This night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
This night
is Friday. I remember old Friday nights. I would be out till late and by the time I got home, everyone would be in bed. My oldest daughter would babysit. If she wanted to go out I would say she couldn't cos I had had such a tough week. Hmmm - mostly drinking made it tuff. I would flop into bed and wake up sick. I would wake early from the sugar low and take painkillers. I would blame stress. I would blame my ex. I would blame all the yukky things that happened in my life. I never blamed alcohol.
Now this week was tuff! I worked hard. It was non stop but I made it to 6 meetings. It was busy and difficult and I am very tired.
Tonight I have to stay up late because I have to be a taxi. That's what solo Mums do. I will go and pick up my second daughter from a school dance at 10.30. My oldest is out having dinner with her friends.
I could sit here and feel sorry for myself. I could say to myself - how come they get to go out and I have to stay home? I could wish that I was out drinking with "mates". I could complain that I have a big job that keeps me very busy. I have three children to take care of on my own. My ex boyfreind (who I will always love very much) chose booze over me and is out drinking and womanising again. He moved out and I am alone to cope with large spiders and empty heavy gas bottles on the stove. All that is probably worth a bit of a sulk.
But - I will go and pick up my daughter at 10.30 on a Friday night. She has a friend staying with her for the night. First time in a very long time. She said she loved me out loud when I dropped her off at the dance.
I will go and pick up my daughter at 10.30 on a friday night. Maybe if I say it enough times it will seem real. I am just sooooooooooooooo grateful and pleased to be able to do that.
Yea. so.. anyhooo.
Day 18 is pretty damned good.
Now this week was tuff! I worked hard. It was non stop but I made it to 6 meetings. It was busy and difficult and I am very tired.
Tonight I have to stay up late because I have to be a taxi. That's what solo Mums do. I will go and pick up my second daughter from a school dance at 10.30. My oldest is out having dinner with her friends.
I could sit here and feel sorry for myself. I could say to myself - how come they get to go out and I have to stay home? I could wish that I was out drinking with "mates". I could complain that I have a big job that keeps me very busy. I have three children to take care of on my own. My ex boyfreind (who I will always love very much) chose booze over me and is out drinking and womanising again. He moved out and I am alone to cope with large spiders and empty heavy gas bottles on the stove. All that is probably worth a bit of a sulk.
But - I will go and pick up my daughter at 10.30 on a Friday night. She has a friend staying with her for the night. First time in a very long time. She said she loved me out loud when I dropped her off at the dance.
I will go and pick up my daughter at 10.30 on a friday night. Maybe if I say it enough times it will seem real. I am just sooooooooooooooo grateful and pleased to be able to do that.
Yea. so.. anyhooo.
Day 18 is pretty damned good.
came-came to-came to believe
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,116
Hi Steph-congrats on 18 days 
I absolutely relate to being the "taxi". I have to schlep lots of folks around for various reasons. I do sense gratitude in your post of being sober and having the opportunity to be there for your family.
Tonight, they will be aware that you are there for them-how cool!
~Have a great sober day
I absolutely relate to being the "taxi". I have to schlep lots of folks around for various reasons. I do sense gratitude in your post of being sober and having the opportunity to be there for your family.
Tonight, they will be aware that you are there for them-how cool!
~Have a great sober day
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Steph,
I hear so much growth in your posts and it's really gratifying.
I enjoy being a sober, responsible Mom too. I don't see my eldest girl anymore, but I hope that changes in time. A good reason to stay sober.
Thanks for sharing and well done on your 18 days!
Rowan xoxo
I hear so much growth in your posts and it's really gratifying.
I enjoy being a sober, responsible Mom too. I don't see my eldest girl anymore, but I hope that changes in time. A good reason to stay sober.
Thanks for sharing
and well done on your 18 days! Rowan xoxo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Thanks Cali and Rowan
I am grateful. I am safe and warm and I have eaten and soon I will go and gather my brood back to my nest (and a spare in my safekeeping). I used to love being a Mum and making a safe happy home. It seems a long time ago now but I am loving it tonight more than ever. My friends and love are drunk and doing things they will regret tomorrow. I am so grateful not to be watching them like a masochist while they flirt and carry on and I am so grateful not to be doing that with them and not to be feeling all the anger and fear that goes with it. Spiders are nothing compared to that.
I was talking to Stone earlier about numbers that no one cares much about. Poor old 18 doesn't seem like a magic number but for me it is tonight.
I am grateful. I am safe and warm and I have eaten and soon I will go and gather my brood back to my nest (and a spare in my safekeeping). I used to love being a Mum and making a safe happy home. It seems a long time ago now but I am loving it tonight more than ever. My friends and love are drunk and doing things they will regret tomorrow. I am so grateful not to be watching them like a masochist while they flirt and carry on and I am so grateful not to be doing that with them and not to be feeling all the anger and fear that goes with it. Spiders are nothing compared to that.
I was talking to Stone earlier about numbers that no one cares much about. Poor old 18 doesn't seem like a magic number but for me it is tonight.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi hope. Thanks for being with me tonight. Goodness knows what the time is there. You must be an early riser! I hope you have a wonderful sober Friday too.
I was driving home and saw my ex staggering out of a taxi. I stopped and asked "so what time do you call this then?". He had said he was going for a "couple" at 5pm and it was 10.40pm. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't even seem to recognise me for a while.
My daughter gave me a high five and told me that it was cool that I sprung him. I am not happy about it and I feel nothing but pity. It is no life that hell. I am grateful to have seen him to be reminded.
Is there another word meaning grateful? I think I am going to overuse it.
I was driving home and saw my ex staggering out of a taxi. I stopped and asked "so what time do you call this then?". He had said he was going for a "couple" at 5pm and it was 10.40pm. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't even seem to recognise me for a while.
My daughter gave me a high five and told me that it was cool that I sprung him. I am not happy about it and I feel nothing but pity. It is no life that hell. I am grateful to have seen him to be reminded.
Is there another word meaning grateful? I think I am going to overuse it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Your recovery is shining like a Ray of Light! 18 days or ten thousand and 18 days..all we have is this day sober. Thanks for your share here today/tonight. Its sweet and, as Rowan said, gratifying to share your journey.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Soon you will forget this night but your daughter won't!
You are replacing her negetive experiences with positive ones!
Sober Friday nights can be f special too....eat out...catch a movie
do a bubble bath or polish your nails. Pamper the new you.
Glad to see your 18 winning days!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 53
Steph,
Please keep up the good work. You have so much at stake. This post is so bittersweet. Your challenge is a great one. But your children sound so ready to stand with you it is quite beautiful. I don't know you yet I am very proud of you.
Best Wishes.
Please keep up the good work. You have so much at stake. This post is so bittersweet. Your challenge is a great one. But your children sound so ready to stand with you it is quite beautiful. I don't know you yet I am very proud of you.
Best Wishes.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Originally Posted by Pilgrim 
It was non stop but I made it to 6 meetings. It was busy and difficult and I am very tired.
I love the life I have in sobriety with my two children, love taking them to meetings, love being a sober participant in their lives, love it, love it, love it!!!
Stick with it, it gets even better!
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