Last Night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
Last Night
If you haven't seen my recent posts I am trying to not talk to my boyfriend as he is using again. I haven't talked to him since Monday. Whenever we go somewhere with our friends he ends up leaving me with 2 of his friends to go do coke. Well last night it was my friends bday and he wasn't there but his friends were and his friends wife was there. And her husband and his friend left her there to go do coke. She was really upset and worried what he was doing. This is when I sat back and realized I am doing the right thing!! If he had been there he would of left with them too and I would of been having worried and angry feelings as well. This site is helping me so much to have the courage to walk away and I just want to say thank you!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Welcome to SR...I am glad your getting something so powerful already from SR. Some folks just keep going around the revolving doors but others step outside of the vicious circle and try to start again. Keep coming back for you and for others.
Or However You Spell It....
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
One of those powerful "Ah Ha" moments. I'll let you in on something..........it only gets better the more we work the steps and learn that taking care of ourselves isn't a selfish thing..........it's the best thing we can ever do.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
jsjohnson72,
If you think Sober Recovery works well, combine it with meetings. Give it a double whammy! Alanon, or Naranon will give you great support, and the meetings are great!
Hugs, and happiness....
Keep the focus on YOU!
If you think Sober Recovery works well, combine it with meetings. Give it a double whammy! Alanon, or Naranon will give you great support, and the meetings are great!
Hugs, and happiness....
Keep the focus on YOU!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
JS -You sound like a quick learner - how awesome for you! I agree with Moose...add some meetings and you will find the most amazing transformation in your life. Not just with addiction...just learning to know and love yourself. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
You do sound like a quick learner! I need whatever you're taking 
I am truly beginning to see that the more we go back on our word and do not stick to our guns- when we finally realize what is GOOD for us- the harder things become.
You deserve better.
No one deserves to live like this.
I am truly beginning to see that the more we go back on our word and do not stick to our guns- when we finally realize what is GOOD for us- the harder things become.
You deserve better.
No one deserves to live like this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
Well I fell off the wagon. He texted me Friday and Sat telling me he misses me so much and loves me and blah blah blah....I told him that I needed time by myself that I don't like the way I act when reacting to his actions (going physco) That I do still love him and miss him also. I tried so hard to have no contact with him but I miss and love him so much! I just wish he would get help and stay clean. Now I don't know what to do!! Is it o.k. to have some contact with him but just not get back into the relationship we had? And keep working on myself - reading books - going to go to a meeting today. I need advice!! Do I need to have no contact with him to work the program??
That I do still love him and miss him also. I tried so hard to have no contact with him but I miss and love him so much! I just wish he would get help and stay clean. Now I don't know what to do!! Is it o.k. to have some contact with him but just not get back into the relationship we had? And keep working on myself - reading books - going to go to a meeting today. I need advice!! Do I need to have no contact with him to work the program??
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Personally I think no contact is a must. I say that because all the other things I did try did not work I always got sucked back in for another round. Addicts whether they love you or not are very convincing and know how to get your sympathy. They know you from the relationship and from how you have told him how you feel. I found my xagf repeating to me what I had told her about how I was feeling earlier on, whether she did...i doubt it but who knows. It hurt knowing she might be in that much pain because I could relate. After thinking about it who really knows what the he!! addicts truely feel and its not important. What is important is how well you feel and how well you recover from this BS. If being in contact is what your considering I would say look at yourself right now, that was Friday and Saturday and your strength is already down again. Your doing fine, I vote no contact.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
js glad to hear that you are going to a meeting today, don't know if this is your first. i believe that there are some who still live in addiction and are learning coping skills, but i also believe that the more you work your program the answers that you seek for your life will become so much clearer, so i don't think that unless you are ready, you don't have to make any decisions today. try if you can to just stay in the day and take care of you, one day at a time and allow time to work things out or not for you and him. keeping you and your in my prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
Yes this will be my first meeting. I will try not to talk to him even though I know it is VERY hard! Thanks for the encouragement that things will become clearer as I work the program! I sure hope so!!! I hope the decisions I make in the near future won't be as hard as the decisions I am making now. I hope it gets easier!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
He called again last night I talked to him for about 5 minutes. He does construction and said he didn't go to work today because he hates doing concrete work. I was thinking in my head I really don't want someone that isn't motivated to not have any goals in his life and can just decide not to go to work. Which who knows how long he will keep this job. So instead of being mad that he didn't go to work I was actually feeling like whatever - not my problem anymore. It felt good to feel that way. Even though we have had minimal contact I hope that I am doing better and making good decisions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
Well today it has been 3 weeks since I broke it off with my boyfriend - now we don't talk at all. I think I finally realized I am much better off without him. My self esteem is MUCH better right now!! I know I can do better and don't have to settle for someone that has tons of issues that are out of my control. Well the other day I did something that is just not me! But glad I did it! I think I am finally breaking out of my shell.
