A Tragic Ending
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
A Tragic Ending
It took me a long time to gather up the courage to end my relationship with Richard. Two years to be exact. I worried about so many things. Would I be able to stand the pain of losing him? Would I be able to make it financially on my own? What effect would his moving out have on my daughter? Would Richard be OK on his own, or left to his own devices, would he quickly drink himself into oblivion?
But my worst fear was that Richard would drink himself to death and end up lying in a ditch somewhere or alone in an apartment, his final thoughts racing through his mind that nobody cared, and perhaps nobody would even notice.
Saturday, my worst fears were realized. I learned that Richard died alone in his apartment and absolutely nobody noticed. For how long exactly I don't know yet. But long enough for his neighbors to complain about the smell.
The coroner's office is having trouble identifying him. Apparently, by the time he was found, there wasn't much left of him. Just skin and bones. He has no facial features left to compare to a photo. No fingerprints left to compare with those that are on file. Only a broken shell of a man remains, a hint of a life once lived, and a person much cherished.
His last attempt to contact me was on May 24th, but I missed his call. My daughter and I were in the backyard. When we came home from school and work that day, we found that our 11-year-old pet rabbit had died and we were busy burying her in the backyard. We wanted to accomplish our task before it got too dark.
We were suffering a drought in our area and the soil was hard and rocky. We had to take turns digging her grave, the task was so exhausting. When we finished, we came inside to clean up. I heard my cell phone ringing and glanced at the window. It was Richard.
Still crying from our just completed burial and still emotionally distraught, I decided to let the call go to voice mail. I didn't want to deal with his neediness on top of my own grief.
After I cleaned myself up, I retrieved his voice mail. I could hear his television in the background and lots of clattering. It sounded as if he were doing the dishes. At least, that's what I assumed. I listened for a few minutes, but he left no message. I thought that he probably had his cell phone in his pocket and accidentally hit the redial button, and he didn't really intend to call me. So, instead of allowing the message to play to the end, I hit #7 and I deleted it.
I never heard from him again. I was just beginning to get worried when the call came in last Thursday night. I wish I had made a different choice that night. I wish I hadn't deleted the message without listening to the end. I wish I had simply picked up the phone. Perhaps he was calling to say good bye.
I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish that things could have been different. I wish our story would have had a happy ending. I wish that he were still here.
But my worst fear was that Richard would drink himself to death and end up lying in a ditch somewhere or alone in an apartment, his final thoughts racing through his mind that nobody cared, and perhaps nobody would even notice.
Saturday, my worst fears were realized. I learned that Richard died alone in his apartment and absolutely nobody noticed. For how long exactly I don't know yet. But long enough for his neighbors to complain about the smell.
The coroner's office is having trouble identifying him. Apparently, by the time he was found, there wasn't much left of him. Just skin and bones. He has no facial features left to compare to a photo. No fingerprints left to compare with those that are on file. Only a broken shell of a man remains, a hint of a life once lived, and a person much cherished.
His last attempt to contact me was on May 24th, but I missed his call. My daughter and I were in the backyard. When we came home from school and work that day, we found that our 11-year-old pet rabbit had died and we were busy burying her in the backyard. We wanted to accomplish our task before it got too dark.
We were suffering a drought in our area and the soil was hard and rocky. We had to take turns digging her grave, the task was so exhausting. When we finished, we came inside to clean up. I heard my cell phone ringing and glanced at the window. It was Richard.
Still crying from our just completed burial and still emotionally distraught, I decided to let the call go to voice mail. I didn't want to deal with his neediness on top of my own grief.
After I cleaned myself up, I retrieved his voice mail. I could hear his television in the background and lots of clattering. It sounded as if he were doing the dishes. At least, that's what I assumed. I listened for a few minutes, but he left no message. I thought that he probably had his cell phone in his pocket and accidentally hit the redial button, and he didn't really intend to call me. So, instead of allowing the message to play to the end, I hit #7 and I deleted it.
I never heard from him again. I was just beginning to get worried when the call came in last Thursday night. I wish I had made a different choice that night. I wish I hadn't deleted the message without listening to the end. I wish I had simply picked up the phone. Perhaps he was calling to say good bye.
I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish that things could have been different. I wish our story would have had a happy ending. I wish that he were still here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
All I can do is give you virtual hugs and it seems like so little to me right now....
I wish I could help take that pain away, I wish I were reading a different story for you too sweetie.... I wish he had found recovery.... I wish your heart was not broken..... So many wishes.
Is your daughter home with you? Can she hold you or you hold her for awhile? Is your Mom still in town??? If its know can you get to a meeting. As much as we love you here, nothing beats the face to face.... Dont isolate .... please dont try to do this all alone there.... your not alone here, but I worry for you.
I wish I could help take that pain away, I wish I were reading a different story for you too sweetie.... I wish he had found recovery.... I wish your heart was not broken..... So many wishes.
Is your daughter home with you? Can she hold you or you hold her for awhile? Is your Mom still in town??? If its know can you get to a meeting. As much as we love you here, nothing beats the face to face.... Dont isolate .... please dont try to do this all alone there.... your not alone here, but I worry for you.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
((((FD))))
My heart breaks for you. This is such a tragic ending, and I can only imagine the pain you are feeling right now. As Cynay said, please think about a meeting or therapy, even though it will take a while to work through the grief of losing the love of your life. This disease called alcoholism leaves so many devastated. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you, your daughter and Richard. At least now, he is at peace.
