Spiritual Seeker

I have come to know that if we are open to it, there is a "silver lining" when involved with an addict ( for me AS ). It is so easy to hold a spotlight on "them" for obvious reasons. When we pan out with the spotlight, there is a lot in the family and with ourselves to focus on as well that's been swept under the rug for a long time. I am ever so thankful that my son's addiction brought me to my knees. For only that pain provided the sea change necessary for me to understand that I too needed to change and find a better way to conduct my life by seeking spiritual growth & emotional growth. I hope to keep changing as life goes on. When we change there is a natural ripple effect with the rest of the family. One that we don't have to force, manipulate or control.
Pain truly can be the great teacher so I no longer fear it, I embrace it.
While unable to help my son at this time, I was able to reach out with compassion to my alcoholic stepdad, after I brought his bottom up to him with a restraining order.
I took him to AA mtgs., took his phone calls and was able to love him and lead him to a better way. He is sober 8 mos. now. We often have influence by example, compassion and emotional availability. We can leave the anger + control in the past.

parentrecovers

what a thoughtful post, spiritual seeker. thanks so much for sharing, k

Cynay

Amen

I have to say for me...... Pain is the teacher that gets my attention the most. Love runs a close second though.

Thanks for this post.... your right, if I feel it, embrace it and stop fearing pain I will get through it much quicker and probably having learned much more.

Lobo

Thank you Spritual, That was very uplifting. I needed that today. I agree it did make me more spiritual. I will re-read your thread........a true inspiration.

Blessings............Lo

MsPINKAcres

I see this effect is some of my family - especially in some of my daughters.

I know that the first part of their lives, as their Mother, I gave them some really bad examples of how to handle life - thankfully Recovery is giving me the opportunity to show them a better way - by just doing the Next Right Thing and most of the time, it is my actions not my words.

Peace,
Rita

Spiritual Seeker

When we know better we do better. With recovery we stand a chance to stop the cycle.

best

A danger in thinking that "we" can bring anyone to find their bottom can bring about a long hard battle within. We can't change others. By changing self, others may see the change but it is still their choices that have them seek change.

As for what you did when he was ready to change...WOW! Great job.

Spiritual Seeker

Without my intervening by having my step-dad taken away by police with clothes on his back, 3 yr. restraining order, and divorce papers filed all within two weeks, on my mom's behalf, there is no doubt, my mom would still be living with an abusive drunk. Was my stepdad tired of being sick and tired, yes. Did the intervention followed by showing a better way lead to his sobriety, absolutely. He did the work to get sober, but if he hadn't at least my mom was safe as she couln't do that for herself also without my intervening. Thankfully I had recovery tools to understand the things I can control and the things I can't.

patchoulli

you are an inspiration...thank you

Spiritual Seeker

ESH, that's what it is all about. The power of sharing is truly transforming.

calabash

That is how I feel as an addict. I am grateful to be an addict. My Rock Bottom forced me to seek a new way to live. Today, I am happier than I was before. I had to changer, resisted, and then God gave me a choice. Continue using and die, or change your life and LIVE.

I choose Life

I am truly grateful.

Hangin' In

Life and working the 12 step program have taught me:

1. I get reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal teachable when I'm in pain

2. I can't change or help anyone else into recovery. I can only change and help me.

3. My changed behavior (which is for the better I must say...golly pete, I had no where to go but UP) HAS affected my family. Our relationships are better. But here's the deal: I have one addicted daugther and one "regular" (what is regular anyway?) daughter. AD embraces a program of recovery. Regular daughter digs her heels in and refuses to try any type of recovery program. Now I'm not saying she HAS to do it my way. Everyone has to choose THEIR OWN path at THEIR OWN time, when they are ready. Regular daughter isn't ready to get honest and face some painful things that have gone in her life and I cannot get her there any faster.

So my changed behavior has improved the relationships in my family. But what each person in my family does is their business. I have a tall enough order keeping myself straight. I have to stay in my OWN hula hoop and let others find their path. I can set an example of what recovery looks like but I can't make anyone else get it. And I've found when I try to "lead" them, whoa buddy. They buck. And what makes me realize that I don't need to try and "help" someone else into recovery is when I think about when someone tries to get me to do something I'm not ready to do. I buck, too.

It's all in God's timing...........not my plan, but His.