MeggieStar

Er! Where did this come from? AH went into rehab on 5/11 and committed to staying 30 days. I expect he will get out this weekend although I have not spoken to him since Sunday visitation. It's amazing to think how much my life has changed in just a month. I am working full time now, as well as going to school and doing a play. I've adjusted to being a single Mom.

It's perfectly normal to feel this apprehensive. After all, he will not be under my roof and basically I have to hand him $800 (his money) and say "go!" My AH has never ONCE been able to have money in his pocket without using. I suppose I'm not worried about that so much...I just think I don't want the drama trying to creep it's way back into my life.

My main issue today is that I am feeling so nervous. Usually my AH has called me at least once during the middle of the week to report what is going on with him. He hasn't called this week. So it's been five days since we've spoken and I dont' know if he's staying there or leaving in two days or what! And while I know technically this is none of my business, today I am overwhelmed with a sense of missing him and wishing I could hear his voice. The first few days he was gone I felt like this...couldn't call him, couldn't reach him. Made me sick inside.

Today I am feeling sick inside again, why?? I know he's not coming home, I know he may well relapse the first day, I know feeling this way does me no good. I am trying to think about it as little as possible. I know what will be will be. I am taking good care of myself and my son, with nothing to do with him. I am not afraid of doing it alone, I'm not afraid of him getting out that much... i just....miss him I guess. Maybe I'm nervous because it will be so much harder to stay separated when he is "out" than when he is "in." Maybe I'm scared I won't stay strong.

I will though, I have to. I have a plan, I've been following through. I guess I am just nervous of developing expectations for him (which I don't want to but the more I am around him will probably happen) and then having those expectations blown to bits.

Does this make sense? I don't even know for sure when he's getting out! I just wish he would call already.

I feel much better already just getting this out. Thanks!

parentrecovers

let go and let god, meggiestar. and get to as many alanon meetings as you can! blessings, k

liesagain

no advise................just know your not alone

cece1960

It makes perfect sense Meggie.
Up until now the environment was controlled...making it a bit easier to align your expectations. Now each of you will need to make decisions, some of them hard, as things occur.
That, of course is scary as heck.
If it feels like its getting thick, think back to how difficult it was living in the chaos, and how nice its been to not have it it your life.
My prayers are with the both of you, that you both finds paths of peace in the upcoming months.
((((Hugs)))
Cece

outonalimb

((((Meggie))))

Your feelings make alot of sense. You're entering into uncharted territory now. You are going to have to redefine your relationship with AH in the real world, work hard to keep your expectations in check, and the focus where it needs to be...on you and your son. Thats a whole lot to think about.

Just try to stay in today. Who knows what the future holds but as long as you keep the focus on you and your recovery, than you'll be able to deal with whatever comes along. Just look back at everything you've been through already...and you're still standing. You didn't just 'survive' the insanity and chaos, you managed to turn things around dramatically in such a short period of time.

You can handle this Meggie...You can. And remember, you've got a while bunch of us walking beside you.

Hugs and strength...

BigSis

Feelings are not facts... hard for ME to remember, sometimes.

The fact you have not heard from him today could well be a "God Thing". After all, you know you are feeling vulnerable... perhaps your HP is taking temptation out of your reach.

You are in my prayers, Meggie. Always.

(((hugs)))

hope213

you will be fine. turn him over to his H.P.& remember you have your life back.you can make it what you want it to be.you have got so much going on good for you.sending prayer for you both & hugs to you, hope

Here_I_Am

Just sending hugs Meggie. You are always in my thoughts. Hang in there!
J

mooselips

((((Meggie))))
It's hard NOT to worry.
But you are strong, Meggie.
And you have a lot of recovery.
Yes, you do..

I know even though you've made your decision, I
hope this time he will stay on the road to recovery.



I have my fingers crossed,
and prayers for you, him,
and the little fella.

greeteachday

It makes so much sense...that time in rehab can be such a healing time for us too and then we get as scared and nervous about tomorrow as the addict does going back into the real world.

I think it's great that you are sharing your feelings...they are valid and I know I've been there. So glad you are keeping busy and adjusting to all this change. How's the new job? Keeping you and yours in my prayers.

splendra

((((Meggie))))

forgottenchild

*hugs*. you're not alone, and you're in my prayers.

Ann

(((Meggie))) Just sending a hug and prayers that when the time comes you will know the right thing to do for you and your son. It's an emotional situation, but you are strong in your recovery and no longer ruled simply by emotions, but a combination of compassion and common sense.

Hugs