jennchip

I posted this in a previous reply on another thread and in another chat and I still need answers...

When does the light bulb pop on?

My husband is an addict, drugs and alcohol, in denial. He spent 5 days in detox with an outcome of a cocaine and alcohol abuse diagnosis. However, his mother is in serious denial, saying that he only did it "once" and that he is not an addict.

Meanwhile, she is blaming me for our marital problems, keeping the kids from her and him and spreading gossip about her son. She is also enabling him by letting him live with her free and clear.

Hello!...He is currently going through treatment in an outpatient program. He attends 4 days a week for 3 hour sessions. She is well aware of that!!!!

All the blame is being placed on me...I sent him to detox...I sent him to rehab...I caused our family to break down, etc...etc..

When does she at least realize there is a problem?

I know that it is hard for parents to realize some truths about thier children. I am a mother too, but come on. Isn't the truth as real as black or white? Right or wrong? One time or hundreds of times? He is an addict with a problem.

prodigal

Sometimes the light bulb never turns on for some folks. The bulb is burned out and nobody bothered to go to the store and buy a replacement. It's possible she's blaming everything on you because to accept her son for what he is would make her think she failed as a mother. Of course, that isn't true, anymore than you failed him as a wife. He made the choice to become addicted. It is obvious she would prefer to blame you instead of taking care of her own business.

I hope there is some way you can minimize contact with her. Frankly, she sounds as if she's taken on the behaviors of an addict: blaming somebody else for her own misery.

Spiritual Seeker

Don't worry about mother-in-law cause she is sick too. Change the things you can and that is yourself. Sounds like you are trying to get a healthy mind and worrying about her does nothing. When you are able to shine in your recovery and do what is best for your kids you are accompllishing what needs to be done.

Astro

He is, sounds like they're both living in denial, but take it from another alcoholic, you can't change or control his or his Mom's behavior.

Keep the focus on yourself and your well-being, let them live in their own misery. Have you tried Al-Anon or CoDA meetings? Sometimes it helps to learn that there are others with issues similar to your own. Just a suggestion, I wish you the best in your recovery.

Cynay

Might be time to turn that channel for now.

MIL is sick, and that is probably her fear talking. Its hard for a Mother to admitt things because they feel it is a direct reflection of her as a parent. I know there are times my daughter does things and I cringe.

Not your business.... Just keep the focus and take care of you and the kids... he/she will do what they will.

Latte

MIL may be CoD too.

She does not live your life so live yours. Does your the program your AH is in have family support?

Much luck to you.