She stopped by today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
She stopped by today
Well today I decided to do something for myself so I thought I'd tackle cleaning out my closet and getting rid of some clothes that I don't wear that are taking up space
Somehow when I get a little organization in my life I feel better. To my surprise my AD stopped by. I was glad to see she was still among the living. She didn't appear to be on anything........I look for all of the signs. She actually seemed pretty good.
We had lunch and she got some of her things and said she was going to her friends house. I didn't lecture her........I told her her life is in her hands and I can't do anything for her anymore. I told her the only way she can live in my house is if she gets counsling and a job, and stays on her bi polar meds. I gave her the rescources information that I had. She said she would make some calls. That remains to be seen. She did ask me for $10.00 so she could buy some new eyeliner. I told her I couldn't do that. She said that's okay, do you think maybe when you go shopping that you could buy one for me. I told her I could do that. So, she left and I don't feel any better.
So, back to the closet........not feeling as energetic as I felt before. They have a way of taking so much out of you.
And the beat goes on................Lo
Somehow when I get a little organization in my life I feel better. To my surprise my AD stopped by. I was glad to see she was still among the living. She didn't appear to be on anything........I look for all of the signs. She actually seemed pretty good.
We had lunch and she got some of her things and said she was going to her friends house. I didn't lecture her........I told her her life is in her hands and I can't do anything for her anymore. I told her the only way she can live in my house is if she gets counsling and a job, and stays on her bi polar meds. I gave her the rescources information that I had. She said she would make some calls. That remains to be seen. She did ask me for $10.00 so she could buy some new eyeliner. I told her I couldn't do that. She said that's okay, do you think maybe when you go shopping that you could buy one for me. I told her I could do that. So, she left and I don't feel any better.
So, back to the closet........not feeling as energetic as I felt before. They have a way of taking so much out of you.
And the beat goes on................Lo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
As much as it hurts, you stuck to your boundries...not argueing, no money, help when she wants it. You did all you can do--not much comfort in words I know.
I am glad she looked good and pray she is on her way up.
love,
susan
I am glad she looked good and pray she is on her way up.
love,
susan
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
I wish my ab/f's mom was like you. He is 43 y/o and is living in his mom's
basement - couch, TV and everything. It was supposed to be temporary.
He lives there with everything free and hot cooked meals when he gets home
from work.
The last relapse he had he didn't work for 2 mths. No problem - live with mom
free. I found out that during his last relapse he managed somehow to borrow
$1,000 from his mom.
He has quite the set-up. No responsibilities and can work all week to spend it
on using.
I wish my ab/f's mom was like you.
basement - couch, TV and everything. It was supposed to be temporary.
He lives there with everything free and hot cooked meals when he gets home
from work.
The last relapse he had he didn't work for 2 mths. No problem - live with mom
free. I found out that during his last relapse he managed somehow to borrow
$1,000 from his mom.
He has quite the set-up. No responsibilities and can work all week to spend it
on using.
I wish my ab/f's mom was like you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Okay4now, Thank you sweetie for the compliment. It's hard, but I don't want my daughter to be 43 and living in my basement for free. I want to set her free now so she can find her own way no matter how hard it will be for me. It sounds like your abf's mom is selfish for allowing this arrangement. She probably feels secure knowing he is in the basement and she can make meals for him. In all reality she is hurting him and probably doesn't realize it. Poor woman..........she needs to get on SR and talk to some of these moms.
Prayers for you, abf and his mom..................Lois
Prayers for you, abf and his mom..................Lois
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
You're welcome, Lois. His mom told our 10 y/o daughter that her dad has a
sickness and cannot control it.
His sisters have been talking to their mom about making him pay rent.
The mom lets him use and sleep and sleep.
It is very frustrating for me and his daughter. And we get no financial support
from him either.
I don't see any incentives for him to quit except no contact with his daughter.
His mom is 70 y/o and it will be interesting to see what happens when it is her
time to go. He'll be lost.
I wish his mom had your wisdom and strength.
sickness and cannot control it.
His sisters have been talking to their mom about making him pay rent.
The mom lets him use and sleep and sleep.
It is very frustrating for me and his daughter. And we get no financial support
from him either.
I don't see any incentives for him to quit except no contact with his daughter.
His mom is 70 y/o and it will be interesting to see what happens when it is her
time to go. He'll be lost.
I wish his mom had your wisdom and strength.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Glad to hear your ad looked good. I know what you mean about feeling deflated. Your glad to see their alright, but sometimes it's easier when you don't see them. I know this sounds goofy, but I'm feeling this right now. With as living at home, I'm nervous and have anxiety about whether or not he's going to relapse. You want them safe, but at the same time, you just want to live a happy, codie free life. It's tough.
I too wish I had your strength.
I too wish I had your strength.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Okay4now, Just maybe his sisters input will change things. Did you ever try to have a heart to heart with his mom and sisters about your situation? It would be good if everyone could get on the same page. If they love him they will let him go. I also think your daughter is old enough to understand that analogy also if explained to her on her level. I realize she is 70 but even older people than that understand what is best to do. I have an 83 yr. old client and one day I was talking to her about my AD.......she said "sometimes we have to do hurtful things to save our children" Pretty wise for an 83 yr. old. If life unfolds the way it is supposed to, one day he might face life without his mom. Maybe then he will learn to take care of himself. I hope it will be sooner than later.
Love and blessings.............Lois
Love and blessings.............Lois
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Lois, I have tried to open the door for communication on this subject with his
mother. She is not receptive. She doesn't even look at my eyes.
Before his last rehab, one of his sister's and I had an "intervention". Basically
told him he a problem. I cried. I told him I couldn't be with him while he was
using but I could be with him during recovery. And said he could not contact
his daughter until he completed rehab. He went to rehab 2 mths. later.
Well, the point is - When his sister and I talked our mini-intervention, the mom
got out of the room soooo fast.
When I told her that I told him that I could not be with him until rehab. She just
said it won't work that way. It's not the right reason.
mother. She is not receptive. She doesn't even look at my eyes.
Before his last rehab, one of his sister's and I had an "intervention". Basically
told him he a problem. I cried. I told him I couldn't be with him while he was
using but I could be with him during recovery. And said he could not contact
his daughter until he completed rehab. He went to rehab 2 mths. later.
Well, the point is - When his sister and I talked our mini-intervention, the mom
got out of the room soooo fast.
When I told her that I told him that I could not be with him until rehab. She just
said it won't work that way. It's not the right reason.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
Lobo. Great Job, I Know The Feeling You Have When They Leave. But The Post Above About A 43yr Old Still Being Enabled By His Mom Gives Me Hope That If We Do The Right Things And Say Lots Of Prayers Maybe Our Addicts Active Period Wont Last As Long. My As Is 20 And I Just Cant Bear The Thought Of Another 23 Years Like This. Hang In There You Encourage Me And Everyone Here.
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