Kasha

Morning!
Feeling like I could use some prayers and a little support today. I have a lot on my mind right now, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and immobilized.

I go to court this Wednesday for my 3rd DWI which was back in January. Even though I still don't have a license and I lost my job over this because they forced me to resign, it still was a blessing in disguise because I finally was out of the closet with my drinking. My family, fiancé and friends couldn't believe what they were hearing because I drank alone on the sly. Looks like I'm either going to get 4 months of community service, 3+ months of house arrest, or 3 months jail time. Back in January I put myself into in patient treatment, and after that, out patient. After 20 plus years of drinking heavily on a daily basis, even after the treatment, I have still opted to hit the bottle on occasion to deal with my problems instead of facing them head on. I don't enjoy drinking anymore, so I'm not sure why I still cave to the cravings sometimes when I am stressed except for the fact there is still some level of comfort there, even though it never proves to be comforting and only makes me sick and remorseful. After Wednesday, I will be tested randomly for alcohol consumption. I need to really get a grip on things because if I am caught drinking ... even a little, I will go straight to the slammer.

I feel all alone, and my fiancé is more into cutting me down than being a support. I know part of my sour mood today is hormones, but I'm just afraid of the unknown, I guess, as well.

On a bright note: I got a call back for an interview for a PT job at the gym which I am checking on this morning (even though I am feeling afraid to call... why, I don't know. Just feeling insecure. Knowing I will have to admit to my drinking to explain why I have 4 year degree and quit a high paying job to work PT for minimum wage.) Also getting a much needed haircut this afternoon! whoo hoo! It's the small things, sometimes, that bring the greatest pleasure.

thanks for listening... wishing you all a nice day. Lynn

newday117

You are in my prayers, Lynn.

Kasha

thanks New Day. that means a great deal to me...

parentrecovers

hey kasha,

i'm thinking about you and praying that you find peace. i understand how difficult this disease is. but you can recover. keep posting, k

Kasha

thanks K. I hope so. some days it just doesn't feel like it. Like I mentioned... I know a lot of this is hormones talking today. And finally getting out of this relationship I'm in, when I find the strength to, will help enormously as well. Just feeling 'stuck' right now. The support from SR sure does help. thanks again.

CarolD

Just keep doing the next right thing....it will all work out.

I also suggest checking out your local AA.....
fantastic support and ideas on living sober with joy!

Mega Hugs and Prayers zinging your way Lynn

Kasha

thanks Carol.

Aysha

Stop..Breathe......Relax.
Thats alot to ponder.
I hope it all works out for you.
Sending prayers.

splendra

Hey(((Kasha))))

Something I forget sometimes when I am soaking my my stew is that I really can do whatever I want to do...and that is exactly what I do...even when I feel sorry for myself it is because I want to.

All the good stuff is inside and I am sure you have lots of good stuff.

Kasha

thanks Splendra and Chi. means a lot that you cared enough to write!
hugs back to you!

stone

Hugs Kasha

Kasha

thanks Stone

livefree

Sending you BIG HUGS, Kasha. Sounds like this is a stressful time for you. The consequences of our drinking can seem unbearable when we're sober and can actually see what we did... at least it can for me. I was feeling down just a little while ago, dwelling on lost opportunities. You've helped me feel less alone. You've got a really positive additude. You are right about your 3rd DWI being a blessing in disguise. No doubt about that. I also understand about drinking after hitting what should be a bottom and going to rehab. That happened to me a while back before I went to detox for the final time. Anyway, just want you to know you're not alone. I'm praying for you.

Kasha

((((((LiveFree)))))))... thanks. glad my thread has helped someone besides myself. It's a comfort for me to know others have had to/are dealing with some very similar things as myself and have actually lived through them! LOL. Puts things into perspective. That's one of the things I love so much about the SR support.

have a good one. htanks for posting and the huge hugs. they always help!

Rowan

Living sober can be very overwhelming - especially in the beginning. Sounds like you've got a lot going on Kasha. Take it a bit at a time, and things will fall into place. I hope you've got some support to help you as you go through this. Big hugs to you.

Rowan

Kasha

Thanks Rowan. No support at home... but my sisters have been there for me. And some of the people in AA, although I really haven't found a home meeting where I feel I have a good 'fit' yet. But that will come once I am able to drive again and try out some other various meetings.

I am feeling more hopeful today just having asked the SR gang for help and received such support. thanks again, everyone.
Lynn

Emily2002

You're actually an inspiration to me, Lynn. Here I am feeling at a loss, when I read your post and am able to put things in a better perspective. I'm so glad we can post when feeling this way. You're on the right track; keep looking ahead and know many, many prayers are being said.

Liz

Kasha

Liz. thanks. and you hang in there too.
I appreciate the prayers. I'm just trying to give all of this to God to handle. Still trying to learn how to do that on a more regular basis...