dixied

I want input on this one question.........

If the addicts trigger is money then how do you adapt in a world where you must have money to survive? You must use it daily so how does the addict handle this problem? If he sincerely works the steps does he learn how to adjust? Does the problem ever get any better or do you forever dole out money to the addict? I need some help addressing this. My thanks...dixie

Lovestoomuch

IMO, if he sincerely works the steps he would have to learn how to adjust to everyday life without using. Wow.........money being a trigger is a big one. My ex's trigger used to be certain songs like "cocaine" or seeing someone using on TV. He got around using money when he could find things to trade for the cocaine. If money is your A's trigger.................I hope someone can come along with something better than I have.

dixied

the addict in my life is my adult son and unfortunately he sees $5.00 in his pocket as $5.00 toward crack, HE just relapsed Thursday night after seven and a half months sober.....I am so sad for him and money in his pocket WAS the trigger........dixie

Lovestoomuch

((dixied)) I'm so sorry. Such a long time to be clean then to relapse. I'll be keeping him in my prayers. I hope this was just a small one and it made him feel like junk so he realizes how great being sober feels.

Ann

Dixie, I use to agree with the concept about money but I now think that it's all part of their recovery, learning how to take care of their money and not always have a bunch in their pocket.

Just like an alcoholic has to adapt to a world that drinks, an addict has many adjustments to make including not using each time they have money.

My prayers go out for your son, that hopefully the taste of sobriety that he had will make him want it again.

Hugs

raerae6

Yeah that's a tough one....

Most people have more than one trigger, though.

He can have his money direct deposited and have bills taken out automatically....

and not have a cash card.

he can call his sponser or somebody when he has money and feels like using.

He could spend the money on something else that he really wants.

When it comes down to it there are ways to get dope without money....

So, he's going to have to work a program and put it into practice.

My ex is a server so when he works-there's cash money in his hand after every shift! But money was only one of his many triggers.

dixied

after beibg seven and a half months clean he got his hands on $200 (an insurance check to him) and bought #200.00 od crack . I am totally devastated. More than I can say. dixie

raerae6

My ex would do $500 of crack in one day...by himself!

That's a shame with all that clean time, sometimes relapse is part of recovery. What is he planning to do to make sure it doesn't happen again?

That's the important part.

MeggieStar

Money is the big trigger for my AH as well. I agree that it is something they must learn to do if they are survive, if they truly want to survive. I've doled money out for over 4 years....and now my AH and I are separated so it's time for him to sink or swim.

I hope your son finds his way back to his recovery. Hugs!

greeteachday

I'm sorry your son relapsed and praying that he will pick himself back up quickly. I know money can be a huge trigger, but i don't think there is much we can do about that...just provide love and support. I imagine other addicts in recovery and a sponsor have strategies and ideas that can help recovery addicts to deal with all kinds of triggers. Hugs and prayers

liesagain

my AH told me $$ was a trigger for him too.......and we came to the decision that all $$ would be direct deposited and so on ..........yet when he decided to use, he sold tools he traded his watch and who knows what else he did..................IMO
money isnt the issue its the addict and the plain fact that at that specific point and time they WANT TO USE PERIOD
AND it doesnt matter that they KNOW what to do to prevent a relapse they actually have DO those things........call someone tell someone............see my AH KNOWS ALL THOSE things yet somehow despite saying he didnt want to use .......somehow he still realy did...................
otherwise he could have called his sponsor he could have told me he could have gone to a meeting...........but he didnt.......
and $$$ or no money trigger or no triggers IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE ADDICT

Louise54

My as has been a month clean, but he has no money right now. He is currently looking for a job, and that is my first thought. Uh oh, when he has his first paycheck, what will he do with it. It always went to using again. Hopefully, this time will be different, but there's nothing I can do about it, but pray.

mooselips

aw Dixie, sorry about your son, but perhaps he will crave being sober again...soon.


My oldest's trigger is also money, could never have any in his pocket, or he was off and running.
This time, being sober, he's doing pretty good, and in fact started paying us what he owes us. (at least it takes money out of his pocket the good way!)

I do know one thing, you can't control it for him, that doesn't work.
(I tried THAT last time...)

Lithloren

(((Dixied)))

I am so sorry. I know how that feels. Same thing happened to my ABF. He was going to meetings. Had a really good sponsor. Made some money, went out and used the same day after 30 some days of clean time. Went back to meetings, started working the steps, made some money, went out and used after 30 some days of clean time.

As I am typing this I have question for all of us. How many of our addicts live with us and/or have a soft landing? Our we the common denominator rather than money itself? I am not pointing fingers, I am really asking a sincere question here.

Thank you,

Lithloren

Elana

So sorry this happened. My XABF was money triggered.. but then he was always high. Money just made it easier.

He was very bad with money. If he had any at all he would spend it on things (not bills.. heavens NO!). I sometimes wonder if he would buy stuff so he wouldn't have money to buy Coke? He loved camera equipment and he would buy that because it was not ez for him to part with it.

Wascally Wabbit

Boy do I understand the money thing. My son worked HARD and saved up almost 5000 dollars to buy a car and start a new life.
9 months clean and BAM! In one night where he stayed over night with my ex husband, also an addict, he blew it. He had every single penny GONE in two weeks.

As you know, now he;s in jail pennyless. I will never help him again with one single penny ever. I have spent thousands on him and for nothing.
My time of taking care of adults who choose to drug and be irresponsible is over for good.
I guess I am venting right now. He had started building his credit, had two credit cards and those are maxed out. He is about to discover financial ruin and momma isn't gonna help him get out of it. I won't let him stay with me when and if he gets out either.

I have spent the weekend pondering the mess he's in. I have gone through anger, sadness and now plain old disgust. I am tired of it Rozied! Why should I have to continually suffer for someone elses problems that they refuse to do anything about?
Answer: I won't suffer any more! I am DONE. He can stay in a halfway house if he gets out. It's so sad, but necessary that I let go completely and fully or I will go under with him.

hope213

money is a trigger.when they first get clean they should never have more than $5. as they get stronger in recovery that may change.money changes anybody.if you have it you are happy.some people think they can do anything.if you don't you are worried,sad or whatever the case may be.