lunch out today with friends
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
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lunch out today with friends
I'm feeling a little unsettled after lunch out with friends today. We haven't seen each other since school finished about 3 weeks ago.
I really think I have changed more than I realize. I didn't feel like I fit in with the group anymore. There wasn't anything in particular that came up. I'm just in a great mood and my attitude is about having fun and living in the moments. Not to brag, but I took care today in appearance and really was happy when I arrived.
Too much negativity and just a blah feeling from them.
Hmmm....
I really think I have changed more than I realize. I didn't feel like I fit in with the group anymore. There wasn't anything in particular that came up. I'm just in a great mood and my attitude is about having fun and living in the moments. Not to brag, but I took care today in appearance and really was happy when I arrived.
Too much negativity and just a blah feeling from them.
Hmmm....
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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My favorite reading from Language Of Letting Go-
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
__________________________________________________ ___________________
I often feel hurt at leaving friends behind or accepting that I've grown apart from them as part of my recovery, but I also understand that when I accept it my heart opens to new, healthier relationships. Sounds to me like your progress is very positive.
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
__________________________________________________ ___________________
I often feel hurt at leaving friends behind or accepting that I've grown apart from them as part of my recovery, but I also understand that when I accept it my heart opens to new, healthier relationships. Sounds to me like your progress is very positive.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
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I know what you mean about those times when you feel like you're just not connecting. ugh! I hate that. For me, sometimes the feeling of not connecting is only temporary with certain people. While with others, it just gets worse.
I usually give it at least a few tries before backing off. C'est la vie. We just gotta try to be true to ourselves and not second guess ourselves when we don't feel like people aren't getting us and/or we're not connecting with them.
The older I get, the more I feel capable of riding out the storms.
Sometimes, too, the timing's just off. I know sometimes I've been the negative one, while other times more of the positive one. It's wonderful when the timing's right, and you meet up with others who are in the positive mode too.
You have lots to smile about. Keep it up sweetie
I usually give it at least a few tries before backing off. C'est la vie. We just gotta try to be true to ourselves and not second guess ourselves when we don't feel like people aren't getting us and/or we're not connecting with them.
The older I get, the more I feel capable of riding out the storms.
Sometimes, too, the timing's just off. I know sometimes I've been the negative one, while other times more of the positive one. It's wonderful when the timing's right, and you meet up with others who are in the positive mode too.
You have lots to smile about. Keep it up sweetie
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
What day is that passage from Letting Go? I need to bookmark it!
Thanks!
We did set a date to meet up again before some leave for out of state vacations. I'll try again and see how things go. I could be expecting too much, too.
I guess I felt a little left out because all of the conversation was about the future at school, people were putting themselves down, couldn't decide what they wanted to eat, and it just didn't seem like a relaxing time to me. No one even asked how I've been, what have you been up to, etc. Usually, I'm the one taking the lead when we all go out, so in this case, I didn't. I was in a different role and maybe that's why it felt strange.
I'm probably just making too much out of it, but I'm really trying to learn from my feelings. At least I went out and enjoyed my lunch. Will try again in a few weeks.
Thanks!
We did set a date to meet up again before some leave for out of state vacations. I'll try again and see how things go. I could be expecting too much, too.
I guess I felt a little left out because all of the conversation was about the future at school, people were putting themselves down, couldn't decide what they wanted to eat, and it just didn't seem like a relaxing time to me. No one even asked how I've been, what have you been up to, etc. Usually, I'm the one taking the lead when we all go out, so in this case, I didn't. I was in a different role and maybe that's why it felt strange.
I'm probably just making too much out of it, but I'm really trying to learn from my feelings. At least I went out and enjoyed my lunch. Will try again in a few weeks.
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I didn't hang out much with anyone while with my ex either. Now I want to and realizing maybe I need to meet a few new people. I'm a different ME now. I guess I just want to feel like I belong somewhere in addition to SR.
This has been an ongoing life struggle. I usually only connect with 1 or 2 people, but I want to come out of my shell a little more. I'm everyone's "friend" when they need something and I'm not accepting those kind of friendships anymore.
This has been an ongoing life struggle. I usually only connect with 1 or 2 people, but I want to come out of my shell a little more. I'm everyone's "friend" when they need something and I'm not accepting those kind of friendships anymore.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
you sound wonderful azzie! when things start to change so subtly that i barely notice, it is so wonderful to be able to sense it now. used to, the chaos in my life was so blaring that i missed all the subtleness and gentleness of myself changing for the better in any way.
ain't it just grand, azzie???? don't ya think???? i sure think so!!!!!
ain't it just grand, azzie???? don't ya think???? i sure think so!!!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Originally Posted by aztchr 
I'm everyone's "friend" when they need something and I'm not accepting those kind of friendships anymore.
This is so true! I have welcomed that boundary in my life awhile ago and the feeling has been very rewarding!
Aztchr you are doing wonderful! That negative feeling that we get I feel IMHO when we are with others is a pat on our own back that we are recovering and working on US! Which in return turns into a POSITIVE! It is a great thing!
(((Hugs)))
Az
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I have a great mix in my life today - friends I've had for years and lots of new ones. It's a process, like everything else. Some friends I had while with AH are gone, but none with rancor - it's just a natural progression. Even when I was living with alcoholism, a great source for me for meeting new people has been through volunteering. Much like "doing service" in Al-Anon, it has resulted in some terrific friendships.
((aztchr))
((aztchr))
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Originally Posted by aztchr
What day is that passage from Letting Go? I need to bookmark it!
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