Room1

I planned it, I did it, and now I am paying for it.

I didn't plan for it to be quiet like it was, it was soposed to be just a little fair well drink LOL. How stupid am I?

Oh well, whats done is done, if I don't die today, which I am pretty sure I won't allthough I sure feel like it at the moment then I guess at least I can remember my last drunk as how it really is, and not this stupid fantasy I sometimes get of how I like drinking.

My mind is a bit of a mess at the moment, I can barely see straight to type this but for some reason wanted to. I guess it will be like a permanant reminder of how I feel, because we all know that in a few days things will look different and I will try and convince myself that a little drink will be ok.

Well it's never a little drink is it, thats the problem, I drink to much, phone people and do stupid things. I am mortified about last night, who I spoke to what I said, I only have a vauge memory of what I actually said, but at the moment I never want to see anybody ever again I feel sick, I want to cry, I want to hide, oh my how I hate myself right now.

So here I am, day 1, sorry for ramberling on, but maybe if someone is contemplating (sp) on one last drink this might remind them of how you will feel in the morning, don't do it.

Rusty Zipper

sax perahps youself sax

a line i herd... we plan, god laughs...

try again sax, and never give up that hope...

all good wishes sax

xxoo, rz

Dee74

thanks for sharing Saxony...best of luck to ya !
D

indigo

Yes do try again drink is a companion that doesn't understand the word 'farewell' not when it's got you hooked.

indigo

crayola

I did a similar thing and posted here in "the aftermath" too! Let's print out our respective posts to keep as a reminder and start Day 1 with better feelings about ourselves!

parentrecovers

the consequences are great. but the rewards of sobriety are there for you. don't lose hope. blessings, k


(practice a better plan. be prepared. you can do this...)

2stop

I found a bit of advice I received here a few years ago to be sooooo true.
I had to WANT it(recovery) MORE than I needed it.
It is usually quite OBVIOUS how much we need sobriety and recovery...but until we want it with every part of our mind, body and soul AND commit to a program of recovery, follow the steps, whatever they may be, 12 steps, Smart, RR etc we will stay insane(expecting different results with same old actions)........

And don't beat yoruself up too hard for falling down again. You're getting right back up, that is what matters.

I alwys told myself I may have fallen a thousand times, BUT I have picked myself up a thousand and ONE.

********{Encouraging Hugs}}}}}}

It can get better my friend, so much better. Don't give up.

cali

((((Sax))))
Start Where You Stand-today is a new day!!
welcome!

CarolD

Many of us had false starts before we quit.

Keep trying...you never have to feel this way again!

GlassPrisoner

Thanks for reminding me what it was like. I'm getting the dry heaves just thinking about it.....

Room1

Thanks for all your replies.

It's day 3 today, and I am feeling a little better pysically. Emotionally, I am a mess, I really don't know what to do, I feel so much shame and embarresment about a phone call I made, it would probablly help if I could remember exactly what I said but I can't.

I know I can't change what's happened but I can't stop thinking about it. I am to scared to answer my phone now as I can't face the resposibility and embaressment of talking to this person or her daughter, maybe I should just answer it, it might not even be them, I dunno.

I did have the thought that if I had a drink, I could phone them back and see exactly what I have done/said, but drinking got me in this mess, and many before and I really don't want to drink. I just need to find a way to get through these feelings as they are getting me down.

Sorry for ramberling.

Sax

insanebrain

thanks for your posts. i can so identify with how you are feeling. i am a blackout drunk and am always horrified at what ive done. i never mean to get that way but never can control it. and once the hangover is gone i feel like i can drink again. i cannot for i do not seem to know the difference in getting a buzz and getting into complete oblivion, it happens so fast. hence, i am an alcoholic. im pulling for you and for me and for all the rest of us who struggle. advice is welcomed

parentrecovers

all we have is today, sax. blessings, k

ontrackagain

I know this situation all too well. I NEVER drank to get a buzz, it was always to oblivion. I made an ass out of myself and babbled my incoherent heart out to anyone who would listen when drunk. Truly shameless, truly embarrassing. Sometimes I shudder to think about it. Sometimes I want to run away and move where no one knows me and I can make a "fresh" start.

But the reality is that the problem is me. The problem is my alcohol abuse. Until the day that I am sober and clean for a few years can I change the perception of myself. Change how people see me. I would only cart around my drunken self to another part of the world to reveal my drunken self to others until I change me.

There is some good advice in response to your thread. Listen to it. I wish you well.

Day 15 here.

Rowan

Welcome to the family, Sax.

Grateful Heart

Keep reading and posting. Best wishes to you!