oneeyeopen

yup...abf is off to use, so time for the walls to come down, the moat to be filled and those man-eating crocs to occupy it.

He stole money. This was different, not drunk, not craving YET...he actually dug around at some point in the near past, found an old credit card of mine which I had stupidly not yet changed the pin to, (since I don't use it and had tucked it away I had sort of forgotten it.) So I gave him the chance to just come back here, give me the money back, not use, and just put this behind us (codie yes indeed). BUT this time I am not going to stop the fraud department from doing their thing, unless the money reappears (doubtful at this point, he has been awol for 2 hours).

He is going to jail on an OUI on monday, is totally freaked out by it, and had decided, just in case he decided he needed to numb himself, he would have my credit card in reserve. SO today he goes, stone cold sober, and gets a cash advance. this is certainly a bad development...as I said in the past it has always been under the influence and in the heat of a bad craving...so in the past I let him off the hook for it.

BUT BUT...well, HP has set it up that he uses two days before he is shipped off to county jail. So, I get to put up the barrier without the hassle of him being around, no chance for me to change my mind and call him back, no chance of him manipulating me into it. He might go for as much as a month...a good long time for me to have a nice large breathing space.

I also hope that this stay in jail breaks the back of this addiction. Perhaps the month drug-free will give him that taste of sobriety that will push him towards treatment and recovery.

so, HP knows I am a weakling and has provided a way for me to stick to my guns without having to really struggle with it. Convenient HUH?

such is life.

Every time he uses I get less freaked out, and stronger to deal with the inevitable.

Don't know what will go on after the jail sentence. But I do know that having time apart is going to be a really good thing. NUTTY -- I will be relaxed knowing he is tucked away at the jail, and will not need to agonize over all those things we do -- is he out using? has he found someone else? etc.

BY THE WAY: I know that in prison the inmates can easily get drugs but my understanding is that at the country jails where they keep the ouis and such they can't get a hold of them ... anyone know anything about that?

Okay, I am resolved...I am strong...I am relieved to know that when my anger at his using and stealing dissapates (takes a few days) he will be in jail and I won't be able to weaken and call him back.

Lovestoomuch

There's not too much the fraud department will do without a police report. I learned this the hard way. Depending on how much money was taken............I would report the card stolen.........and tell them who did it. They can get video of him taking out the cash advance based on the date and time the card was used and where. If it's not done thouroughly............Its the sad truth, but you will still be responsible for payment on the charges.................again..........I had to learn the hard way. All said with love.

best

You would think jail will cure him. It could but don't count on it.
Report the card stolen ASAP and they will cancel it so he can't use it at all any more.
Less money you will need pay up for as well. Yes...he took it but you signed the contract with the card company. (unless reported stolen)

raerae6

Oneeyeopen,
I lived with an addict who stole from me and like I saw in your other thread, I too spent many sleepless nights worrying and wondering and PI$$ED OFF!!!!

My addict went to jail during our relationship twice-once for 6 weeks and another time for 4 months.....

Wrote me all these letters saying he was through with drugs and he wanted to be a good man to me, etc.

(I just loved the way he was sober...I don't even mean the lovey dovey talk, cause he did that always, but when he had all the drugs out of his system then he was full of interesting ideas and enthusiasm for life!)

Anyway, he got out and relapsed in 2 weeks. Same after the stints in rehab. I got my hopes up over and over. Addicts can change, but don't count on it!

This is the creep who just stole from you because he wanted rdrugs that bad. One month in jail is barely enough time to even START getting normal, to get the drugs out of his system.

I'm sorry I'm not trying to be mean, I just hate seeing people go through what I did...

Give your love to someone who can give it back...all the time.

I know it's painfull...but it will pass...the road you are on is one of continuing pain...over and over...and over....

Rip the bandaid off fast! It hurts less in the long run!

cinderellawkids

I agree with Rae Rae and others. Report the card stolen, mainly so he wont think he can continue to do this again. My AH always did the same thing when he knew he was going away, to numb pain and fear, course then hed run for 2 months or more screwed up the whole time. Didnt matter whether it was a week, a month 4 months or 6 months followed be rehab, he always relapsed within 1 to 6 weeks and went down hard.

I used to say hes not like the others hes different, truth is when under the control of drugs they are all the same. Its sad.

1 month is only long enough to go through the emotional with drawal, it always took him and the others we knew atleast that long to have a clear head, then the anger would come. TOday Im 10,000 in credit card debt, an di only changed about $2,000 which was for food when paychecks didnt come home and that damamge was done the first 15 months of our marriage