Language of Letting Go - June 7 (A favourite of mine)
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - June 7 (A favourite of mine)
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
--Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. It will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
--Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. It will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This reading from Language of Letting Go, is probably my favourite ever. It's on the "stickies" here somewhere and one that truly spoke to me the first time I read it and it still serves as a reminder that I cannot control anyone else, no matter how much I love them and care.
I think I was stuck in my codependency for so long because I really thought I could save my son. I thought if I loved him enough, gave him a safe place to be, gave him opportunities to work and live a clean life....that it would be enough to save him from his addiction. I thought I would be "the one" to save him from himself.
It just doesn't work that way. All it did was enable him by giving him all the comforts of home while he continued using his drug. There were no consequences, there was no bottom for him because each time he "fell" I provided a soft landing.
As much as a surprise all this was, it was also a relief to know that none of it was even about "me". Addiction is just so much bigger than even the love in a mother's heart. All it did was drag me down with him and make me crazy.
My survival has depended on my turning the care of my son over to God each morning and then living my day in faith that he would be led to where he was supposed to be. That is enough, that is all I can do and no more.
Hugs
I think I was stuck in my codependency for so long because I really thought I could save my son. I thought if I loved him enough, gave him a safe place to be, gave him opportunities to work and live a clean life....that it would be enough to save him from his addiction. I thought I would be "the one" to save him from himself.
It just doesn't work that way. All it did was enable him by giving him all the comforts of home while he continued using his drug. There were no consequences, there was no bottom for him because each time he "fell" I provided a soft landing.
As much as a surprise all this was, it was also a relief to know that none of it was even about "me". Addiction is just so much bigger than even the love in a mother's heart. All it did was drag me down with him and make me crazy.
My survival has depended on my turning the care of my son over to God each morning and then living my day in faith that he would be led to where he was supposed to be. That is enough, that is all I can do and no more.
Hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i love this too.we can not save our children or our loved one from this sickness. i am so glad i have recovery in my life. i hope to see the day my son will have it in his & come to know the man that lies within all of this addiction.untill that day comes i find releif in knowing that my H.P. is looking after him everyday.i too can go on with my everyday life knowing i have done my best. thank you for this post this morning.i wish each have a blessed day.prayers for all our addicts everywhere.
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