Most effective support??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 9
Most effective support??
Good morning,
I am new to the site and have come to talk with others who have friends who are problem drinkers. I will apologize upfront for the length and detail of this post. (For reference purposes, I'm 25yo female, he's 24yo male.)
I recently started seeing a man who has admitted to having a problem with alcohol. I did not want this to be a deal-breaker as he seemed to be very commited to quitting. I had observed him drinking on two occassions prior to him telling me about his problem, and he did not appear to drink an alarming amount or at an alarming pace. He stayed in total control and did not become beligerant or display any signs of dangerous intoxication. However, he did admit to drinking nearly everyday.
My goal from the beginning was to offer support and to plan activities (sports, meals at home, walks, etc) for the two of us that would keep him occupied--and active in a non-drinking environment--at the start of his recovery. He was sober for 13 days and we were both vrey proud of him. He said that he was feeling great and that he knew it would be hard but he was trying his best. We even went out with some friends who were drinking, he and I were not, and he said that he wasn't bothered by them drinking and that he had a perfectly good time without having had a drink.
His 13 days ended this weekend. He has a friend that is an enabler, he encourages him to drink (the "just one beer isn't going to kill you" type) and riducules him for trying to quit. The two of them completed some outdoor landscaping work on Saturday and proceeded to drink for the remainder of the evening. When asked, he could not pinpoint the moment that made him change his mind about drinking. Sunday morning he had so much guilt about "already screwing up" that they continued to drink most of the afternoon. As one might suspect, I received a call from him late in the evening where he was very upset and ashamed of himself, asking me not to give up on him yet.
I want to determine how I can be of most effective support for him--if only as a friend. I don't want to completely cut him out after one unsuccessful weekend, but I don't want to create an situation where he's conditioned to think that he can drink and expect me to look the other way. I am proud of him for admitting that there is a problem and starting to understand what the recovery process will be like. We've talked about it being diffucult, he knows that it won't be easy, but has made comments in the "noting worth having is easily attained" category. I feel that this is an important admission.
I would love to hear from anyone in a related situation what has been the most helpful for the ones were are trying to support.
Thank you for your time,
LS
I am new to the site and have come to talk with others who have friends who are problem drinkers. I will apologize upfront for the length and detail of this post. (For reference purposes, I'm 25yo female, he's 24yo male.)
I recently started seeing a man who has admitted to having a problem with alcohol. I did not want this to be a deal-breaker as he seemed to be very commited to quitting. I had observed him drinking on two occassions prior to him telling me about his problem, and he did not appear to drink an alarming amount or at an alarming pace. He stayed in total control and did not become beligerant or display any signs of dangerous intoxication. However, he did admit to drinking nearly everyday.
My goal from the beginning was to offer support and to plan activities (sports, meals at home, walks, etc) for the two of us that would keep him occupied--and active in a non-drinking environment--at the start of his recovery. He was sober for 13 days and we were both vrey proud of him. He said that he was feeling great and that he knew it would be hard but he was trying his best. We even went out with some friends who were drinking, he and I were not, and he said that he wasn't bothered by them drinking and that he had a perfectly good time without having had a drink.
His 13 days ended this weekend. He has a friend that is an enabler, he encourages him to drink (the "just one beer isn't going to kill you" type) and riducules him for trying to quit. The two of them completed some outdoor landscaping work on Saturday and proceeded to drink for the remainder of the evening. When asked, he could not pinpoint the moment that made him change his mind about drinking. Sunday morning he had so much guilt about "already screwing up" that they continued to drink most of the afternoon. As one might suspect, I received a call from him late in the evening where he was very upset and ashamed of himself, asking me not to give up on him yet.
I want to determine how I can be of most effective support for him--if only as a friend. I don't want to completely cut him out after one unsuccessful weekend, but I don't want to create an situation where he's conditioned to think that he can drink and expect me to look the other way. I am proud of him for admitting that there is a problem and starting to understand what the recovery process will be like. We've talked about it being diffucult, he knows that it won't be easy, but has made comments in the "noting worth having is easily attained" category. I feel that this is an important admission.
I would love to hear from anyone in a related situation what has been the most helpful for the ones were are trying to support.
Thank you for your time,
LS
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR....
I suggest you read the sticky post here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
Blessings
I suggest you read the sticky post here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
Blessings
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
