Accepted it, Now What!
Sunny Side Up
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Accepted it, Now What!
I really have accepted that my AS is a cronic alcoholic and I am feeling a little lost. You guys have helped me so much that I am now well over it.
Dont see her anymore, only the occasional phone call every 2 weeks and I really miss her. No more drama it seems and I sit quietly sometimes late at night and wonder if shes ok. I guess I wonder if I will ever get her back, so sad.
Dont see her anymore, only the occasional phone call every 2 weeks and I really miss her. No more drama it seems and I sit quietly sometimes late at night and wonder if shes ok. I guess I wonder if I will ever get her back, so sad.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I had to turn my gf over to a hp, god, or something.
I coudn't afford to let my mind drift becuase i worry about her all the time.
The line of work I was doing was extremely dangerouse if i don't stay in
the moment and be aware of whats happening in front of me.
i cuaght myself drifting many times, cuz i had a hard time letting go.
I just focus on god if there was a god..i just had to belive there's something
that was going to keep my safe being in that working environment,anyways.
but i also had to do my part and be in the moment and focus in the moment.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
I coudn't afford to let my mind drift becuase i worry about her all the time.
The line of work I was doing was extremely dangerouse if i don't stay in
the moment and be aware of whats happening in front of me.
i cuaght myself drifting many times, cuz i had a hard time letting go.
I just focus on god if there was a god..i just had to belive there's something
that was going to keep my safe being in that working environment,anyways.
but i also had to do my part and be in the moment and focus in the moment.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by SaTiT 
i also had to do my part and be in the moment and focus in the moment.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
Stay busy, Just! It helps so much to put your focus on something else, someone else, yourself!
What are you doing for yourself right now?!?!
I think it's so normal to miss them and want them and wonder and worry but I'm spurred on by remembering I couldn't have my AH back in my life the way I am now. I have to make some changes in me.
And him--like Satit said--him I leave to God!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by SaTiT
i also had to do my part and be in the moment and focus in the moment.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
Bascially trun it over and do whats in front of me.
it was five minutes at a time at first but I became accustom to the
peace I had inside of me.
I work on this now turning him over! After the first time I spoke with him again after gaining that serenity back in my life, it was the same thing all over again-the screaming at me, swearing at me, starting every thing that came out of his mouth with YOU it was chaos all over again-
By learning to turn him over when I can finally get to this point 100% I will have every bit of my peace and serenity back. I over stayed that ride on the roller coaster and because he is not sticking to his recovery, I need to stick to mine. Besides I really do not like roller coasters! Only the old fashion wooden ones.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((justjo))) It is sad, and part of my peace comes from accepting that. Accepting life on life's terms isn't easy but, for me, not as difficult as trying to control everything around me. Take care.
Sunny Side Up
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Mmmm I know, I am sitting here right now crying about it. I changed positions at my company the last few weeks and I have been so busy with it, it has helped shift my focus. Ive been working 11 hour days coming home to the usual house chores and crash. Still finding time for here though hey...Love it.
Only thing when I sit and finally hear quiet, I thinking about her and get real sad. Miss her you see. We were so close and now I never hear from her. Its like she has gone from my life you see. I know I cant do much about this right now and can only hope she recovers one great day but it seems so far away. I am keeping busy to exhaustion and actually dont do much else but work and sleep. Eating fits in somedays but I thank you beautiful people, really I do.
Me too SaTiT, I have read many of your posts and you sound like one great person.
Everyone else too who has helped me get through this sad road.
Bi Justjo
Only thing when I sit and finally hear quiet, I thinking about her and get real sad. Miss her you see. We were so close and now I never hear from her. Its like she has gone from my life you see. I know I cant do much about this right now and can only hope she recovers one great day but it seems so far away. I am keeping busy to exhaustion and actually dont do much else but work and sleep. Eating fits in somedays but I thank you beautiful people, really I do.
Me too SaTiT, I have read many of your posts and you sound like one great person.
Everyone else too who has helped me get through this sad road.
Bi Justjo
Last edited by justjo; 06-06-2007 at 04:19 AM. Reason: mistake spelling
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Hey Just! I'm sorry you are so sad! It breaks my heart to hear the pain in your words.
Allow yourself time to grieve the relationship. You have suffered a loss. But remember, you have to take care of you. Wearing yourself out to the point of "exhaustion" only magnifies the sadness---trust me!
I can tell you what helped me was recognizing trigger times in my day. For instance, I always talked to AH when I got off work at 4...always. So 4:00 is a really hard time of the day for me. So, I started making sure I had someone on the phone to talk to or I cranked the radio up to drown out my thoughts. Anything to get passed the moments.
Time seems to help the most, Just!
Wishing the best today!
Allow yourself time to grieve the relationship. You have suffered a loss. But remember, you have to take care of you. Wearing yourself out to the point of "exhaustion" only magnifies the sadness---trust me!