QT
My heart breaks for you. This is such a tragic ending, and I can only imagine the pain you are feeling right now. As Cynay said, please think about a meeting or therapy, even though it will take a while to work through the grief of losing the love of your life. This disease called alcoholism leaves so many devastated. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you, your daughter and Richard. At least now, he is at peace.
QT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 221
I am so, so sorry for your pain and for Richard's pain. This is beyond heartbreaking...All we can do is make the best choices at each point in time; don't be harsh on yourself. Once again, I am very sorry for your loss. ((((()))))).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am very sorry. I do understand. If I don't hear from ex within 2 wks I always worry that he has had that heart attack...his heart is working at 20% due to a lifetime of drinking.
I just wanted you to know I feel for you and I know the dread. And someday, anyday, I will get that call.
It's beautiful that you remained his friend and never negated the love even tho' you had to leave.
My sympathies are very much with you!
I just wanted you to know I feel for you and I know the dread. And someday, anyday, I will get that call.
It's beautiful that you remained his friend and never negated the love even tho' you had to leave.
My sympathies are very much with you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I started thinking about something when you mentioned burying your pet rabbit. I don't know if this will be of any help, and it's only a suggestion so here goes ... Why don't you consider going to a nursery and buying a young rose bush that will produce gorgeous blooms? Plant it in your yard and tend to it. I know rose bushes need lots of care, but the fragrant flowers they produce year after year are so gorgeous. It could be a memorial to Richard's memory. Although the bush would be dormant in the fall and winter, you could look forward to its rebirth ever spring when the buds appear.
When the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes the rose.
((((FD))))
When the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes the rose.
((((FD))))
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I wish it wasn't like this. I wish cyberhugs would make the pain go away, but they wont.
I believe people are in my life for a reason and very little is a matter of chance. I'm so sorry Richard wasn't able to be a part of others life for longer. The things Ive learned indirectly from him through you are many. The people you have touched from your relationship with him is a testament to him as well.
I like prodigals idea of the rosebush, that sounds beautiful.
I believe people are in my life for a reason and very little is a matter of chance. I'm so sorry Richard wasn't able to be a part of others life for longer. The things Ive learned indirectly from him through you are many. The people you have touched from your relationship with him is a testament to him as well.
I like prodigals idea of the rosebush, that sounds beautiful.
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Fd, I don't know what to say, I can't make you feel better, I wish I could. Please don't beat yourself up to much, this was Gods will not yours. We love you here and you, your daughter and Richard anre in my prayers.
Love Kermmie
Love Kermmie
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
The thing that always struck me the most about your posts concerning Richard was your love for him. You truly showed me what "seperating the disease from the person" really is all about.
While you have a lot of "what if's" right now and wishes.....I truly believe that Richard knew deep in his heart that you loved him.
While that may not mean alot to you since I don't know either of you personally, I believe that your posts showed your love - so I can only imagine that in person, that love was even more recognizable.
I truly am sorry FD. You all will definately be in my thoughts and in my heart.
While you have a lot of "what if's" right now and wishes.....I truly believe that Richard knew deep in his heart that you loved him.
While that may not mean alot to you since I don't know either of you personally, I believe that your posts showed your love - so I can only imagine that in person, that love was even more recognizable.
I truly am sorry FD. You all will definately be in my thoughts and in my heart.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
(((((FD)))))
I don't know what to say other than I am sorry beyond any words could possibly express and my heart goes out to you and the memory of Richard. Thank you for sharing your pain and memories of Richard.
I don't know what to say other than I am sorry beyond any words could possibly express and my heart goes out to you and the memory of Richard. Thank you for sharing your pain and memories of Richard.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
((((FD))))) Have been thinking of you and praying for you....glad you posted. Thank you for sharing your deepest pain. You could not have prevented what happened. YOU COULD NOT. Please don't be hard on yourself. Prayers and love to you, FD....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((FD))))))))))))))))))))) )))
You are in my prayers tonight hunny......I am soooo very sad for you and your daughter..OMG...when the reality of all this hits us like this it just reminds us just how precious life and love really are...and we all share and vent here and try to keep each other as strong as possible but when this happens ....its like it's happening to all of us...and hunny WE feel your pain...trust me on this one...we love you...
God be with you and yours...stay strong
Janitw
You are in my prayers tonight hunny......I am soooo very sad for you and your daughter..OMG...when the reality of all this hits us like this it just reminds us just how precious life and love really are...and we all share and vent here and try to keep each other as strong as possible but when this happens ....its like it's happening to all of us...and hunny WE feel your pain...trust me on this one...we love you...
God be with you and yours...stay strong
Janitw
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((FD)))
You know the outcome was unlikely to be any different whether you took the call or not.
Richard knew then that you adored him, just as he knows now the depth of the love you had for him.
At peace and finally "safe", he can hurt no longer.
Would he want you to suffer with so many "if onlys"?
You are in my prayers, FD... strong, constant and heartfelt.
(((...)))
You know the outcome was unlikely to be any different whether you took the call or not.
Richard knew then that you adored him, just as he knows now the depth of the love you had for him.
At peace and finally "safe", he can hurt no longer.
Would he want you to suffer with so many "if onlys"?
You are in my prayers, FD... strong, constant and heartfelt.
(((...)))
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