I was driving next to this guy and we kept passing each other and looking at each other on the freeway then I took an exit and he did as well so he was behind me then I passed him again and when he was turning off he waived I was watching in my rear view mirror so I waived back. I was telling my friend about it he was like you should go put a note on his car. Well I did it!! I found where he works the street he turned on to didn't have very many businesses on that road. On the note I told him it was nice racing with you you should email me and gave him my email address. Well he emailed me!! He said he was surprised and happy to find the note! So the last couple days we have been emailing each other back and forth. My ex just quit his job, lives with his mom, doesn't have a car and I heard from a friend that he is now trading video games for drugs that is how bad he is. Well guess what this guy that I have been emailing with is a Dr.! He is finishing up his residency in 9 weeks. Has a car and a motorcylce as well and seems like he has his life together and has goals! He wants to be a Nuerosurgeon. Was a fire fighter for 7 years.
Well I just had to share my exciting news!! I don't want to get my hopes up or anything but just think it is a great start and I think my new self esteem is starting to shine through!! I have even had some of my closest friends tell me that they can see a change in me the last couple of weeks.
I was driving next to this guy and we kept passing each other and looking at each other on the freeway then I took an exit and he did as well so he was behind me then I passed him again and when he was turning off he waived I was watching in my rear view mirror so I waived back. I was telling my friend about it he was like you should go put a note on his car. Well I did it!! I found where he works the street he turned on to didn't have very many businesses on that road. On the note I told him it was nice racing with you you should email me and gave him my email address. Well he emailed me!! He said he was surprised and happy to find the note! So the last couple days we have been emailing each other back and forth. My ex just quit his job, lives with his mom, doesn't have a car and I heard from a friend that he is now trading video games for drugs that is how bad he is. Well guess what this guy that I have been emailing with is a Dr.! He is finishing up his residency in 9 weeks. Has a car and a motorcylce as well and seems like he has his life together and has goals! He wants to be a Nuerosurgeon. Was a fire fighter for 7 years.
Well I just had to share my exciting news!! I don't want to get my hopes up or anything but just think it is a great start and I think my new self esteem is starting to shine through!! I have even had some of my closest friends tell me that they can see a change in me the last couple of weeks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Washington state
Posts: 20
We had been emailing each other back and forth for a week now and he just emailed me and told me he is MARRIED!!! Yeah so owell back to square one but at least I did come out of my shell and actually made an attempt. He said he didn't want any miscommunications and that he wanted to tell me up front. Well he probably shouldn't have emailed me in the first place. There are other fish in the sea!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
To add to anvilhead.......Give yourself the gift of not giving him the time of day...or waisting your precious time...Addicts know just how to crush a person or at least try...Again no communication was the only way...talking with xagf was like saying you quit smoking while hiding in a closet smoking a couple of cigs a day...until cold turkey your never really through and for me cold turkey is the only way...Don't worry about him jsjohnson...I am sure his marraige like many others now adays will not last because to me a person like that can never truely love another person enough to devote themselves to thier well being and happiness...you luck out losing him whether you feel like it now or not...someday you will feel your good fortune. Take care
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