I can tell you what helped me was recognizing trigger times in my day. For instance, I always talked to AH when I got off work at 4...always. So 4:00 is a really hard time of the day for me. So, I started making sure I had someone on the phone to talk to or I cranked the radio up to drown out my thoughts. Anything to get passed the moments.
Time seems to help the most, Just!
Wishing the best today!
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hello Just,
I went through all those feelings and more.
We tend to remember the great times and even wish they were back.
Alanon, this site, friends and family got me though it.
After what seemed a very long time, I saw things very differently.
I saw things as they really were.
I look back now and realize I just perceived things, as I wanted them to be.
Emotions kept me wrapped up in something that would have brought on my destruction.
The fog will lift my friend and when it does the blue skies that are before you will seem never ending.
I went through all those feelings and more.
We tend to remember the great times and even wish they were back.
Alanon, this site, friends and family got me though it.
After what seemed a very long time, I saw things very differently.
I saw things as they really were.
I look back now and realize I just perceived things, as I wanted them to be.
Emotions kept me wrapped up in something that would have brought on my destruction.
The fog will lift my friend and when it does the blue skies that are before you will seem never ending.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
(((JustJo)))) I had to come and give you another hug!
I know that missing feeling! Went through this with my A brother and it was very painful as we were so close-he created a mess for himself so bad that we all needed to walk away from him and hand him over to the good ole HP!
He lost everything-home, wife, two kids, job (all of which he worked over 25 years for) POOF! He made choices and we could not be a part of. He is now in jail and will get out in September after 11 months. His attitude has never been better! He is working his program in there because he wants too! it is not forced.
The best thing we can do with our loved ones is let them fall on their own-it is very painful I know but in the long run we pray and it will be the greatest gift we could have given them! There are alot of A's in this forum that are living proof of this!
Hang in there hon!
I know that missing feeling! Went through this with my A brother and it was very painful as we were so close-he created a mess for himself so bad that we all needed to walk away from him and hand him over to the good ole HP!
He lost everything-home, wife, two kids, job (all of which he worked over 25 years for) POOF! He made choices and we could not be a part of. He is now in jail and will get out in September after 11 months. His attitude has never been better! He is working his program in there because he wants too! it is not forced.
The best thing we can do with our loved ones is let them fall on their own-it is very painful I know but in the long run we pray and it will be the greatest gift we could have given them! There are alot of A's in this forum that are living proof of this!
Hang in there hon!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
(((Justjo))))
I've found that it was bad enough to have a breakup, even worse when you have the added burden of the disease of alcoholism.
I used to "sit in the quiet" too being sad, wondering why my A never thought of me or seemed to move on so easily without me. Obsessing and weaving thoughts in my mind about how he was happily moving forward, while I couldn't get out of my own way. Felt like a cloud was following me everywhere and my head was all foggy. Even when I was busy, the thoughts would "sneek" in there when I least expected. And Man, did I miss him too
for me, the truth was, he had gone from my life, WAY before we stopped speaking/seeing each other.
It was a process though for me to come to that comclusion. And it started with:
You can't control it
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
That was my mantra. OnceI got it through this thick native american head that I was not responsible, I was able to focus on ME.
Be kind to yourself sweetie, and think about YOU.
Peace
I've found that it was bad enough to have a breakup, even worse when you have the added burden of the disease of alcoholism.
I used to "sit in the quiet" too being sad, wondering why my A never thought of me or seemed to move on so easily without me. Obsessing and weaving thoughts in my mind about how he was happily moving forward, while I couldn't get out of my own way. Felt like a cloud was following me everywhere and my head was all foggy. Even when I was busy, the thoughts would "sneek" in there when I least expected. And Man, did I miss him too
Its like she has gone from my life you see
It was a process though for me to come to that comclusion. And it started with:
You can't control it
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
That was my mantra. OnceI got it through this thick native american head that I was not responsible, I was able to focus on ME.
Be kind to yourself sweetie, and think about YOU.
Peace
Sunny Side Up
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Sad when I read your posts. You guys are truly wonderful, really. I suppose I am finding that because I havent heard from her for weeks, it scares me. But I know her well enough to know that someone else is there for her. (one of her drinking mates, hes always there for her and I say that in a sarcastic way). It hurts I guess that she has chosen booze and drinking buddies over her own children and family. I know she is ill but it makes me mad.
My mobile beeped today (message came in) it said a message from her. I was happy to see her name there. I opened it and it said OK. She had texted me by mistake. it was mean for her drinking bud.
At least I know she is alive today!
My mobile beeped today (message came in) it said a message from her. I was happy to see her name there. I opened it and it said OK. She had texted me by mistake. it was mean for her drinking bud.
At least I know she is alive today!
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