Going to Jail and Lost Girlfriend due to drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 16
Going to Jail and Lost Girlfriend due to drinking
I'm 22 and never considered myself an alcoholic. I've been drinking since I was 14 and like most people my age drink is a big part of my life. I knew I was a heavy drinker but not an alcoholic.
At school I did OK and got a steady job as a plumber but looking back I know I didn't make the most of it and eventually got fired after turning up late after a night's drinking. I got another job alright and managed to hold that down until recently.
I got caught over the limit twice and got fined and my license suspended and did community service. I am going back to court in 2 weeks on an assault charge and have been told I'll be getting sentenced to 12-18 months.
I only now realise that all the trouble I've been in is due to drinking - the fight I had happened when I was drunk and lost it. I know what I've put my family through as I'm the only one to have been in trouble with the police and I am grateful taht they are sticking by me (just about).
I had a great girlfriend who is pregnant with our child but now doesn't want anything to do with me and has ended it with me. Our kid is due in 2 months and assuming I'm in jail I doubt if I will get to see him/her.
I still don't really think I'm an alcoholic but know that my drinking has caused all sorts of problems for me but I really think that I am OK when I control it. I've been to an AA meeting here but didn't go back.
I've just been thinking where I am in life and I know it doesn't look good. At the same time I'm really worried about prison and what that is going to be like and how I'll cope. My family are standing by me as I said but are saying that prison might be what I need to get my life sorted. It doesn't seem that way for me.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did things work out? I'm only 22 so I know I have a lot of my life ahead but at the moment things look really bad.
At school I did OK and got a steady job as a plumber but looking back I know I didn't make the most of it and eventually got fired after turning up late after a night's drinking. I got another job alright and managed to hold that down until recently.
I got caught over the limit twice and got fined and my license suspended and did community service. I am going back to court in 2 weeks on an assault charge and have been told I'll be getting sentenced to 12-18 months.
I only now realise that all the trouble I've been in is due to drinking - the fight I had happened when I was drunk and lost it. I know what I've put my family through as I'm the only one to have been in trouble with the police and I am grateful taht they are sticking by me (just about).
I had a great girlfriend who is pregnant with our child but now doesn't want anything to do with me and has ended it with me. Our kid is due in 2 months and assuming I'm in jail I doubt if I will get to see him/her.
I still don't really think I'm an alcoholic but know that my drinking has caused all sorts of problems for me but I really think that I am OK when I control it. I've been to an AA meeting here but didn't go back.
I've just been thinking where I am in life and I know it doesn't look good. At the same time I'm really worried about prison and what that is going to be like and how I'll cope. My family are standing by me as I said but are saying that prison might be what I need to get my life sorted. It doesn't seem that way for me.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did things work out? I'm only 22 so I know I have a lot of my life ahead but at the moment things look really bad.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
It sounds to me like you believe you can control your drinking. If you can control your drinking, then you are not an alcoholic. I tried for years to control my drinking and it never worked for me. Before long, it would be out of control and I'd be spiralling downward. I would ask you this - if you can control your drinking, then why are you having the problems in your life that you're having right now?
I am glad that your family is standing by you and their support should be valuable to you, especially if you go to jail.
It sounds to me like you believe you can control your drinking. If you can control your drinking, then you are not an alcoholic. I tried for years to control my drinking and it never worked for me. Before long, it would be out of control and I'd be spiralling downward. I would ask you this - if you can control your drinking, then why are you having the problems in your life that you're having right now?
I am glad that your family is standing by you and their support should be valuable to you, especially if you go to jail.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 14
Hey Paul, everyone has their ups and downs. Sometimes we don't learn unless it's the hard way, it seems that everything that has recently happend has opened your eyes and made you realize you have a problem, atleast your drinking causes problems. Things will always work out in the end, if not it's just not the end. I'm only 21 and I'm struggling with a cocaine/alcohol problem, I lost a girlfriend I loved dearly over it, but I have hope and faith. I know the first step to having a better life for myself is helping myself and stopping my addictions. But yes Paul things will work out man but it's up to you to make it happen, no one else can do it for you. Hope this helps man
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm glad you're here, Paul, despite the circumstances that brought you to this site.
Alcohol is obviously creating considerable difficulties in your life - I hope you get help and decide to get sober while you are still young.
I hope you keep posting. There IS hope.
Rowan
Alcohol is obviously creating considerable difficulties in your life - I hope you get help and decide to get sober while you are still young.
