A Teen who really needs help...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Denver Colorado
Posts: 5
A Teen who really needs help...
Hey, I've been on this site before, but I'm pretty much new... But anyways, my father was a HUGE alcoholic. He literally drank 24/7. He was never ever sober. He also took narcotics that just multiplied the effect of the alcohol. He went to rehab about 3 months ago. Then about a week ago, I heard him and my mom talking, and he needed picked up from the bar because he was DRUNK. Then it ended up he didn't want to be picked up for another hour or so and my brother (Who is 8) realizing I was really upset, tried to see how far he could push me. I went crazy like I was watching myself in third person. My mom didn't say anything to him, untill I stood up and had him backed in a corner... Then I just left, I ended up calling my friend hysterical and... my Dad has still not realized I left for more than 4 hours... Then my mom told him I was upset about his drinking... and he took me on this car ride and explained it was a one time thing he just needed to do. Ok so after I day, I dumbly forgave him. Now he drinks every night and won't tell anyone... everytime I see him with a beer, I say something, and he gets all upset... my unlce who's a phycologist says I'm not 'reacting' how I should... I don't know what to do anymore... It's to the point that I've thought about it soo much... and I actually truly hate him because he has ****** up my life sooo bad... now I'm depressed and want to turn to drinking and I'm SOO afraid to turn out like him... it's a thought that keeps me from sleeping at night... I really just need support... Sorry that was so long... and now I'm crying like crazy... lol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 30
First off, welcome to the forums! I hang out in here and in the ACOA forum, as I am an adult of parents with an addiction, and I have recently discovered a good friend of mine with a drinking problem. So I hang out in a few places!
One thing I want to address right away is what your uncle said. As a counselor, I am going to say that no one, especially not a professional, should ever tell you how you "should" be feeling or reacting. That's just bad practice and bad therapy. There is nothing you should or should not be feeling. You are entitled to whatever you want to feel.
Is there someone in real life that you could talk to about this? Forums are great, but real time help is also very important. This is a hard place you are in, and we have all been there. Please don't turn to drinking as a way to solve your problems. It hasn't solved your dad's problems, has it? There are other ways, much better ways, to cope with this. Hang in there.
One thing I want to address right away is what your uncle said. As a counselor, I am going to say that no one, especially not a professional, should ever tell you how you "should" be feeling or reacting. That's just bad practice and bad therapy. There is nothing you should or should not be feeling. You are entitled to whatever you want to feel.
Is there someone in real life that you could talk to about this? Forums are great, but real time help is also very important. This is a hard place you are in, and we have all been there. Please don't turn to drinking as a way to solve your problems. It hasn't solved your dad's problems, has it? There are other ways, much better ways, to cope with this. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
Posts: 80
You have good reason to fear turning out like your father. I hope you can get yourself to Alateen meetings? I believe this would help you tremendously. You'll learn that because you're depressed, you don't have to choose drinking. Besides that, alcohol is a depressant! There are better ways to live!
If you can't find an alateen meeting, then please attend an Al-Anon meeting (they're in the phone book) and I'm sure they will help you in every way.
Ask your Higher Power for strength and courage. You will receive it and you'll get through your difficult living situation. You don't have to go it alone. Please keep coming back and let us know what and how you're doing, okay? I care.
Luv
If you can't find an alateen meeting, then please attend an Al-Anon meeting (they're in the phone book) and I'm sure they will help you in every way.
Ask your Higher Power for strength and courage. You will receive it and you'll get through your difficult living situation. You don't have to go it alone. Please keep coming back and let us know what and how you're doing, okay? I care.
Luv
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi Gidig,
I'm glad you came by to share. Alateen is for teens and Alanon is for adults. Depending on your age, you might want to attend both, but Alateen will perhaps be more suitable since you are a child of an alcoholic. Please take care of yourself.
I'm glad you came by to share. Alateen is for teens and Alanon is for adults. Depending on your age, you might want to attend both, but Alateen will perhaps be more suitable since you are a child of an alcoholic. Please take care of yourself.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Gidig,
I feel for you honey. I dont know how old you are but I will tell you a story. My neice is 18 now and her mum is a cronic alcoholic who has been drinking for nearly 20 years. My neice only left the house and went and lived with her dad a couple of months ago.
It was and still is an emotional battle for her because she misses her mum, her friend and especially her home and dog. Her mums continual drinking split up the family home eventually and she kept staying with her mum because she hated her, loved her, cared for her and was scared something bad was going to happen to her. Her mother used and is still using emotional blackmail. She doesnt understand why her mum chooses alcohol over her, she has forgotten to pick her up at places, never remembers to buy food, never had money and it eventually became too much. My neice ended up being her mother as she looked after her all those years. Your 8 year old brother probably doesnt know the extent of your fathers drinking so hes still being a little boy.
This is the advise I gave my neice and it did take her some time to come to terms with her mums disease.
I told her it was OK to be herself and have some fun. Start, thinking about yourself and keep seeing friends, going out and being at school.
You are angry with your dad and that is natural. Be as angry as you like and dont worry if it upsets him. I wouldnt use verbal abuse to him because this will just make him drink more.
No one can tell you how to react or feel. Best advise is when he is drinking leave the room, listen to some music or do something you like to do, or get on the phone and talk to a friend.
