Sick to my stomach and need some words to calm me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Sick to my stomach and need some words to calm me
Ugh... abf had his phone turned off for not paying the bill.
The wife of a man he works with just told me that he went to pick up his paycheck on Monday. HE does not drive so he would have only had that girl that he does drugs with take him to get it. If he didn't need it so bad for drugs he would not have gotten it Monday and would have waited till it was mailed to him on Wednesday.
This information alone is devestating. Despite knowing what addicts do and coming to terms with much of the disease some things still really cut deep. I feel so sick to my stomach now- so angry- so disgusted. Makes me not want anything to do with him but at the same time am grieving for the loss in my life. He may have never been the person I thought he was...
He didn't go to work yesterday. I keep thinking nauseating thoughts about him drugs, this girl, sitting at his house all day. I feel so incredibly awful. I do not even know if he is alive.
The wife of a man he works with just told me that he went to pick up his paycheck on Monday. HE does not drive so he would have only had that girl that he does drugs with take him to get it. If he didn't need it so bad for drugs he would not have gotten it Monday and would have waited till it was mailed to him on Wednesday.
This information alone is devestating. Despite knowing what addicts do and coming to terms with much of the disease some things still really cut deep. I feel so sick to my stomach now- so angry- so disgusted. Makes me not want anything to do with him but at the same time am grieving for the loss in my life. He may have never been the person I thought he was...
He didn't go to work yesterday. I keep thinking nauseating thoughts about him drugs, this girl, sitting at his house all day. I feel so incredibly awful. I do not even know if he is alive.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You're right, he was not the man you thought; you will mourn the loss of that dream. Now that you can "see" the man that he is, you know what ya have to do ???? Many women ignore the red flags until they become bells and whistles.
Luckily for you, they are not wedding bells. Wishing you strength.
Luckily for you, they are not wedding bells. Wishing you strength.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm so sorry that you are going through this, nobody and i do mean nobody deserves this and surely not you hk, believe me i do feel your pain, i don't have much advice for you right now but i can pray a serious special prayer for you. try not to allow him to do these things to you for much longer, the longer he does them, seems like the harder it may be for you to break away from all the insanity of it. trust me, i think i can qualify to at least say that much. love ya
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Originally Posted by HKAngel24 
He may have never been the person I thought he was...
Mine was not the man I thought he was either. However, I quit feeling bad the moment I found out the whole story.. side GF, cheating AND drugs.
I have never felt bad once since and I am not looking back. Hope you get there real soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it is really difficult but focusing thoughts on what may be happening with him will only drive you crazy. Try to do some nice things for you...things that take your mind off of him at least for awhile. It takes time to get through the grief, but I know you deserve so much better than this. Hugs
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
It's so normal to grieve for the loss of the love you had. Even if you still love him. Losing a partner to drugs is as bad as losing him to cancer sometimes...it just hurts.
It will get better. When my AH has been out, using, have been some of my darkest days. But I tried hard to focus on me and my son and I tried to believe that every day would carry my AH closer to his bottom, and possibly , to recovery.
Hugs!
It will get better. When my AH has been out, using, have been some of my darkest days. But I tried hard to focus on me and my son and I tried to believe that every day would carry my AH closer to his bottom, and possibly , to recovery.
Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Why the bleep do I feel rejected? It's so insanely ridiculous. It's as though I WANT him to actually care about our relationship and the fact that he doesn't makes me feel unworthy?
Why do I want him to care about losing me when I know he's an addict??
Why do I want him to care about losing me when I know he's an addict??
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Addicts have the unique ability to only care about themselves. He is not doing it to you, he is just doing it cause that's what addicts do. You know this cuz ya been livin it. Pick yourself up and listen to some happy music, go out with a friend. Life goes on and on and on.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
((((HK))))
Your feelings are normal...but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.
He picked up his paycheck Monday....chances are he's doing just fine by his standards.
Our minds tend to want to jump to the worse possible outcome, and all the while we are the ones hurting...not them.
And we don't deserve to hurt like this.
This may be a goos time to cut communication with his work people, wives etc. The less you know the less you can dwell on.
Prayers for peace...you deserve it.
((((Hugs)))
Cece
Your feelings are normal...but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.
He picked up his paycheck Monday....chances are he's doing just fine by his standards.
Our minds tend to want to jump to the worse possible outcome, and all the while we are the ones hurting...not them.
And we don't deserve to hurt like this.
This may be a goos time to cut communication with his work people, wives etc. The less you know the less you can dwell on.
Prayers for peace...you deserve it.
((((Hugs)))
Cece
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hate you are feeling the pain of this right now.
Hope that you are to give yourself a BIG dose of self-care, and remind yourself - His actions are not about you - the disease won't allow him to think about anything or anyone but himself.
Take good care of YOU.
Peace,
Rita
Hope that you are to give yourself a BIG dose of self-care, and remind yourself - His actions are not about you - the disease won't allow him to think about anything or anyone but himself.
Take good care of YOU.
Peace,
Rita
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