Free At Last

We have spoken since this last fall out. he is stressed about work and I have hurt his feelings because I am having a hard time dealing with the fact he needs to hide out when things get to much. It is the same thing all over again. But because I said something it is me not him. I agree but need to think things through and be sure I can accept and not want to change him. He calls hen he needs to vent but to talk about are we going to work through it or not is not on bhis agenda. He has not clled today. I had to call last night. I thought maybe he would say are you coming over this weekend to talk about things and move forward but nothing. he said the day had drained him. HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!!! I want to call and move on or not. But so long as I continue to call it gives him the sick control where he cannot be bothered. Buit by god as soon as I stop calling for a minute or a wewek he will be blowing up my phone. I guess the point is I do not want to drag this out. it makes my heart hurt. if you let him go uneasy and unsure about us for to long it is a mouontain to go up to get it all back in line. So I want to call to know. I can make other plans but what if this starts all over again. i do not want to go back to square one. Seem s a little absurd that i feel that way. He saud he did not give up he is still there. But because I have voiced my opinion and "caused" the breakup he will milk this for all it is worth. HELP??????? Do I call him or start all over with no contact

Cynay

You dont need his opinion/permission to make a decision about if you want to be in the relationship.... What do you want?

Going back to square one is not always a bad idea..... starting over, fresh start... but what is the point unless something changes?? So either he has to change the behavior of hiding or you need to change the behavior of caring if he hides. Change does not happen often with words... it takes action.

So I guess the question is... what do you want, what is acceptable to you?

Cynay

Oh... one other thing...

For me that is a huge red flag. Relationships are not about manupliation/control... they are about respect, trust and love and committing to that.

guineapigjude

Free, can realate because my AH is so similar. He wanted nothing to do with me, so I backed off and just talk to him about divorce stuff and kids ~ no personal contact. Suddenly he's doing backflips to try and get me to acknowledge him on a personal level. Before I would've latched onto that and built up hope for change, but after enough rides on the rollercoaster, I just had to let go. Your AH might very well be totally different, but whatever you decide go into it with your eyes wide opento protect your heart as best you can. I'll be thinking of you!