maddie82

so I told the abf that he had to move out of our apartment this week. He complied readily (surprising). The next night we got into a fight and he freaks out and leaves yelling that he's going to go overdose now b/c of me. For the first time I didn't call him or chase him. He came back about an hour later and had called a friend of his living in a sober house down in Florida. His friend has been there for 8 months and is doing great, he is even working there now and has asked my abf to come down and get better there for 6 months. Only catch is, he has to detox first. In order to do this he had to go back up to Pa b/c that's where his insurance is (his mom lives there).
So he sets this whole ball rolling himself: makes the calls and sets up a spot in the NA house in Florida, has the guy who runs the place call me and his parents to tell us about it, makes an appointment to be assessed for detox, and goes to Pa. I really felt good about this and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders (he was going into a program for more than 3 weeks and he would be out of my house).

But of course...things never ever ever go right!!!!! Why can't anything be simple, just once I want one thing to go as planned, just one thing. His insurance took a long time to approve him for detox b/c he's gone so many times in the past few months and that's a red flag. When they finally did approve him, there were no beds available so he they told him he has to go back and get re-assessed monday morning and they'll guarantee him a bed (this is all assuming that what he told me over the phone is true...) His mom, who hasn't been speaking to him, agreed to let him stay at her home till monday on the condition that I drive up there and stay with the two of them. She somehow thinks that I have some kind of control over what he does and whether or not he uses or steals from her!!! If he doesn't stay with her, he says he doesn't know where he can stay. So now I'm torn, I really want him detox and go to florida for 6 months but I feel like if I give in and drive all the way up there I'm just going back to square one and letting his addiction dictate everything I do. Just when things start to get better, they start all over again. I just wanted to vent I'm so frustrated and confused. What if this could be his one real shot? Or what if it's just like all the other times...

raerae6

i think his mom's request is ridiculous...why should you have to go there too? tell her that you have no more control over what he does than she has.
There are shelters he can stay at.

Noah812

mattie it is not your issue and not your problem so you don't have to do the work. Tell his mother to stick him in a hotel until Monday but your not coming you have other responsibilities. To me it sounds crazy I wonder how much it is she just does not want to deal with it or go at it alone...you know misery loves company. It could also be abf manipulating and quacking to get you to come to him yet again and reinforcing he has power over you. Like you said when you did not call him, he came back to you like a whipped pup, you took his toy away...power! Let go and let god...Your feelings make perfect sense to me...do what is best for you or this ride will never get better or end for you. BTW welcome to SR.

hope213

you should not have to go.call his mom & talk to her.let her know how you feel.tell her to set her boundries with him just as you have.i hope he goes & does well but this is his problem not yours.

Lovestoomuch

Some wonderful people here taught me I didn't have to do anything I wasn't comfortable with and the word "No" isn't a bad thing.

maddie82

Thank you guys...I did decide to stay home and I did call his mom and tell her why. She completely understood-I think she's desperate to do anything to keep him safe and I can't fault her for that. I'm actaully going to go out on the town tonight with some long-neglected girlfriends. It's going to be nice to go out without having to worry about dressing him up, forcing him to shave, and (ugh...so ashamed) putting makeup on his arms to cover the needle marks so I don't have to explain. I really hope that when I'm in a better place I can come here and help other people cope the way you all do

mooselips

Good for you Maddie,
Now I hope the rest of his life
goes according to his plan.


Hugs,

greeteachday

Maddie...Recovery is usually baby steps all the way, but you my dear, took a giant step in deciding what you felt comfortable with and making that known! Good for you. I hope you have a fun night with your girlfriends and I truly hope this is his time. Hugs