venusinlibra

Each week my rollercoaster continues. I am working my Alanon program and I am growing/changing rather quickly. The fog of denial has cleared and now I feel ashamed and stupid for putting up with so much bs for so long.

I want to forgive him, but even though he is sober, he still is moody and pissy. I am tired of my weekends having to listen to him complain. It is always about him and he still expects me to take care of him.

I would love to hear stories of what happened to other's relationships after ABF/AGF came home. Did it get better? Did you lose the love?

I almost feel like I am falling out of love. His quacking no longer makes me mad, I just find the way he thinks to be bizarre, and I just want to get away from him. Is it just a phase, or is this the final detachment?

loveRoy

I know what you mean about feeling ashamed and stupid. I was so hoping that things would get better, that he would become the man I had married 31 years ago. The last hurt was more than I could take; it was the straw that finally broke my back. He went into rehab but I didn't let him come home. Honestly, I wish the best for him; he is the father of my girls but I can't live with him. I am working on forgiveness (in my heart) but I will never forget. I understand when you talk about bizarre thinking. For my AH, he was mixing alcohol with powerful depression meds. Not a good combination. Life has changed for me. Now I have a real home, a safe place to fall, and don't have to walk on those ever sharp eggshells.

minnie

My ex was a complainer for long stretches too. I realised, rather belatedly, that just because he was talking, I didn't have to stay around and listen. So I took myself off elsewhere at those times.

I fell out of love pretty quickly when I got into recovery. I think it was because I realised that our relationship was built on a pack of lies and that I never really knew him - how could I love him? The "nice" R was a facade and only served to control me.

What does your gut tell you?

smith1

Read mu post under being friends with agf. She used to write me letters stating she loved me but when she got out of rehab and I guess thought she din't need me anymore,she dumped me. Actually she did it the week befdre she got out of rehab. Little did she know she was to get five more dys in jail and almost a year of house arrest. The judge did count time served.

Sunlight81

Living with a newcomer is hard, too. If he is working a program, it will probably get better, slowly. He is not your problem. Does your program of taking care of you include him? You could quit waiting on him. You could tell him to whine to somebody else. You can detach from him and stay or go as you feel guided. God bless you both.

fuster

I second what Minnie asked: "what does your gut tell you?"

guineapigjude

Geeze, I'm always amazed at how many people seem to have been married to my almost x and have the same feelings! Mine hasn't come back, though I can see he's finding out the grass isn't quite so green on the other side of the fence. There was a time when I was all about "stroking" him. Now I find his poor me routine so tedious I could spit.