Ellelove89

This weekend me and my parents went to see my grandmother who lives about two hours away. And it felt like we were still a family it was so normal.

We went to dinner and talked about my college and every thing that has past since my A father was not in my life. It has been so long since I have felt like I was talking to my father and I knew he would remember it.He still dose not remember anything the arrest or that day.

My new pharse is I don't know and it is all I can say.... I don't know. For so long you try not to feel the pain, hurt, any thing and now hope is there .

so for not I don't know

CE Girl

Ya, I always felt kinda "non feeling" inside when my A would get "sober". In the early stages (day 1 until around the 4th or 6th day) I'd feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. After that, it was a non feel. Protective mechanism me thinks, but also a prep for expecting him to drink again. If I didn't feel, it wouldn't hurt when it happened

Then I would get to "gettin used to stage". Getting used to having him sober. Not tweeking so much if he went out for coffee. Letting go a little and having "normal" evenings together.

Next would be, "happy". Oh brother, could I get happy. Used to call it "fat and happy". And NORMAL

It's the levels we go through as codies. And it killed me to not know. The only way to stop that emotion, was to let go. Finally realize that if he fell, I could still stay up. Remove myself from the situation, physically and emotionally and remember I am in control of my own destiny. And he his too,,,,

Peace

loveRoy

Elle, I like "I don't know". I too don't know what will happen to my husband. Let me tell you what I do know, like I tell my daughters. You are a very bright young woman with a future. You can shape it and mold it. College will open new doors for you. You will make new friends and have many new experiences. The world awaits. Enjoy and never hesitate to ask for help. An education is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.

embraced2000

i used to think i knew what normal was. thought i was living normal. felt average.

now, after having lived through the experience of alcoholism with my xh, i now know that i will forever be changed, and will never know what is normal again. at least i hope i don't....cause if that was normal, who would want abnormal?????

but on the other hand......if i had not been having that certain experience with alcoholism, i would have been having another experience that would have taught me other things i needed.

does that make sense?