I hope you keep posting. There IS hope.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: noneya
Posts: 5
Hi, paul. Take a little advice from me, and think about your life, very hard right now. I have been drinking for a very long time, and i'm still young. Drinking has messed up my life, made me lose people i love over and over. I hope you make the right decision for your life now, before you go through years and years of this.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: MN
Posts: 65
Hi Paul. Welcome, and thanks for posting. Hang in there... things will work out and you'll live through the consequences, whatever they may turn out to be. One piece of info I'd like to offer.... I had trouble w/the law when I was young as well due to alcohol. Only I didn't heed the warnings. Now I'm 40 and facing the charges of my 3rd DWI and have a wake of alcohol related consequences that came about in those 20 years when I thought I could still control my drinking. When I think about all the goodness I could have reaped out of those 20 years had I been sober. My life would be so very different. I am who I am now and can't change the past of course, and I'm on the right path, but ... you have a big opportunity in front of you to make choices that will enhance your future.
I am glad your family is standing by you. That's is awesome.
Keeping you in my prayers. There is a ton of support here for you!
Kasha
I am glad your family is standing by you. That's is awesome.
Keeping you in my prayers. There is a ton of support here for you!
Kasha
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Hi Paul,
I am somewhat surprised that your drinking has caused all of these problems but that you do not consider yourself an alcoholic? Do you at least see yourself as a problem drinker? I mean man, those are a lot of problems due to drink!
I hope you get some perspective and can get through this with peace and grace.
Peace, Levi
I am somewhat surprised that your drinking has caused all of these problems but that you do not consider yourself an alcoholic? Do you at least see yourself as a problem drinker? I mean man, those are a lot of problems due to drink!
I hope you get some perspective and can get through this with peace and grace.
Peace, Levi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 16
Thanks for the welcome. It's weird but talking about these things on the net is good for me. It's harder to be honest about things in real life.
I know I have a problem but because I disn't need to drink every day didn't think I was an alcoholic but now I know that isn't always the way it is.
Before I always thought that getting into scrapes was a part of growing up but where I am now looking at jail an dlosing my girlfriend I know it's alot more serious than that and I am starting to look at things differently.
I've more or less stayed away from drink for the past few weeks to help with my sentencing reports and apart from smoking I don't do any other drugs. From reading on here lots of other people have been through tough times so it's good to know I'm not alone.
I know I have a problem but because I disn't need to drink every day didn't think I was an alcoholic but now I know that isn't always the way it is.
Before I always thought that getting into scrapes was a part of growing up but where I am now looking at jail an dlosing my girlfriend I know it's alot more serious than that and I am starting to look at things differently.
I've more or less stayed away from drink for the past few weeks to help with my sentencing reports and apart from smoking I don't do any other drugs. From reading on here lots of other people have been through tough times so it's good to know I'm not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: MN
Posts: 65
Hi Paul-
My problems started when I wasn't drinking every day, too. I think that's where my line of thinking was too about not having a problem, but before I knew it I was consumed by the disease. You are so not alone! Glad you are here.
My problems started when I wasn't drinking every day, too. I think that's where my line of thinking was too about not having a problem, but before I knew it I was consumed by the disease. You are so not alone! Glad you are here.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello paul, nice to meet you. you're lucky to be reliezing your addiction issues so young.
i have a daughter your age, and she is an alcoholic/addict. she also suffered many negative consequences because of alcohol and cocaine - legal, relationship, work, financial problems. she has been in recovery for the past 8 plus months, with one relapse. she goes to aa and has been to inpatient, outpatient, and halfway house treatment. her life is getting back on track, and it is a process that just takes time and hard work. we're (her family) are proud of her for all she has done this past year to improve her situation.
she tried many times to control her drinking and using, with no success. she had to stop completely to make any progress in her life.
are you in an area with a lot of aa meetings? any young people groups you can try?
keep posting! blessings, k
i have a daughter your age, and she is an alcoholic/addict. she also suffered many negative consequences because of alcohol and cocaine - legal, relationship, work, financial problems. she has been in recovery for the past 8 plus months, with one relapse. she goes to aa and has been to inpatient, outpatient, and halfway house treatment. her life is getting back on track, and it is a process that just takes time and hard work. we're (her family) are proud of her for all she has done this past year to improve her situation.
she tried many times to control her drinking and using, with no success. she had to stop completely to make any progress in her life.
are you in an area with a lot of aa meetings? any young people groups you can try?
keep posting! blessings, k
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
paul, welcome!!! speaking up takes courage, awesome!!!
suggestion: haviong close ties with the legal community, as well as being an alcoholic, whose life sucked when I drank, I can tell you, the courts LOVE IT when you take responsibilty and take proactive steps!
So, suggest you find all the local AA meetings, make up your own little attendance form, and each time you go, get it signed showing you attended a meeting.
While you may have thoughts or ideas of what AA is, lol, perhaps this is not the time to get stuck on it.
