it a couple of times...i didn't wanna read it
anymore...maybe tommorow..but not today.lol
helps me..I also found that putting it down on paper help me very much.
it might sound corny but it was on paper and not in my head
all of the time..so anytime I wanted to feel those feelings or see those
thoughts, I could always read them. i wrote exactly how I felt about
everything..after reading it a couple of times...i didn't wanna read it
anymore...maybe tommorow..but not today.lol
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Str..
It seems you have a good understanding of things...head knowledge...
But those feelings are tough I know...
Let me ask you..doesn't moving forward in your own recovery just "feel right"?
I bet it does..
You stated you have turned him over to God...
In Alanon the saying is "Hands off.other's peoples business.."
Now it is God's business to care for this man. Keep moving ahead..
God will take care of him much better tha anyone else ever could!
Love,
IO
It seems you have a good understanding of things...head knowledge...
But those feelings are tough I know...
Let me ask you..doesn't moving forward in your own recovery just "feel right"?
I bet it does..
You stated you have turned him over to God...
In Alanon the saying is "Hands off.other's peoples business.."
Now it is God's business to care for this man. Keep moving ahead..
God will take care of him much better tha anyone else ever could!
Love,
IO
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