needtosmile

My husband works for himself. He owns a shop where he has his trucks and supplies etc. He meets there everyday to tell his employees what jobs to be at etc.
His work is blue collar yet he makes a ton of money, so I have a great life as far as material things. We have 2 children 5 and 2.

Well my husband tends to "stay at his shop" after work drinking. He will come home with a buzzed look on his face, slurring words. Meaning he drove home that way.
He works about an hour from where we live. He drinks in the car.

I don't know what to do, because according to my husband he doesn't do this often, yes that is true. Isn't one time, one too many?

I don't care if he comes home and wants to have a drink. WHY do it far away from home then get in a car?
I hate the way he looks, smells and I don't even want to be around him when he comes home that way.

Thoughts run through my head that really disturb me and I just don't know how to handle this because I don't want to end my marriage but feel I may have to. I don't want my children to see this.

Also, I know in my heart, that as much as my h loves his children and me, I think he resents the fact that he "REMARRIED" yes I am his second wife. He has a 20 year old son with his first wife and "hes been there done that" and I seriously feel that he wants to "hang out" with the circle of friends he has that have the older kids, can go out without worrying about babysitters etc.

My H started his life over again. I did not. I don't need to go out and drink and party and stay out etc.
I want to be home with my family. A nice night out for me is dinner with my husband. Not getting sloshed etc.

What can I do?

I know my H would not oppose counseling but I honestly don't even believe it would help if he doesn't want to stop drinking. He has to want to stop.

I'm so sad.

denny57

Welcome, needtosmile, glad you're here

When I couldn't convince AH to work on us, I decided to work on me. That included Al-Anon, therapy, educating myself, etc.

I'd suggest first reading the stickys at the top of the forum. Keep posting - there is a lot of support here.

((()))

dollydo

Well, he may have passed the baby stage in his life, having small children may not be where he is at in his life. Sometimes men have children in their second marriage to appease their wives, and after they do that, they realize this is not really what they wanted. I am sure he loves his children, but it sounds like he is struggling with the responsibility.

As for drinking and driving that's a real concern, yet, there is nothing you can do about it, he is an adult and he makes his own choices.

Have you considered going to meetings? They were a lifesaver for me.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts, it will help.

newenglandgirl

Welcome to SR needstosmile

There's nothing normal or healthy about drinking and driving. Why do YOU think he chooses to drink away from home? In my experience, alcoholics are so in love with their booze that it's like a private love affair. So they drink alone as to not be disturbed.

Also, he might also realize that you'd be shocked, worried, and perhaps disgusted if you really knew just how much he really drinks. Alcoholics are often very, very secretive about their drinking.

chero

Wecome Needtosmile! I'm so sorry you are sad. It's a sad situation.

Have you thought about counselling for yourself or Alanon meetings? They really do help YOU!

And take time to read the stickies at the top of the forums page! Really good stuff in there!

Welcome to SR!

kermit

Welcome Needtosmile, we are glad you are here, I think maybe the first step is to get YOURSELF into talk with someone maybe a priest, parent or a close friend. Weigh your options and try to figure out what it is YOU want. You need try and figure out in your heart what needs to be done..
Does he drink alot? Has he always? Or is it just getting worse? Is there more going on here?

StandingStrong

This is somewhat of a contradiction. And I'd like you to think about this for a minute. Have there been times in the past where perhaps he's drank at home and you have commented or said something in regards to your not liking it or not wanting it around the kids?
I ask because I felt similar in the earlier years of my marriage with an alcoholic. While I didn't want him out and about - I also didn't want him drinking at home. It became an issue.

I hope that you'll read the "sticky posts" at the top of the forum. There is a lot of great and informative posts in that area, as well as the board itself. And I also hope that you will consider the suggestions that have made already (Alanon, etc).

Welcome to SR. Pull up a chair and get comfortable.