sthrnraizd

I had told the exabf that I only kept 4 photos of him. (they were my favorite). Today I printed them off on plain paper econo print mode. tonight I will burn them in the fireplace. They are the last items that will completely server me from him. Even if he gets treatment for his alcoholism, there is still soo much more that would need to be addressed. And he is unfortunately not a person I need in my life in anyway. Not as a friend, lover, or acquaintance. he walked away, and I will choose to put him into my memory.
no hope to resolve anything anylonger for any reason.....I have moved on.

Cynay

chero

Havin' a little roast, huh!?

Have fun!!!

MsPINKAcres

I keep hearing a song from my youth

Burn, Baby Burn - Disco Inferno - burn baby burn -

Opps - sorry folks-Saturday Night Fever was on Cable all weekend - brought back the Disco years -

Do whatcha gotta do sthrnraizd - just trying to help ya smile while you do it

Peace & Take good care of You,

Rita

parentrecovers

forgiveness. blessings, k

FormerDoormat

These days, when I get feelings of intense emotion like this, I sit back and wait for my anger to subside before I take action. Some day, when you're able to forgive your partner for being human and succumbing to the disease of alcoholism, you may want to view those photos again.

I'm grateful that I still have photos of Richard to gaze upon. Photos and memories of happier times are all I have left now. Imagine if I had destroyed them in anger.

Rella927

Forgiveness is key-

I'm with FD there are times I could have done the same thing to a few in my life but, I reflect back on the happy times that I had with them and forgive them for what they have done-and what I have done.

It works out better for me this way! I'm learning to sit back and wait for the anger to vanish.....it is working more and more everyday!

If that is what you choose to do for yourself-then enjoy your "roast" as chero said!

(((Hugs)))

Cynay

Hon... it sounds like your hurting

Moving on is forgiveness and a indifference..... If you have these pics on a computer and your not distroying the orginal .... and if you need to for your own closure ceremony I do understand.... but I have to agree about distroying the orginal pictures.... Just a thought.

Astro

After sharing some thoughts about my ex with a wonderful friend last night I wrapped myself up this morning in a good dose of self-pity. I was hoping that someday she'd forgive me. There's a great thread going in F&F Of SA called "The Way They Were". I was able to contribute a few thoughts, and wanted to go home tonight and look at some old photos, cards, or love letters to see if I could come up with some more warm thoughts.

But I can't do that. After I moved out and sought sobriety and recovery I put those things in bags and threw them at her front door in a fit of anger. All those good memories are gone now, except for the ones I can recall at times from memory.

Put them in a drawer and forget about them for awhile. Someday, when the pain is gone and life begins anew you might want to remember the good times. I know I do.

StandingStrong

While everyone means well, I just want to tell you that I understand.

For each of us, there are different routes we take in letting go. Sometimes we are in a place in our recovery where we can remember better times and we have learned to not be bitter in the face of those memories. At other times, we may have felt the pain and the anger. Perhaps even sometimes, we still may.

I guess what I'm saying is that if burning the pictures is what you need to do for you - then by all means, do so. Just be sure that is the right thing for you to do - for you and that you'll have no regrets.

Closure, I have found in my own experience with my xah, came in stranger ways than the obvious ways in which I had hoped or thought they would.
But closure definately does make it much easier to move on.
And in that, I understand your need to find that closure.

I wish you the best no matter what you may decide.

CE Girl

I'm using something that I learned in my past,,

When my husband died, people told me not to clean anything out right away.

I went to a support group, there I found a myriad of expereinces. Ok, so don't laugh it's not funny, but one woman was carying around the urn. Her step children were VERY upset with her. They wanted him burried. She explained how she took him EVERYWHERE. Even putting him up on the sea wall when she went roller blading. One night, I went to my group, and there he was in all his tennis urn glory, gracing the conference table we all sat around. Ummmmmmmmm,,ok,,,lol

I can remember, I couldn't WAIT to get rid of the water bed,,,

You shoulda seen me trying to figure out how to empty it. Siphoned a garden hose out the window. What I was left with once the water was gone? A BIG WET SOGGY HEAVEY rubber mattress?!?!? Ok, so now what?!?! How the hell was I gonna get it out of the room? Injun injunity,,lol, I pushed, shoved and eventually got it out the window. It fell into a wheel barrel, 50 feet below,,,,lol

Problem solved next,,,,

I know what it feels like to want to have closure. Just did it today actually, but no matter what I give back, or what I acquire that formerly was mine, I don't want to foget. I want to remember the love. It's a gift, no matter how it ends

Its a personal choice.

Whatever feels right

Peace

sthrnraizd

I appreciate eveyones comments: I have already deleted all the photos. There is none saved anywhere. I do not want any, I see that even if this man gets treatment there are and was other issues in his life I do not want to have in mine again. I will blame the alcohol on some of the crap I went through. The other was him.
I have finally gotten to a place where I do not want to hope for a resolve. I want closure and I want to move on with my life with out him. I will never forget the good, the bad. But I do not want to have to see him again, not even in a photo.
I will cut what seems like my last few ties to him and let it go. For me then I can forgive him and bless him. I cannot do that still tied to him and the pain.
I am just understanding that he is human and living in a fallen state as am I and all of us. But if by some chance he gets that fallen state back into alignment with how God would see him live then and only then would he be only given the opportunity to venture my direction. I will trust God that he will keep the doors closed for now, and
trust the God will be the one to reopen it if it ever does. But, as for me and my house.....I am moving on. And there will come someone someday with whom I will want to keep visible memories. But, this one now is not that.
It's my recovery and I am walking it the best i can. Thank you for all the words and encouragement!