How is mum taking all of this? Do you think she would go to AA meetings with you? This probably might not make alot of sense to you but you need to focus on yourself and live your life. It is really bad when dad or mum are drinkers and it seems like they are screwing up your life and it is embarrassing. Not nice to invite friends over either. Unfortunately right now you cant help your dad (he has to help himself and no amount of yelling or screaming is gonna stop him, believe me) so now its all about you and getting yourself feeling happier.
I wish you all the best. Justjo
I feel for you honey. I dont know how old you are but I will tell you a story. My neice is 18 now and her mum is a cronic alcoholic who has been drinking for nearly 20 years. My neice only left the house and went and lived with her dad a couple of months ago.
It was and still is an emotional battle for her because she misses her mum, her friend and especially her home and dog. Her mums continual drinking split up the family home eventually and she kept staying with her mum because she hated her, loved her, cared for her and was scared something bad was going to happen to her. Her mother used and is still using emotional blackmail. She doesnt understand why her mum chooses alcohol over her, she has forgotten to pick her up at places, never remembers to buy food, never had money and it eventually became too much. My neice ended up being her mother as she looked after her all those years. Your 8 year old brother probably doesnt know the extent of your fathers drinking so hes still being a little boy.
This is the advise I gave my neice and it did take her some time to come to terms with her mums disease.
I told her it was OK to be herself and have some fun. Start, thinking about yourself and keep seeing friends, going out and being at school.
You are angry with your dad and that is natural. Be as angry as you like and dont worry if it upsets him. I wouldnt use verbal abuse to him because this will just make him drink more.
No one can tell you how to react or feel. Best advise is when he is drinking leave the room, listen to some music or do something you like to do, or get on the phone and talk to a friend.
How is mum taking all of this? Do you think she would go to AA meetings with you? This probably might not make alot of sense to you but you need to focus on yourself and live your life. It is really bad when dad or mum are drinkers and it seems like they are screwing up your life and it is embarrassing. Not nice to invite friends over either. Unfortunately right now you cant help your dad (he has to help himself and no amount of yelling or screaming is gonna stop him, believe me) so now its all about you and getting yourself feeling happier.
I wish you all the best. Justjo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Gidig,
When I was a teen, I decided how I was going to do things, in some ways, differently than my parents. I could see how disfunctional they were and found some older friends in my church who became my mentors/role models. It's hard enough growing up when things are going well in the family- all the more reason for you to find some good support. I'm so glad you are coming here to SR and sharing with us. You are very wise to come here and do that.
Have you found an Alateen meeting in your area yet? What I learn in Alanon is to not allow what the alcoholic/addict does to take first place in my life. I learned that _I_ needed to be my own top priority.
You can decide now to do the things needed to become self reliant as soon as you reach adult age- when you can be on your own and away from the insanity. Until that time, there are meetings, school counselors and we are here at SR.
I never had to live with alcoholic parents like yours, but have known many others who have. Alot of people who come from families like yours go on to live wonderful lives, have good careers and raise strong families. It stinks that you have these problems to deal with but you can 'use' them to make yourself strong and know that you don't have to follow the same path your parents chose. Hang in there kid.
When I was a teen, I decided how I was going to do things, in some ways, differently than my parents. I could see how disfunctional they were and found some older friends in my church who became my mentors/role models. It's hard enough growing up when things are going well in the family- all the more reason for you to find some good support. I'm so glad you are coming here to SR and sharing with us. You are very wise to come here and do that.
Have you found an Alateen meeting in your area yet? What I learn in Alanon is to not allow what the alcoholic/addict does to take first place in my life. I learned that _I_ needed to be my own top priority.
You can decide now to do the things needed to become self reliant as soon as you reach adult age- when you can be on your own and away from the insanity. Until that time, there are meetings, school counselors and we are here at SR.
I never had to live with alcoholic parents like yours, but have known many others who have. Alot of people who come from families like yours go on to live wonderful lives, have good careers and raise strong families. It stinks that you have these problems to deal with but you can 'use' them to make yourself strong and know that you don't have to follow the same path your parents chose. Hang in there kid.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Seeing you father destroying himself can make anyone crazy and emotion and upset. Perhaps you can look at him and KNOW what you are NOT going to do with your life; throw it away with alcohol/drugs.
The psychologist probably meant to help teach you how to detach emotionally but still love your father.
The psychologist probably meant to help teach you how to detach emotionally but still love your father.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Denver Colorado
Posts: 5
Ya... it's been sort of interesting... two days ago he finnally got sick... like he had the flew and a horrid hangover... I didn't feel bad for him though... and he's finnally feeling better today... But thanks for all your guy's support. I'm going to talk to my mom about going to meetings... I've pretty much ether been out of the house or in my room all summer... I just wish he could understand how hard it is on MY side too... like yes I know it's hard to stop, but maybe you would be more willing to do it if you had half an idea what you are putting your family through... it was a big deal about a year or two ago where he came home drunk and he SO irrational my mom got scared and called the police and we went to my aunts house... and I don't know... it sucks so bad... but luckily I was able to help my cousin who is getting into drugs and alchol... I called up my uncle really upset the other night, and he wasn't home, so I talked to my cousin... and he threw away all the drugs he had because he said he would never make his family go through something like that... So I guess there is some sort of plus...
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