I know, FOR A FACT, IT WILL HELP YOUR CAUSE. Go to as many as possible, even two or three a day.
Stick around, the people here are awesome!!!
Tom
suggestion: haviong close ties with the legal community, as well as being an alcoholic, whose life sucked when I drank, I can tell you, the courts LOVE IT when you take responsibilty and take proactive steps!
So, suggest you find all the local AA meetings, make up your own little attendance form, and each time you go, get it signed showing you attended a meeting.
While you may have thoughts or ideas of what AA is, lol, perhaps this is not the time to get stuck on it.
I know, FOR A FACT, IT WILL HELP YOUR CAUSE. Go to as many as possible, even two or three a day.
Stick around, the people here are awesome!!!
Tom
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
I agree...those were really great suggestions that Tom gave.
I'm so sorry you're going through all that, Paul. I can imagine you must be stressed beyond belief. I know it seems like everyone is leaving your side, but I really think that once you change what's going on in your life, people eventually notice. And if they don't, you have to come to peace with yourself, regardless. Best wishes.
I'm so sorry you're going through all that, Paul. I can imagine you must be stressed beyond belief. I know it seems like everyone is leaving your side, but I really think that once you change what's going on in your life, people eventually notice. And if they don't, you have to come to peace with yourself, regardless. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
Hi, Paul.
Welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time in your life. I know this is easier said than done, but try looking at this (all of the stress and craziness that is going on in your life right now) as an opportunity. This is a chance for you to redirect the course of your life. Clearly you weren't headed in the best direction if you've wound up in this much trouble. This is your chance to turn it around. Sometimes we need a wake-up call, even if it is harsher than we'd like. No matter what happens in court, with your girlfriend, or anything else, you have this chance to find a more meaningful way of life. Consider yourself lucky, God's given you a warning of sorts... but heed it... as an alcoholic, I know that things will continue to get worse unless you stop drinking. Very best of luck.
BTW, I'm 23. If you decide you are an alcoholic, you definitely are not alone... there are others our age in AA.
Welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time in your life. I know this is easier said than done, but try looking at this (all of the stress and craziness that is going on in your life right now) as an opportunity. This is a chance for you to redirect the course of your life. Clearly you weren't headed in the best direction if you've wound up in this much trouble. This is your chance to turn it around. Sometimes we need a wake-up call, even if it is harsher than we'd like. No matter what happens in court, with your girlfriend, or anything else, you have this chance to find a more meaningful way of life. Consider yourself lucky, God's given you a warning of sorts... but heed it... as an alcoholic, I know that things will continue to get worse unless you stop drinking. Very best of luck.
BTW, I'm 23. If you decide you are an alcoholic, you definitely are not alone... there are others our age in AA.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Originally Posted by Rowan 
You're definitely not alone, Paul.
BTW, I wasn't a daily drinker either - but I got into some real messes almost every time I did.
BTW, I wasn't a daily drinker either - but I got into some real messes almost every time I did.
I hope you find something that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Paul,
I am 45. I wish to God that somehow, someway, I had realized that I had a drinking problem at such a young age as you are. I am happy you are already wrestling with this as opposed to waiting until you are my age or older to deal with it.
I am sorry you are going to jail, but please give AA a chance. In my case it was nothing like I thought it would be. In your case you will have some time on your hands so please get the AA big book and read it.
AA is not for everyone, but give it a shot. Please keep posting while you can and don't forget us when you get out.
I am 45. I wish to God that somehow, someway, I had realized that I had a drinking problem at such a young age as you are. I am happy you are already wrestling with this as opposed to waiting until you are my age or older to deal with it.
I am sorry you are going to jail, but please give AA a chance. In my case it was nothing like I thought it would be. In your case you will have some time on your hands so please get the AA big book and read it.
AA is not for everyone, but give it a shot. Please keep posting while you can and don't forget us when you get out.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Paul-no matter what ya call it you are messing up because you like to drink.
You've got a child coming and that is forever, regardless whether you get back with your gf. Now is the time to step up and get your life in order. When we don't learn on our own, the crimal justice system has a way of becoming a good teacher. Learn your lessons cause ya got responsibilities. Be good to the exgf because she is mother of your child. Don't ever make her life miserable because that will reflect in your child. Help her all you can so that your child benefits. Seek a different way. It sounds like you are.
You've got a child coming and that is forever, regardless whether you get back with your gf. Now is the time to step up and get your life in order. When we don't learn on our own, the crimal justice system has a way of becoming a good teacher. Learn your lessons cause ya got responsibilities. Be good to the exgf because she is mother of your child. Don't ever make her life miserable because that will reflect in your child. Help her all you can so that your child benefits. Seek a different way. It sounds like you are.
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